finding warmth

it's a light

lick

of frost, new ice

on

the golden

field,

the window

panes.

just a hint of what's

to follow

as the months

grow

darker,

until spring, once

more appears.

come closer.

come over here.

we need your money for everything to be free

ten

minutes after the socialist

communist

mayor is elected,

based

on the platform of everything

being free,

he goes on

tv

and begs his followers

for money.

send in your

donations now.

you can't make this stuff up.

hilarious.

let the insanity begin.

the potato will save us

Idaho

is excited about the new leadership

in New York City.

just like

in any

communist country

the staple

eventually becomes the potato.

and Idaho

is king of the potato.

they've got your Russets,

your Reds,

your sweet potatoes,

your mini-potatoes in a cute

mesh bag,

your Yukon Golds,

and your baking potato

for when you

have your ration of butter or sour

cream

bought at the government store.

farmers

are dancing in the fields,

doing jigs

on their dusty roads.

nothing like a peeled potato

in a bowl

of gruel

to start the week off right.

not to mention vodka.

who doesn't

like a bottle of potato vodka

as the city goes

to hell

in a handbag overnight?

another tetanus shot

mothers

were always worried about

kids

getting tetanus shots.

as they should

have been.

they stood at the door

with cotton

balls and

alcohol.

we were always

bleeding,

scratched, cut,

bruised.

summer was all out war in

the neighborhood.

thorns

and bushes, tin cans,

splinters,

rusty nails, fist fights,

and fences with sharp

prongs,

rabid

dogs running loose

with teeth

like wolves.

the toaster mirror

you don't look well,

she tells me.

you have dark circles under

your eyes,

the skin on your face

is deep

with lines.

look at you, just look

at you,

all pale

and skinny,

bald as a grapefruit

on the vine.

you're falling apart before

my eyes.

i turn the toaster sideways

to take a look

at my face in the reflection.

oh yeah, right.

Halloween was last night.

no it wasn't, she says.

it was last week.

i think you're out of time.

we'll get through this together

as i boil

water, staring at the pot,

waiting

patiently

while listening to another you tube

video

about the world ending

as we know it,

i find

a bump

on my leg, a little bite

from a spider,

or bug

of some kind.

i find the Neosporin in the junk

drawer

and squeeze out

a dab

and rub it into the swollen

spot,

i'm good at moving

on,

i think, resilient, 

while

still staring at the water

at last bubbling

in the pot.

dear anonymous

it's a good

feeling

to write something that strikes

a nerve,

that ruffles

some feathers, 

raises the blood pressure

and gets

under the skin

of a reader or two.

it's fun.

it means you've accomplished

what you

set out to do,

you've unraveled the nonsense

and stupidity,

and revealed to them

what's true.

here's a Kleenex to wipe

away those tears,

boo hoo.

therapy business is booming

i set up an appointment

with my

therapist via zoom, i can see behind

her in her waiting

room

twenty or more clients,

mostly middle-aged women

and teenage boys and girls.

almost all are wringing their hands

and crying.

muttering to themselves.

some are rocking back and forth

as they pull on their

blue hair

and nose rings.

hey, i say, do you have any

openings for a visit?

i don't know she says, as you can

see i'm so busy.

people are nuts these days

with this TDS syndrome.

business is booming.

i'll miss the orange man when he's gone.

i bought another boat

and a house on the lake, by the way.

but you look well, happy even.

so why do you need to come in?

i don't know, i tell her,

shrugging.

life has been a bowl of cherries

since i got

free from that loony bin.

just wanted to chat for a while,

check in.

shoot the breeze, see if you have

any new recipes for

chicken.

but if you're busy, i completely

understand.

the next great Exodus

from an aerial view

it looks like

the Exodus in the Bible,

thousands

upon thousands fleeing Egypt

for the promised land.

the Red Sea has parted

and away they go,

running with their cattle

and camels, goats

and chickens,

cows and horses,

women and children,

luggage and furniture

strapped

to the tops of their cars.

all heading south

away from New York City.

full speed ahead

for Tallahassee, Sarasota

Miami.

no money to fix things anymore

i should have thought longer

and harder

before renting out the three floor

walk up

in Brooklyn, but the price

was great.

i could see Manhattan through

the barred

bathroom window.

but then the heat went off,

there was rust

in the water, mice were everywhere.

i called the super

and gave him my list of complaints,

but he said, sorry,

no dice, nothing i can do.

the mayor has cut off raising

of the rent, so i don't have the money

anymore to fix things.

sorry dude.

try some cheese and mouse

traps, maybe

bottled war

to shower with

and an extra blanket at night.

rent's due tomorrow, by the way.

we should go on a picnic, she says

when

a woman asks you to go on a picnic,

you are in

like Flint.

when she spends the morning

making

cucumber

sandwiches with the crust

cut off,

and slicing apples into

eight parts,

it means she's thinking of other

things.

there's more

to the checkered blanket

than meets the eye.

look inside 

that country basket for

that bottle of wine

and glasses,

that slice of a fresh baked

peach pie.

there you go.

at last she's on your side.

where have all the flower children gone?

so many

angry people, obsessed 

with

hate

and acrimony.

waking up bitter and mean,

so sad,

so sad.

where is the love child

of the sixties,

the kind,

the merciful,

the peaceniks, the aquarians

wanting to make

a better way?

what happened to the flower

children,

with their crystals

and 

astrology, their yoga meditations

and magic

beans?

oh there they are, back on the street

protesting

with their hair dyed

blue and green.

the girl who loves horses

i see

her coming up the street

on crutches,

a cast

on her leg,

a surgical halo around her head

to keep

it from

bobbing

left and right as she

limps

towards me.

fell off your horse again,

right?

yes, she says, 

smiling wearily,

but it was my fault.

i shouldn't have

told him

to try and jump that fence.

i think i need

to lose some weight.

maybe get on Ozempic.

but i'll be riding again

soon,

maybe a year or two

once they put

a screw in my leg, and surgically

repair

my spine.

i have a down payment

on a new horse, though,

from a breeder in Middleburg,

the last one

didn't make it

when he crashed into the fence

then ran

into the road

where a tractor trailer

full of chickens

ran him over,

but i love horses, she says,

i can't imagine

my life without one.

do you have any extra-strength

Tylenol on you? by the way.

or morphine?

just 5 more democratic votes and the government reopens, easy peasy

all it takes

is 5 more democratic votes

and the government reopens.

snap

benefits go out.

EBTs will be flush again with funds.

workers get paid, planes

will fly.

the military men

and women get their hard

earned checks.

just sixty votes from the left side

of the aisle

to pass the same bill that was

passed 13 times in a row

and things

are fine,

but they won't,

they hold the country hostage

all in the name of giving illegal

immigrants 

benefits and money

they don't deserve.

they'd rather have

citizens starve and die, go broke,

go bankrupt,

get evicted.

and why? TDS, as usual.

cry me an East River

this will be fun,

entertaining, who doesn't love a good

spine

tingling horror/disaster movie.

i've bought extra popcorn

and butter,

nuts and chips,

cold drinks

on ice,

i've set up the big pillows on the couch

to watch what

happens next.

i've thrown another log

onto the fire.

i can hardly wait

to see

what happens to a once beautiful

and prosperous city,

a city that never sleeps.

let's watch

the caravan heading out of town,

as the wealthy flee.

oh my,  New York,

now under rule

by a communist nutcake,

Mandami.

turn off the lights,

it's going to get wild and scary,

hold my hand,

let's watch and see.

let the bread lines begin

what we

need is more government,

he says

on the campaign trail, more

taxes,

more rent control,

government

run grocery stores, free

food,

free buses,

free healthcare,

free gender transitions,

social workers, not police.

we need

to help the criminals

get over their bad childhoods,

help

the mentally

insane

and hug them, set them

free.

we need to follow the ways

of  Eugene Debs

a five time

socialist loser running

for president,

the last time

from the confines of a prison cell.

we need to be more like Cuba

and Venezuela,

North Korea,

and China and the Soviet Union.

