if only i'd been...

if only i'd been

nicer to him,

given him more love

and affection.

if only i listened more

to him,

if only i was thinner,

and younger,

and happier,

if only

i'd wore that dress,

those shoes,

if only i was blonde,

if only my legs were longer,

my eyes were blue,

if i had more money.

if only.

if only i hadn't lied

to him,

betrayed him.

if only i was a better

person than what i am,

perhaps then

i would still be with him,

and not

with you.