getting a handle on those love handles

I jump on the scale
and the scale breaks, good lord,
what the hell
happened.
then I look at the kitchen counter
there were
three rows of oreos
in that bag just yesterday,
no there's a half of one.
that pint of ben and jerry's
in the trash can,
that opened bag of waffle chips.
I've got to get a handle on
these love handles.
I laugh at that in a chubby
rubbery
bouncy sort of way.
I look at my three chins
in the mirror.
are my shoes tied, I don't
know, I can't see
my feet anymore.
my butt is in a different zip
code. the buttons on my
shirt are popping off.
I carve a new whole for my belt.
my dad jeans
are skin tight on me.
I've got pork rinds
for fingers
and a turkey the size
of a small dog
in the oven just for me.
okay.
here we go.
starting now.
water and more water.