East Germany during the cold war.

we need

to be like them.

under the government's thumb.

let the bread lines begin.

careful what you wish for,

my uneducated

and naïve friend.

foot in my mouth

i'd like

to say more, but i stop

myself.

taking

a shoe

and shoving it into

my mouth to keep

the words

from falling

out.

i've said enough for one

night,

one week,

one long life.

the rest let's keep

as mystery,

even to me.

look at me, i'm here

i forget

her birthday, our anniversary,

the day

we met,

and where,

when i forget her phone number,

her address

and her name,

she begins

to worry

and wonder if i'm really

into her.

which i tell her,

of course i am.

look at me, i'm here.

your muse, the sea

when

you take a long walk

in silence

along

the beach, when you stop watching

the news,

stop

talking to people

and converse

with your dog only,

and 

your muse,

the sea,

it occurs to you that the world

isn't so bad

after all.

signing up for the dance class

i sign up

for a dance class down at the 

Elenore Roosevelt community

center.

the ad says,

salsa, rumba, ballroom, the twist,

the Charleston,

and the monkey,

as well as

the limbo.

oh and freestyle, which is my thing.

i'm limping a little

from my

arthritic left

knee

but so is everyone else who

shows up.

it's a little awkward at first,

dancing

while favoring one leg,

but we go on.

a few off us topple

over when

the beat gets faster, 

wigs and toupees go flying,

dentures are everywhere,

but we

roll over

and get up.

finally 

they take Ten Years After,

playing Going Home,

off the record player

and put on

Moon River

with Andy Williams.

now we're cooking and back

on our feet again.

zero talk about real issues

at last

the airways are done with political

ads.

it was getting vicious

and down right

mean.

did you ever

kick your dog, or beat your

wife

in the last year or so.

yes or no?

what about that late night text

you sent

nine years ago to someone

named

Amber.

as governor will you allow

men

to come into your

house

and strip down naked?

yes or no.

do you think Somalian should

be our

first language?

how do you feel about snakes,

or alligators

in our rivers

eating escaped prisoners?

and what about that Maryland

Man,

will you rescue

him

and bring him home again?

if you were a tree

what kind of tree would you be,

and would you

call your opponent

the sap in a tree?

yes or no, you have three seconds

to answer.

New York City will be a paradise now

we're so excited

about the big changes in New York City

with the election

of the socialist communist

34 year old

nepo baby,

former rapper 

and food truck worker from

Uganda. now Mayor.

we love

the city,

walking around,

Central Park, the Broadway Shows,

pizza

and delis galore.

Chinatown is a delight,

as is

Soho and Noho,

the Village and Battery Park.

not to mention

the museums

and the chaotic fun of Times Square.

and now, my comrades,

let's praise

the Lord, or Allah, or whoever

you choose

to bow to,

everything is free.

free free free

with a social worker on every

corner

to hug us when we bleed.

how blessed we

are

with rents frozen for eternity.

no need to hop

the turnstile anymore

to ride the subway,

or sneak

onto buses, or ditch the check

at Katz's deli,

or Sparks,

the Rockefellers and Gatsby's got that.

no longer do we have to bring

three of our saved

paychecks

when we get off the bus at

Penn Station.

and thankfully there will be

less policemen

there to harass us

when being robbed of the few

dollars, watches and rings

we've brought.

paradise for you,

paradise for me.

let's rejoice, let's sing.

who's your daddy?

what's wrong, Tex?

i asked my cowboy buddy

as he

sat on the front porch twirling his

rope.

i'm tired, he said,

squinting in that cowboy

way he did

even when there was no sun.

i'm tired of rounding

up cattle,

riding the trail, eating beans

over a campfire

and wearing these stupid

chaps on my legs.

my toes hurt from these pointy boots.

well then, why don't you quit

and do something else

with your life?

get an office job.

i can't, he says,

slapping his dusty

hat against his leg, a piece

of straw

dangling from his parched

lips.

everyone knows me as a cowboy.

that's who i am.

plus the rodeo is coming next

week and my name

is on a poster.

i don't know if i can handle

another broken

arm or leg, but what choice

do i have?

thanks to my daddy,

i'm a cowboy until the end.

i hear she's doing this now

it's hearsay,

a rumor, a bit of gossip

whispered

over

lunch,

from one mouth

to another,

on the phone, a cryptic

text

passed down.

maybe it's true,

maybe it isn't. whatever

it may be,

it's so much more

fun than

the daily news.

careful what you wish for

strange

how different we are.

seeing

the same set of facts and yet

believing

differently how

things should go

in deciding which candidate

to vote for.

it seems to be an

open and shut

case.

but it isn't.

common sense seems

to have lost

its once

guiding light

and 

persuasive powers.

the endless paper

so much

paper,

in boxes, in drawers,

bins

stacked

in the closet.

taxes

and letters,

warranties and decrees.

receipts

and recipes.

manuals,

postcards, so much

paper,

so much debris.

drifts and drifts of life,

a sea

of history.

still yet to be swayed

into

believing in

things received

electronically.

there's no sympathy for trees.

what's it all about Alfie?

in my younger

days,

when i thought i was Tom Jones,

or Alfie,

playing the field,

juggling

girls

like colorful balls in the air,

i dreaded

Christmas.

i had to get a side job just

for all gifts

i had to buy

to keep them

in the rotation. i spent

many nights

carefully wrapping and putting

tags on each

according

to size.

plus, medium, petite and large.

it was always nice

to find

something

that said

one size fits all.

gloves and hats were easiest

to buy.

lingerie was a nightmare.

a real dive bar

it wasn't a faux

dive

bar

that we found in the woods,

no, it was the real deal where

the servers

had severe

dental issues,

and the owner

was on probation for

serving

minors,

and stealing cars.

there was a dog

tied up

out back to a truck tire

in the rain.

they specialized in sloppy

joe's

and liver and onions,

breakfast

all day.

from which animal it all

came from,

who's to know.

there was always a man

asleep

with his head on the bar,

sleeping one off,

and a women

in the back,

with her dress pulled up

as she

shaved her legs, and sang

a song.

the floors were tilted like

a sinking ship,

and the roof leaked,

we ordered eggs and sausage

to go, not staying long,

then ate it in the car.

Julie's two bottles of beer

almost

everyday, when i open

the refrigerator door

i see on

the shelf

two bottles of beer

in green glass,

the labels

nearly worn off from age.

Julie left them here

along

with one

shoe,

a dress, a book, and an

alarm

clock.

once day i'll put it all into

a box

and call her.

but not today.

i'm busy.

all those ticking watches

i open

the top drawer to look

at all of my

watches.

gifts, ones i bought for myself

because

they looked

fancy.

a few hand me downs.

all them still ticking,

behind or ahead

exactly

one hour.

gold bands,

silver,

rubberized straps,

leather bands,

black and brown.

red.

one is engraved and says

i'll love you

until the end of time.

that one,

the battery has run out.

we never went there Kim says

we never landed on the moon,

Kim K. tells

me

as she does her long nails,

and 

studies her phone.

adjusting her

enormous bottom

in a folding chair.

what?

i say.

what are you talking about?

we went there

six times.

fabricated, she says, it's a hoax.

a movie

production

to make us look great in the eyes

of the world.

no one could possibly

go to the moon,

it would be in all the papers,

in the news.

and why would they go there

anyway.

there's no air,

no water, no food.

just rocks.

there's not a single nail salon

up there.

