transcendental meditation

i've tried,

but i'm not good at transcendental

meditation.

i've stared a candle

as i sat

with legs and arms

folded,

saying ohm

repeatedly,

but it only made me sleepy.

for the life of me i was unable

to empty my

mind

of the world.

i never once levitated,

or saw the heavens

open up.

my brain wandered,

thinking about

that chicken leg

in the fridge. how i could

cut it up and make

a nice sandwich later

on a toasted bun.

did i still have pickles?

i had no

epiphanies,

i received no

calming

message steering me

towards a better life.

my leg would fall

asleep sometimes and i'd

have to shake it.

occasionally, if i sat there

long enough

i'd start to feel relaxed, but

frisky too,

and would

dial up

Betty while i still had

my yoga pants on.