Houston we have a problem

i bring

a book to the car dealership,

to wile

away the hours

as they work

on my car

and its flashing dashboard

lights

saying,

get out quickly,

run,

the brakes system has

failed,

abandon all hope,

Houston we have a problem,

run far.

say goodbye

to your loved ones

and get your house in order,

or bring it in for the oil

change

and brake fluid

replacement.

you're overdue by ten

hours.

listen kid, this is what you need to do

if you

had a wise person in your

life

at an early age,

an elder

who sat you down

to give

you advice,

a teacher, a parent,

a stranger on the street,

would you

have even listened

and took note, 

adjusted the path you

were on?

probably not, but

it would have

been nice

just the same.

forever young

was she angry,

smiling,

sad,

disappointed, happy?

was she

pleased with me,

uncertain?

it was hard to tell

anymore

where she stood with

anything.

a bi-monthly

injection had

kept her inscrutable,

kept her young.

small problems along the way

it's a pebble

in my shoe,

a piece of lint

on the sweater,

something caught

between

my teeth.

these are things i'll

get to

eventually.

the untied shoe,

the button

come loose,

the door

that won't close,

and you.

as the world burns

we drive

by the scream of sirens

going

in the other direction and talk

about dinner.

we pay

no mind to the traffic

in the other lanes

at a standstill, bumper

to bumper,

the blaring of horns.

the smell of smoke

and ash

in the air.

we roll the windows up

and

we drive on,

we ponder what shall it be

tonight, 

Mexican or Thai,

or just keep

driving home and heat up

what we find.

same as it always was

i find

the broken eggs on my porch

difficult

to wash off.

i boil water,

then pour it on the dried yolks.

i get the broom

out.

the ice scraper.

it's hopeless, so i turn my

attention

to the graffiti

on the brick,

getting the power washer

out.

at last,

i start winding up all the toilet

paper

draped across my

roof and trees.

crazy kids.

you gotta love em.

same as it always was.

Sunday morning payday

around 5 a.m.

i wake up, hearing the rustling

of coins

and keys.

my belt buckle

clicking

against itself.

i look across the bedroom

to see her

bent over in

the dimly lit room,

going through my wallet

and pant pockets.

counting cash.

licking her thumb

with each

bill, mumbling

out the count.

i say nothing, and lie back

down.

maybe it's just a bad dream.

we love everyone, but you

they like

their signs, God Bless this House,

planted

in the front yard.

we like

all people.

black, brown, white

and all the ones in between.

Buddhist?

we don't care,

Catholic, Atheist, come one

come all.

Coexist.

it takes a village.

be kind,

be generous, be inclusive,

peace and love

to all mankind,

but whatever you

do,

don't be conservative

and vote

on the right.

the train awaits

it's all

glitter and glam,

confetti

and champagne at first.

and then

the hangover

sets in.

the wedding dress is saran

wrapped

in the closet.

it's the morning after.

there's bills to pay,

a dog

to walk,

bushes to be trimmed.

is this milk

sour?

what's the expiration date?

how about

we scramble some eggs

before we go

our separate ways?

no.

i have to go,

the train awaits.

i'll be home after

seven or so, no need to wait up,

i'll be

working the late.

it was Becky who smashed my pumpkin

there's

a smashed pumpkin on my porch,

a few cracked

eggs as well

splattered on the door.

large brown shells

are scattered about.

they look organic,

from free range chickens,

no doubt.

i have my suspicions

as to who

the culprit was

who carried this Halloween

mayhem out.

i think it was Becky, the comptroller

of the condo

board,

and yoga instructor for Antifa,

the eighty-year-old

blue haired

spinster

three houses down.

we've never gotten along,

not since the day i moved in twenty

three years ago

and put

the stars and stripes out.

sleep walking through the early years

strange

to sleepwalk. to get up

in the middle of

the night,

in the middle

of a dream

and stumble around the house.

to open

doors,  go down flights

of stairs

and walk about

as if awake.

it reminds me so much

of what i did

daily

in my early years

from nine

to five

when i punched the clock

for a paycheck.

the rain will eventually stop

i lost

track of time, of days.

the constant

rain

kept me home

for weeks.

i grew a long

white beard,

i ran out of books to read,

and then the sun came out.

i got in my rowboat

with my dog,

my cat,

my parakeet and mouse,

and started rowing

towards the  7-11.

i could see it's saving light

in the distance,

things

will be fine.

the toy trumpet for Christmas

eventually

we had to hide his toy trumpet.

it was a Christmas

mistake,

so were the drums

and the tuba,

the tambourine and kazoo.

eventually we taught

the boy how

to be a mime,

like Marcel Marceau,

then things were fine.

you could see it in her eyes

he was

a wild dog, you could see

it in her eyes

she was a cup

of crazy,

the constant barking,

the gnawing

on furniture

and shoes,

impossible to housetrain,

and yet i loved her.

my usual mistake.

a little Trumper at the door

only

one child knocked on the door

last night

with a plastic

pumpkin

to carry his candy around.

one small

boy

dressed as the president,

with an orange

wig,

blue suit and red tie.

trick or treat, he said,

doing a fine impersonation

for a five

year old.

he held his pumpkin out.

take as much as you want

mr. president, i told him.

we all think

you're doing a wonderful

job.

we're looking forward to

three more years.

love the ballroom idea,

by the way.

you have a way with 

the wrecking ball.

then he did a little dance

as i put the Village People

on.

Costco won't let me in

who

are these people keeping me out of Costco

and Sam's Club,

without

an ID.

without a membership

card.

how evil,

how despicable

the world

has become.

i have rights too, i'm human

and need

to eat. i need to drink,

to put clothes

on my back.

my ancestors came over on

the Mayflower, or a ship

similar to that.

how

dare they

ask me for

identification.

a driver's license, or

a library card,

a place that i bank at.

what has this country come to?

they won't let me into

their big store.

these uniformed

rent a cop fascists.

the blood is everywhere

with luck,

and endurance, after

ten thousand

words

tumble out from this machine.

i might stumble

upon

one good poem, one

structured

and 

thoughtful piece of art.

a single one

worth keeping.

it's rare, but i wait for it,

i wait to pick up

that one

diamond on a highway

of broken glass.

the blood

is everywhere.

only two more months to go

i remember

my mother standing in the kitchen,

at the counter,

sweat

on her brow,

flour on her nose,

her red apron on,

making cookies, Christmas was

only 75 days away.

she'd wipe her

glasses clean

on the curtain of the open

window.

we stood

and waited for one or two samples,

at the most.

still warm from

the oven,

before she froze the rest

in wrapped

batches, carefully

labeled and placed in the ice box.

she used every

spoon, every spatula,

and mixer, every bowl,

every long tray

she had in her arsenal.

nuts of all kinds.

brown

and white sugar. vanilla extract,

chocolate,

candied sprinkles.

all without

a recipe in sight.

so many cookies, so many

children.

none of it would last long.

this one time in band camp

live

long enough, and you'll

accumulate

a lot of ribald stories,

bawdy

tales of youth

and beyond.

many that you've embellished

over the years,

expanded

and changed, honed to a fine

a point.

you've become a modern day,

Red Foxx or

Mark Twain.

you don't even bother

using fake

names anymore,

as you scrawl with your verbal pen,

because most of the characters

in your stories

are long gone.

and they can't correct

a thing.

tinkling issues

on the fourth

visit

to dribble out pee into

the dark

bathroom,

as the night drains on,

but not me,

i figure it's time to google

web md

and investigate

this prostate thing.

to find

a supplement to unclog

the pipes,

so to speak.

google will know what

to do,

or maybe the reliable

ChatGPT.

drill baby drill

this is by all accounts

the dentist's favorite day of the year.

Halloween.

in a month

or so,

he'll reap the reward

of Mary Janes

stuck in

the molars of so many children's

mouths,

the candied apples,

the double bubble gum,

the chocolate bars,

the lollipops.

all disintegrating

those young pearly whites.

what fun.

finding a place for things

so much

of life is spent finding a place

for things.

a place

to live,

a home with

trees

near water, and

where to put the chairs,

the tables,

which wall to hang

a picture on.

should the bed be near the window,

what about the orange vase

your mother

gave us

for Christmas,

in full display on the mantle?

or is there

room for it

still,

in the cellar?

guaranteed to last a life time

the ad says,

guaranteed to last a lifetime,

but i have

my doubts.

no salesman will visit your home

it proclaims,

buy three

get the fourth one free,

able to get the most

stubborn

of stains out.

we're going out of business,

everything

must go,

no credit check, it's your

last chance

before we close for good.

promises made,

promises kept.

it'll put a spring in your step,

hair on your head,

make your wife

happy.

no sugars added,

no MSG.

everything you see and buy,

is one hundred per cent

guaranteed.

money back

if not satisfied, return

the unused portion

within in thirty days,

without

a receipt.

winter travel

it's cold

and the mice

want in, i see them

gathering

at

the small crevice in the brick,

with their

long coats on,

hats and gloves,

carrying

their luggage.

papers in hand.

the line moves slowly,

but they're patient,

one at a time

the mouse at the turnstile

says.

pointing,

turn left at the vent

and up you go

to the attic.

pj's with long sleeves

after

the cold strikes,

and the rain overnight

has ceased,

the window

is yellow

with trees.

how quickly it all changes.

once you

were young,

rushing out the door

to work,

and now this,

staring out the window

in your

pj's

with long sleeves.

maybe they don't know

maybe they don't know,

i think,

as i sit on the park bench

watching

grown men

and women, children fishing

at the man

made lake.

i watch them sliding worms

onto hooks

and casting out

into the murky water,

sinking their lines

with small lead weights.

maybe they don't know

that Safeway has fish now.

a beautiful field of mushrooms

it was exciting

in a way,

the siren wailing over the elementary

school,

us under our desks,

protected by

paper

and wood, the teacher

trying to keep

us calm

before telling us to run

home to our

homes,

our dad and moms.

we didn't understand, but

we were happy

to have

an early afternoon off.

we wondered

if doing our

homework was even

necessary once the bombs

began to drop,

creating a beautiful

field of mushrooms.

tomatoes for the road

when

i see the tomatoes

still on

the vines

at the store, i pick them

up and hold

them to my nose.

there were so many

late summers

when i took

bags of them

home.

he loved his garden, his

little plot

of land

beneath the window,

beside

the concrete patio.

it's rare

to hold one in my hand

these days and

not think

of him,

his tomatoes for the road.

there's a story here

it's a reminder,

this

ring on the wood

of the old

table, once new,

a spot where many

wet cups

were set,

carelessly left,

glasses of wine,

mugs

of beer. cold bottles,

warm

drinks.

it's a tale, a quiet story,

but not forgotten

of who

was here.

sticks and stones

it was easier

when in grade school to insult

your

childhood

colleagues

that you disagreed

with or didn't like.

you called each other names

on the playground,

like fatso,

stupid,

butthead, or skinny minnie,

but truthfully

not much has changed.

now instead of saying

we don't like

you, or that i beg to differ,

we call each other names

like Hitler or

Mussolini,

or Pol Pot, or Hanoi Jane.

this land is your land, etc.

my friend Lucy,

tells me that there should be no borders,

zero.

this land is

everyone's land, like

the song says,

from California to Long Island.

hmmm,

i say.

watching her as she jabs her

arm with a safety pin.

so at night, you don't lock

your doors,

or windows.

it's okay if someone breaks into

your house,

and sleeps in your

bed or couch,

eats your food and takes your

car for a ride?

you're good with that?

paying their doctor bills, putting

their kids in school,

clothing them, tucking

them in at night?

you don't want a fence around

your house, a wall,

a security camera? nothing?

all doors swing open?

well, that's different, she says.

i'm talking about countries,

not houses.

before you order the wedding cake

it's important

to examine someone's medicine

cabinet

before making

a commitment.

peer into a few closets,

look under

the bed,

go down to the cellar,

climb the steps

to the attic,

and when you can,

dive into their phone.

open a few

drawers,

before the ring goes on,

become snoop dog,

Sherlock Holmes,

Columbo.

Angela Lansbury in

Murder

She Wrote.

that's what love is, right?

she knew how

to push

my buttons, rattle my cage,

get under

my skin,

confuse and abuse

my mental

state.

she knew how to gaslight,

to white

lie her

way through the day,

into the night.

but i looked the other way,

because that's

what love is?

right?

taking control of my life

in a desperate

move

for order, for reason and stability,

i make my bed.

i pull the sheets

up tight

around the mattress

after shaking free the crumbs

of chips

and cookies,

then carefully

lay out the blanket,

smoothing out the creases.

i fluff the pillows

as i line them up

against the headboard.

i stand back and admire my

handiwork

after adjusting a lampshade.

i'm in control here.

this could possibly

be the beginning

of a new day.

nearly every breath you take

we see things

we've never seen before.

floods and fires,

volcanoes,

twisters

and earthquakes.

we have close ups

of animals

deep in the woods,

in the ocean,

the moon

and mars,

surgical procedures.

there's someone at the door,

in the car.

we see robberies, crimes

of all sorts,

the cameras are

everywhere.

in your ears,

your mouth.

not second goes by

without 

a moment of our lives

being recorded.

everyone's a star.

nurse on reserve

i find

a piece of broken glass

on the floor

with my

left foot

causing a small but

painful

gash.

i drip blood behind me

as i walk

to the hall closet where

the red cross

box

waits for me,

and my nurse, Jenna,

who sits

me down

and cleans the wound,

wraps it

tight.

will there be anything else,

she asks?

yes, i tell her,

dinner at eight, tonight.

the quiet majority

it's less

crowded as you go to vote early.

still

there's a line, but it

moves along

quickly.

people are polite,

both left and right.

they talk

and smile, 

stamp their feet

and rub

their hands in the cold.

there's no rabble rousers

there.

no flag burning nut cakes.

this is what most Americans

are like.

peaceful and able

to agree to disagree

before

casting their

vote, then

going for coffee as they

walk around the lake.

a twist on Halloween

it's a strange twist

for the blue

haired,

septum ring

wearing

crazies on the street protesting.

the costumes

they wear,

of blow up

frogs and dog,

chickens. men in dresses,

girls

in combat boots

will come off.

this Halloween they will

clean themselves

up, take a shower,

brush their hair and go out as

normal people,

republicans.

tit for tat

is everything

a negotiation with you, she asks.

is that how

it's going to be,

tit for tat,

a transactional relationship?

maybe,

i tell her,

and if you stop

talking for one second,

i'll answer that.

the dumbing of America

what is the word?

is it

chutzpah?

is that it, what the next

mayor

of New York has.

free buses,

free housing, frozen rents,

free healthcare.

he will build us a Shangri-La

in the big apple.

he's surrounded

by men

in turbans, and young women

with blue hair,

and soy boys

with soft hands,

chanting cult like,

all of them with low IQ's.

math and economics 101,

not being

their favorite subject.

reality is coming.

good times are coming

i rub my hands

together,

pull on my red wool socks

and go

out into the yard

for wood

to build a fire.

there's snow on the ground.

i should have

put pants on,

it's cold.

i feel like a farmer

in 1929,

though less depressed.

i'm sure good times will

come back

around.

two lips pressed together

she kisses

me with her red lips

and leaves

an imprint

of lipstick on my cheek

and neck.

she's marked me

for the day.

i'm hers,

i'll have no chance

with the rest.

so that's what lipstick

is for,

ah ha.

the new year book edition

the obituaries

scare

you.

these people are younger

than you.

much younger.

why are they dropping like flies.

look at them

in their suits

and dresses,

their fine shirts with

ties.

it's a new yearbook edition

for the next

school

up there in the clouds,

higher learning

in the skies.

lemon chicken, no, come on now

i see on

the news an ex of mine at the Portland

Ice

detention center

in a gas mask.

she's throwing

rocks,

and chanting, spitting,

saying

words i never heard her say

before.

it's the angriest

i've seen her

since

we were married and i told

her i can't eat

this lemon chicken

anymore.

Sugar Town

i wouldn't know

Bad Bunny, the performer

who will be playing at the Superbowl,

if he came hopping

down

the street with an

Easter basket

full of chocolate eggs.

but then again,

i don't know a single song

by Taylor Swift,

or Miley Cyrus,

or Queen Latifa.

or Snoop Dog. i'm so far out

the loop

of music.

what the hell's a Drake?

i'm still putting vinyl records

onto the turn table.

singing to the Zombies

greatest hits,

which were only three songs,

really.

followed by Nancy Sinatra

singing,

Sugar Town.

vacancy, rooms available, free-wifi and a continental breakfast

with each

new

soul mate, i got a tattoo

on my arm,

along with

the painful

process of the laser gun

erasing,

the list of other

names,

the names of girls,

then women

i hooked my wagon to.

finally,

my arm ravaged with scar

tissue,

limp at my side

from love

gone wrong,

i had to go to the other

arm,

which read vacancy.

rooms available,

free wi-fi,

and a continental breakfast.

please apply.

stay off it for awhile

i know

this bister on my foot

will heal,

but

in the middle of it, red,

and sore,

oozing.

it feels as if it might

never end.

almost

everyday there's

something

like that,

a wound that hurts, 

but with time, and care,

mends.

the street opera

there's approximately

eight men,

a few women,

at the crack

of dawn,

all in green vests and white

hard hats,

digging into

the street, a nice tidy

square where one man

climbs down. the trucks are lined

up along the curb.

one person waves

you forward with his sign,

another person,

holds traffic coming the other way.

it's an all-day affair.

an orchestrated

play.

the jack hammers

hammering,

the shovels and tar,

the steam roller

at the end as the sun goes

down, and the world

is almost under

the stars.

the fat lady at last singing.

plumber Mike

he smiles,

knowingly, then pulls

down his welder's mask

and lights

the torch,

bends to the pipe

in the tightest

of corners,

fixing

the smallest of leaks.

a tiny

hole in the copper elbow

where

water springs out.

it could

ruin

everything, but there's

nothing to fret

about.

it's easy

for him, saving the world,

one weld

at a time.

satisfying, as you pay him

whatever

he wants

for five minutes

of time.

three wads of bubblegum lost in her hair

i was in the eleventh

grade

at the time, slow dancing to

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts club

band,

with Vivian

my new flame,

when i accidentally lost the gum

i was chewing

in her hair.

her long black hair that she

swung around

with youthful exuberance

when doing cheers

next to the football field.

i tried to wiggle the gum out

with my lips, my tongue,

my teeth,

but only buried it deeper.

and then she screamed.

her parents came running down

the stairs,

and the other couples jumped

from the couches

interrupting their make out

sessions.

the lights went on and the music

stopped.

ice didn't work,

her girlfriends gathered around

her as she cried.

i slunk away,

out the door. backpedaling.

the following Monday i saw

her in school, walking down

the hallway,

cold and silent.

her hair cut as short as Mia Farrow's

in Rosemary's baby.

the Macaroni Grill

she arrived

at the bar in her yellow corvette,

circa 1979.

which she parked

diagonally in the lot.

her hair

was of the same era,

stacked

high on her head,

a beehive

if there ever was one.

she wore

a purple dress,

and when

she opened her purse

for a tube of lipstick i spied a pink

handgun.

a small derringer

with her initials

engraved into the handle.

i asked her

about the gun,

and she told me that she

just got off

work at her mother's liquor

store where

she worked behind

the counter,

and plexiglass.

we're robbed almost every week,

she said.

then picked up the menu

and asked,

so what's good here?

where do i put this trash?

the green

scam, the eco-friendly,

the climate

change

activists,

the environmentally

safe

paint

and oil, chemical

additives,

the blue bin

for

tin or paper,

glass

or plastic.

stop the madness

with your five barrels

for a variety

of trash.

relax,

and have a cold one,

the world

is a bar of soap, how

long can

it last.

i don't want the winner

give me

the plain, the simple,

the ordinary.

give me

the vanilla, the same thing

over

and over

again.

spare me the exotic fruit,

the smooth operator,

the special,

the extraordinary,

those who

have personality plus.

i don't want

the four star,

or the blue ribbon,

the winner

of the beauty contest.

don't give me the overreach,

give me

something normal,

someone

i can trust.

house triage

it's a long list,

a myriad

of broken things around the house.

a key

is snapped

in two

stuck in the front door.

wind seeps

through

a crack in the window.

the sink

leaks,

only one burner on the oven

works.

the light in the hall

is burned out,

the ac

is on the fritz.

what get's fixed first,

i ask my

therapist,

which makes her shake

her head

and say,

let's start with you, then

we'll go

down the list.

we need more voters on our side, so let's open the borders

it's a theory

maybe, or maybe it's true

that the

influx

of ten million undocumented

people crossing

the border

are coming over

into the open arms of a certain

political party

for free stuff,

funded credit cards,

food, clothing, 

free room and board in fine

hotels,

medical

care and schools.

plus they get to vote with no

ID, zero identification

at all.

just a guess, but you kind of

know who

that vote will be for.

one spank on a full diaper

i remember

striking

my son once on his bottom.

he was about

to stick a flat head

screwdriver

into a light switch, which

may or may not

have burned the whole

place down.

i sprained my hand on his

thick heavy

diaper

waiting to be changed.

i iced it, wrapped it

with an ace bandage and put

the tool away.

he looked at me

with tears in his eyes,

and frowned.

no wind in my sail

there is no more

wind

in my sail

for argument, for difficult

people,

for trouble

small or large.

enough

is enough, those days

are far

gone.

a handful of loved

ones,

at peace with themselves

and world,

is fine now.

before i rest what's tired

the windows

left

open over night

leaves

the house cold

when coming home.

it feels as

if might snow

in here

at any moment.

the sink

is dripping ice.

i throw another

blanket onto the bed.

another

long onto the fire,

the kettle

whistles,

bread rises in the oven.

more wood

to chop

before the sun goes down,

before

i lie down, before i rest

what's tired.

look at me, walking without a limp

when my

knee hurts, the left one in particular,

from 50 years

of sports,

bone on bone

according to my

doctor Jimmy, i try

to fake

the pain, and try to stroll

around as if

i'm still of a younger age.

i still got it.

i'm fine,

i'm not melting or disintegrating

before your

eyes.

no crutch, no walker, no

knee replacement

for me.

see, look at me walk,

look at

the spring in my step

as i grip a shopping cart.

i got this

i tell the world as i fill it

up with prunes

and Ensure,

24 in a box.

the golden age of slow motion

the commercial

for

fine dining,

and dancing,

is in slow motion, so is

the one

for whiskey

and a cruise

across the Atlantic,

the senior

home,

elderly sitting by a fire,

laughing,

all in slow motion,

pickle ball,

and fireworks,

even

the waves arriving

on shore

from the ocean.

all of it in slow motion.

they know

what we want,

don't they?

let's slow this world

down,

we have money

and we're not quite ready

to leave.

first job as a fry cook at Bob's Burgers

so where

do you see yourself in five years,

the interviewer

asked me

as i applied for the minimum

wage job

as a fry

cook at Bob's Burgers.

close your eyes

and take your time with

your answer,

the manager told me.

a kid going to

junior college studying

yoga

and bee keeping.

umm, i said.

i see myself in a corner

office

on wall street making the big

bucks,

with a big house,

a sports car

and a hot wife named Amber

who wears

a red bikini all day.

okay, okay.

the manager says.

are you willing to cut your

hair, or wear

a hair net

as you fry the potatoes?

sure, i tell him.

great, you're hired.

the weekend social warrior blues

again

i see my neighbor,

the protest weekend warrior,

on her

porch crying.

what's up, i ask, putting

my hand

on her shoulder.

she smells like

tear gas

and jail, Doritos.

i was in the pokey all night,

she tells me,

rubbing her

eyes.

her face is red as a tomato.

i shouldn't

have punched that cop,

but he wouldn't

talk to me, or answer my

questions

about the constitution.

so i hit him.

i think my ribs are bruised

from

his Billy club pushing against

me when

i joined the crowd

and tried to rush the detention

center.

i don't think i can play

pickleball

today,

or tomorrow, not to mention

go to the shoe

sale at Norstrom's

this weekend.

my left foot is swollen where it

got hit with a pepper

ball.

the secret of a good marriage

to truly

get along, we have to overlook

our differences

and smile.

we have to ignore each

other's short

comings,

faults

and weird habits.

we have to look the other

way,

when something stupid is

said,

or done.

we have to pretend

that words

don't matter,

it's the only

way

to stay together and move on.

i just made a salad, take a look

amazed

by the new phone,

the first

phone,

not the wall phone but the phone

in my

pocket, like

most people i took pictures

of everything

then sent them along

for discussion,

or a like,

or a wow.

i took pictures of sunsets,

sunrises.

cups of coffee,

even salads.

oh look,

there's a bird on a branch,

a snake

on the ground.

don't ask me why i was

such a shutter

bug, but i've changed,

i rarely

take it out now

unless it's something really

really special,

like over there in

that field,

a cow.

don't let it slide

it sends

a chill down your back

when

you realize what's true,

what isn't.

it's a bright light within

you,

and yet

there's darkness everywhere

else.

how long

can you go without saying

a word.

without telling

the world what you know?

maybe

let it slide, let it go.

no.

betting on the games NBA style

you hear

two NBA players whispering to each

other as they

sit on the bench

adjusting their

solid

gold chains

around their necks.

both multi-millionaires.

yo,

i'm going to sit out the fourth

quarter,

i've got a hundred

grand

on this game

saying that we lose.

so it's best i don't participate.

i'm going to fall

down at half time

and pretend my

ankle hurts.

dang,

the other one says, i've got

a bet down

too with Luciano Maggiano,

that i'll get three more dunks

before the game

is over.

but i'll make sure we lose, okay?

deal?

deal, brother.

new job opportunities

there are so many new

job

opportunities these days.

you can go work

for ICE

rounding up

illegal immigrants,

or become a paid protester

on the streets

protesting

the rounding up of illegal

immigrants.

each with a sizable

salary.

it's hard to decide which one

to do.

each has a uniform,

a hat and mask,

some cool boots.

one has a green vest with

a variety of signs and

megaphone to carry,

while

and the other one has

night vision goggles

and unlimited

pepper spray.

we are all know it alls now

it's a blah

blah

blah world. talking heads

blabbering

about what's right or wrong.

what to do

next.

we are all know it alls now.

everyone has an opinion,

and have had

it always.

it's just

that now they're on the street

corner,

or online

with wide open mouths,

day into night

as the sun goes down.

synthetic oil

it's a rough

tight room at the Jiffy Lube.

the walls

are yellowed, not

from paint,

but from time.

after i agree with the pirate

behind 

the cut-out window

for synthetic oil

i pick up

a magazine

off the table with Liz Taylor

on the front,

getting

divorced again,

but keeping her weight down.

i rub my fist

against the porthole in the wall

to look into

the garage

to see how my car is doing.

the hood is up,

the doors are

open. i can see someone's

arms

sticking up from under it

with a wrench

of some kind.

a man comes in looking sad,

holding

my air filter.

okay, i tell him, then

sit back down.

i see there's a bathroom

with a sign on the door

that says,

Anyone.

but i feel that

i can hold it until i get home.

the leaves can wait

with the rake

leaning against the wall,

the winter

sun

is a good sun to sit out

in.

to have it kiss you

gently

on the face,

to warm you

as the leaves fall.

it's

nice to sit here and do

nothing

letting the low

yellow

sun

wash over you.

the leaves can wait

a little while

longer.

destroying a precious shrine

i take a sledge hammer

to the shed

in the yard,

it's full of cobwebs and mold.

old rusted

tools,

a bike with flat tires,

when the condo board

president comes over

screaming, asking

what are you doing?

do you know what an

historic national shrine

that shed is?

how dare you destroy

what has stood there

since 1968. you have

some nerve, some gall.

and what do you plan to

do once this precious old

shed is gone?

build a nicer one i tell her.

something with a chandelier,

big windows to let

in the light,

a dance floor, room for

everyone that i want to visit me,

excluding you.

saving the wildlife and being a good person

i prove to myself

that i'm

a good person by stopping

the car

and carrying a turtle

across the road.

my headlights

catch the dull sheen 

of it's green

thatched shell.

it will be my good deed

for the day.

i talk to it softly, telling it,

common on slow poke,

you have to speed

it up when

crossing the road.

i take a picture of it to share

with others.

unfortunately, it snaps

and bites me

on the hand

as i pick it up from

underneath.

i had no idea that their

necks could stretch out

that far.

angered, i fling the ungrateful

turtle as far as

i can. luckily, i hear

a splash

in a nearby creek.

he didn't hit a tree or a rock,

so he didn't crack.

so i guess i'm a good person

after all.

but now to the clinic

for a tetanus shot.

the passing of Mary Beth

there's a picture

of Mary Beth in the newspaper.

i had a crush on her

in high school.

she was once

queen of the prom,

captain of the cheerleaders,

valedictorian

and voted most likely

to succeed.

she passed away in her sleep

after a long illness,

after forty years

of working at Walmart.

if i had known

she worked there i would have

gone in once

in a while.

i can still see her in that red

bikini.

i have a picture in my wallet.

don't waste your life

i unwrap

the book that comes in the mail

without

a return

address written on it.

i don't recognize the handwriting.

it could be

from anyone.

brother, sister, parent or friend.

the book is

titled 

Don't Waste Your Life.

tips on living

your best life,

being productive and putting

your best

foot forward

in all your endeavors.

it's a step by

step manual on

finding out the reason why 

you're here

on earth.

i flip through the pages,

skim,

then throw it into waste bin.

it's too late in the game

for such nonsense.

the destination wedding

they insisted

on formal wear, on tuxedos,

gowns,

bling,

shiny shoes and done

up hair.

it was a destination wedding

to Bali.

it cost us nearly three thousand

dollars

in air fare

and lodging for the week.

gifts

and luggage,

a car rental.

it was a wonderful wedding

on the beach

with a band and unlimited

food and drinks.

two weeks

later, they got divorced.

we're having our

lawyer look into this for a refund.

shut up

it's interesting

when

someone tells you that you've

had

all the advantages

that others

don't have.

that's why you have a house

and money,

a car.

things, so many things.

the color

of your skin

got you here, your parents

and their

money.

it's hilarious, funny to hear

as i think

back 

and remember the church

leaving

food on our porch,

food stamps

and social workers trying

to split us up,

the electricity 

being cut off because there

was not a penny

to pay the bills.

we had no car.

holes in our shoes.

everything was hand me down.

there was

no air conditioning in a house

with broken

windows,

one bathroom

for eight.

but we somehow survived

and made

due.

then we went to work.

what's your excuse?

even the sky seems bluer

we're not

far from the city, maybe

fifty miles

out,

heading west when we

see cows

and horses.

red barns,

long fields of corn

and grain,

clap board houses with people

on the porch

who wave.

even the sky seems bluer

above

the wind vanes.

it's another world,

another

way.

rarely anything new that's good

it's difficult

to have an original thought

when you're

plugged in

all day,

at work,

on a jog, a walk.

there's someone in your

ear

and eyes

telling you how to think,

how to behave,

teaching you

what to say.

the absence of being silent

is killing

culture.

that's why there's very

little new

music

or books, or poetry.

everything thing is less

than what it was,

or feels

the same.

dough boys

we need

more plumbers,

more electricians, skilled

carpenters

and roofers,

painters and drywall

workers.

we need men to lay tar

on the roads

to build

with wood and brick,

steel.

we need someone

to drive

the trucks,

the cranes, the back hoes.

we need

architects

and planners.

but the young want to take

the easy way out,

sitting behind

a desk

with soft hands

and manicured nails,

turning into dough.

drug cartel boats go boom

as if in

a video game, the speed boats

and makeshift

drug cartel

submarines are being blown 

to smithereens

on the highs seas.

they appear to be

full

of sacks of cocaine

and whatever

other lethal concoctions

they've made.

some say

about time, while others cry

and say

what about their rights?

shouldn't we catch them

first

and process them to see if

they've actually

committed a crime.

maybe we can talk to them

and ask them

why.

give them safe haven,

with three meals

and a bed,

health care and a psychologist

to see what's

on their mind.

sometimes a hug is all a person

needs to turn

their life around.

meanwhile,

maybe a thousand less people

have overdosed

and died.

i have no idea what anyone was talking about, but it was fun

it's a fine group

of elderly folk, some i know,

some i don't.

the ten of us

meet up

in a Mexican restaurant

located in a building

about to be torn down.

there's a sombrero on the wall.

tin placards

of tacos

and burritos,

margaritas.

photos of old Mexico

with burros

and banditos wearing long

bands

of bandoleros.

looking for trouble

riding under movie like clouds.

i don't hear a word of what anyone

is saying,

everyone talking at the same

time and the music

being so loud.

so i just nod

and smile,

agreeing to whatever the

conversation is about.

occasionally i reach for the bean

dip and stick a chip

in, being

careful not to spill.

in case of emergency dial 911

i notice

in the far realm

of the top shelf of the refrigerator

a can

of whipped cream

left over from

last Thanksgiving

when Betty came over with a pumpkin pie.

the tin bottom

has a little rust on it.

hmmm.

can it possibly still be good.

i give it a good shake,

open my mouth,

and squirt in a large stream

of sugary sweet

cream.

i throw a maraschino

cherry into

the mix,

once i run hot water over

the stuck lid.

so far so good.

but we'll see how the night goes.

i'll keep my phone

nearby.

something has to give

it's a disheartening sign

when you

hear that gun sales

are up.

but so is consumption 

of donuts

and big gulps.

potato chips

and dips.

people are emotionally eating

whiles

packing heat

in their bulging yoga

pants and under

their ponchos

and mohair sweaters,

something has to give.

taking the bait daily

the internet

is now

the National Enquirer

as it was

when growing up.

alien babies

found

on the roof of the pentagon,

Oprah,

exposed,

exclusive photos,

Marilyn Monroe,

did she really have six

toes

on each foot.

is Hillary

really a man?

Obama gay? does his

lover

work for the CIA?

we want to buy the paper

just to find out

what the truth is,

we salivate to know,

and the same goes for now,

we want to click 

on the blurb,

and take the bait,

the first milking of a cow

there must have been

for the first

time in history

when

a man took a bucket over

to a cow,

much to her surprise,

and started pulling on

her, squeezing milk

from her fat belly.

what did his wife think,

standing at the doorway

of the barn?

asking, what in the hell are

you doing now,

Elmer?

what did the cow think?

did the other animals

raise their eyebrows

and run?

mattress on the roof of a Beetle

i'm worried

about the car in front of me

with a king size

mattress

tied to the roof.

it's a small car with

a young couple inside.

just married

is written in soap on

the back window.

tin cans drag

from behind.

a strong wind

blows

the mattress

from side to side,

trying to free itself,

trying to fly.

it's a wobbly start to

this new

life.

ten hours left to go

it's a day

of mismatched socks.

spills,

trips and falls,

flat tires

and fingers caught

in a door.

i should have stayed

in bed,

but there are things

to do

despite the world

falling around me,

just ten hours left to go.

i had her wrong the whole time

i push

the bee off the rim of the cup,

but she returns,

i swat at

it with a magazine

rolled up,

missing

the cyclone of

it's gold and black

body.

it circles around and buzzes

at my ear,

it wants to land

so badly

and sting me.

finally i give up and hold

my hand out,

where

she lands and settles down.

she looks at me,

and smiles,

then flies away. i had her

wrong

the whole time.

she just wanted to give me

honey.

there's a man on the roof

there's a man

on the roof shouting.

his shirt is off as he

throws his

arms

into the air.

he's angry

at so many things,

so many people.

i understand

this man.

i wave to him and give

him the thumbs

up.

two thumbs up.

i totally agree with 

whatever

he's saying, although

i can hardly understand

a word of what

he's screaming.

it feels like the truth,

though.

maybe tomorrow i'll

take a turn up there

if the rain stops.

i'm sick of eating chicken, honey bun

chicken again?

i ask

my wife, as she takes a roaster

out of the oven

with small potatoes,

unpeeled.

yes,

she says.

now sit down and shut up

and eat.

if had actually graduated

from college

and made

more money, maybe then

we could have

a better cut of meat.

it's only Monday, but so it

goes.

the start of another long week.

which generation are we on now?

there are so many generations

after

me

that i can't make heads

or tails

as to what they are,

millennials,

x, y, z.

who knows, who cares.

with each new crop of bodies

rising

up like flowers

or weeds,

they all have to learn what we've

already learned,

and now

know.

it's their turn to struggle

with the truth,

to swim or sink.

the magician

he wasn't a good

magician,

he knew that. his card tricks

were old

and stale,

and he often dropped them

on the floor.

pigeons died

in his coat

pocket.

children laughed.

he never made anything

or anyone

disappear,

pulled nothing out of a hat.

and yet

he had this wonderful

long black

cap,

and high-top

shiny hat.

and that seemed to be enough.

starting over

i try

to remember how many jobs

i've had

over the years.

how many places

have i lived,

girlfriends

that i've had,

counting them on my fingers,

then toes,

then ears, eyes

and nose.

i lose count and have to start

over.

as usual, with most things

in life,

i'm starting over and over

again.

dancing with sunlight in her hair

i almost made

a new

friend the other day.

which is rare,

because usually at this point

in life

you have

enough friends

and don't need another one

to confuse

your daily routines.

but she seemed nice

enough

as she approached my car

at the grocery store.

she was very pretty,

well dressed,

her hair done, make up.

the whole grown up

girl thing going on.

i rolled the window down

and said, hello there.

excuse me, kind sir, she said,

but do you have ten dollars

you could spare?

my car is out of gas and i

had to leave

it on the highway.

my kids are right over there

with my mother,

who is ill

and needs several organ transplants.

hmm, i said, then

noticed that she was holding

a violin in her hand,

which she began to play.

and spin around,

swaying to the music

with the sunlight in her hair.

so now what do you do?

i remember like

it was

yesterday, forty years ago,

researching on how

to start

a business. 

what license do i need,

what insurance,

what about taxes and liability.

should it be

a corporate

enterprise, a partnership,

or a lone

wolf kind of thing.

do i need an office, what

about employees,

what about

a truck and tools and this

and that.

advertising,

and now, as i sit here,

with nothing to do,

i type in how to shut down a business.

or is it too soon?

crazy in the head, crazy in bed

we were

totally infatuated

with each other

until we started talking politics

one morning after a lusty

session of making love.

it was an unfortunate turn

of events, because i was looking

forward to more happier

times.

but then she said something about

going to a protest march.

defunding the police,

and having no borders,

or jails,

mandatory vaccines,

no voter ID's,

letting boys play

in girl's sports,

and giving free health care

to non-citizens,

not to mention free surgical

care for

transitioning boys and girls

taught by

drag queens.

we need more social workers

and cashless bail, she told me,

then revealed

a tattoo of Bernie Sanders

on her shoulder

next to a hammer and sickle.

i lay there and said nothing.

keeping my mouth shut.

maybe i can fake this for another

week or two, i thought,

before she knows

i'm on the other side.

how about i make us some

breakfast, i proposed,

leaning over to sweetly kiss

her on the cheek.

how would you like your eggs,

honey?

bacon, maybe?

wheat toast?

an old thought approaches

i see an old thought

approaching,

limping,

dragging one leg

behind

the other.

i shake my head and tell

it to go back,

go back

to where it came from.

i thought i was done

with thinking these things,

but no, and now

it's too late

to turn it away, it's

getting comfortable again

in my head

and wants to stay.

usually by noon i'm okay

i'm

not a morning person.

i need

quiet.

i need time alone

to grunt

and stumble about.

i need serenity.

peace,

coffee, a long stare out

the window.

but by noon i'm

okay. at least

most of the time.

you'll see

if you decide to stay.

no need to read a dog's mind

there's no

need

to read a dog's mind.

he'll tell

what he wants with

a bark

or a thousand licks

upon your face,

a scratching at the door,

or his nose

moving his empty dish

around

on the floor.

they tell you plain and clear.

what the deal is.

unlike you

my dear.

with you, i'm always

unsure.

to be left in splendid isolation

we want

to be noticed. to be liked,

to be

admired

and accepted.

we want to be different,

unique,

to be remembered

after we die.

we want a legacy

of some sort

when we leave a room,

a school,

a job.

we want to be cried

for

when we die.

but not all of us feel

that way,

some of us just want to disappear

and hide.

live out

our lives in splendid

isolation.

love helps too

some days,

it feels late in the game.

winter

will do that to you.

the cold

air,

the wind.

the trees going grey

and bare.

sunlight

disappearing.

sleep is welcome at times

like this.

the comfort of home

and a good book.

love helps

too.

frogs vs. kings

i see

my neighbor deflating his green frog

costume that he

wore to the No Kings parade

down main street.

he seems happy,

sweaty and tired, but happy.

good march, i ask him,

as he slips out of the rubbery

green blow up skin.

oh, he says, it was wonderful,

i think we actually changed the world,

made this place

a better place to live in.

his voice is hoarse

from all his screaming and chanting.

carefully he takes off his green

crocs and rubs

the blisters on his feet.

wow, i tell him, that's great.

so what's next on the agenda?

when is the next protest slash parade?

hmmm.

not sure, he says. i have to wait

until i get an e-mail from

the organizers on the dark web.

but i'm having my frog costume ready

to hit streets again,

i just need to wash it down,

i tripped and fell into

a pile of dog doo along the way.

but hey, it's part of the sacrifices

we make.

you should march with us next time,

he says.

ummm.

no thanks,

i actually have a real life and fun

stuff going on.

i prefer not to waste my time

on stupid stuff,

like what you do.

don't be smart and get rich

do not

become rich,

do not become

an entrepreneur,

or an inventor

of something that will

make the world

better.

do not become a millionaire

or God

forbid

a Billionaire,

if you do,

they're coming to get you.

if you are brilliant

enough

to be a success, run

and hide,

they want half or more

of everything you

have.

how dare you be smart

and hardworking,

how dare you?

to quote Greta,

the doom goblin activist.

Bill and Nancy are disappointed in you

i could see down

the hall,

Olga, the HR officer

marching towards my cubicle.

i immediately stopped

doodling and eating

a bag of chips.

it could mean

only one thing.

i was fired again.

i gathered up my things

in a box,

including the black stapler

which i loved,

and some pens,

removed all of my snacks

from my top

desk drawer and waited.

sorry, she said,

standing in the doorway

blocking out

all light and hope, but

Bill and Nancy 

are very disappointed in you,

and sad

to see you go.

but it seems like you don't

know the first thing

about what you're doing here.

i laughed and handed her

my security badge, my

parking pass,

and told her, yeah, they're

right. i don't.

from a distance we seemed normal

we had

a sugar bowl on the table.

butter

in a porcelain dish,

salt and pepper shakers,

both silver.

we had dishes

and cutlery, though

many bent.

we had a linen tablecloth.

there was a clock on

the wall

that ticked,

a television in the corner.

a couch

some chairs

with which to sit.

there was a glow in the dark

statue of Jesus

on the dresser.

from a distance we seemed

like a normal

family.

everything but common sense

it's sad

in an amusing sort of way

to see

the mob,

the crowds, the chanting

crazies

out and about 

in the street

protesting

a duly elected president,

not a king.

and yet.

delusion has no limits.

blinded

by anger they march

and vent.

would a king

allow

a protest like this?

it's so insane that you can't

wrap

your head around it.

our education system

has failed

us,

everything was learned,

but common sense.

kneeling at the tub

as i kneel

at the new acrylic tub

and shower

with

a box of baking soda

and a bottle

of white

vinegar, preparing to lightly

scrub,

according

to the instructions on

the nine

piece warranty

document

given to me after installation,

i think

about where i am in life,

and what's

next

down the road.

why even vote anymore

you reach

a saturation level with

politics,

the news,

the constant haranguing

and hatred

coming out of the sides

and front

of the mouths

of elected officials.

the world is twisted,

it's upside down,

good is bad,

bad is good.

how in God's name did

we elect

these clowns.

jumping jack flash

it seems

impossible to know so many words

to so many

songs

from the past.

each note registered in

your head,

with your hand and foot

knowing exactly

when to tap.

and for the most part it all

came out

of a transistor radio

that you carried around,

then 8 tracks

in your beat up

car,

vinyl,

cd's.

it takes hearing

just one word,

one musical note, and you're

taken back

into time. part of the band.

singing in

harmony with the fellows,

to jumping jack flash.

the last cookie ever

she slaps an Oreo

cookie out

of my hand and tells me no.

sugar is the devil.

never buy

anything in a box, or a bag,

or wrapped

in plastic.

if it has more

than one ingredient

on the label,

don't put it in your mouth.

stick with

meat

and apples,

lettuce, nuts,

eggs.

can i just finish this one,

i beg. it'll be

the last cookie ever,

i promise.

okay. she says,

shaking her head.

so whatever happened to what's her name

people often

ask

me, so whatever happened to

what's her

name.

ever hear from her?

the crazy

wackadoodle bleached

blonde bimbo

you were with

for half a minute?

the skeleton

who was cheating on you

with that married

Captain Kangaroo

man?

beats me,

i tell them.

God only knows.

she could be with her

married

boyfriend, or her old

husband,

or in a strait jacket

at Belleview

texting on

her phone.

who knows, who cares.

it all seems

like a bad dream now,

a nightmare.

a year gone terribly wrong.

the morning fire

it's cold,

a very cold morning

with wind

blowing through the house.

of course it is, she says.

you left

the windows open again

last night.

it's almost November

not June.

come here,

i tell her, let's 

warm things up

a little before

the day begins.

then the dog jumps on

the bed.

not you

i tell him, down boy,

down,

but you my dear,

instead.

the no kings rally, yawn

i see a mob

of mostly old women

and P whipped men,

tagging

behind,

teens with blue hair

and nose

rings, all heading to the no

kings

rally in town.

the soy boys dressed in

black

to be scary. for them

it's Halloween all year.

i have no idea what they're

talking about.

we have a congress,

a senate,

a judicial system,

the supreme court,

checks and balances.

elections.

the constitution and the bill

of rights.

it's amazing

how dumb the mob has

become.

what a waste of time and energy.

but it's fun

to watch,

very entertaining

as we sit upon

our velvet red couch.

the endless empty parking lot

i remember

taking

my car to a garage to get the cracked

windshield

fixed.

the flat roofed brick

building was in a nearly

abandoned

strip mall

in Woodbridge.

it was raining, dark, dreary,

the whole

horror

show climate

was at hand.

i parked the car, gave

an old man

with bleary blue eyes

my keys and started walking

for what

seemed like

miles until i found a diner

to eat

breakfast in and drink

coffee.

i don't think i've ever felt

that alone

in my life.

sitting there, staring out

the greasy window

at the ocean of nothing,

nothing but

a concrete parking lot,

vacant,

empty of cars, of people,

of sunlight.

you're his only hope

it's a feeling,

my mother talking to me.

it doesn't come

all the time, but when i need

it the most

when trying

to decide on something

i'm unsure about,

wavering

on a moral issue,

i see her at the kitchen

table,

wiping the lenses

of her glasses, because

she's been cooking

at the stove all morning. i hear

her voice,

saying, it's okay.

it's okay to bail

your brother out of jail,

because if you don't do it,

no one else will.

when all is well

for once

it would be nice

to turn on the news and have

the reporter

throw up his or her

hands and declare that

nothing happened today.

nothing.

so what we're going to do

is show you

a live

feed of the ocean

with gulls in the air

while palm trees sway.

we'll show you seals and dolphins,

waves lapping the long

white sandy shore.

no words, no music.

no boring editorials,

just the quiet of the world

when

all is well.

when the lights go out

when

the power goes out, i feel

my way

to the kitchen

to find

the matches and the candle.

the flashlight

is hopelessly

lost, somewhere in a drawer.

i set the candle

in a plate

and light the wick.

there's enough wobbly brightness

to get around

the room

then up the stairs.

the dog follows, unbothered

by it all.

but it worries me.

what about the ice box

full of food,

the clocks,

the computer, the tv.

what is there left to do?

i can hardly

read a book,

or write,

i could never be a pioneer.