what the hell is smelt

we're having smelt for dinner,

she says. kicking off her latest

exotic diet

with a bang.

i stare at the phone.

what the hell is smelt, i ask

her, rubbing my nose.

oh, they're small silvery fish

from the north atlantic.

they are really underfished, so

there is no guilt

in eating them.

yes, go on....and, and...

well, you fry them and eat them whole.

head, eyes, tail, etc.

even the bones.

they're very crunchy.

okay, i say hesitantly. and then

after that

we'll have spare ribs

and mashed potatoes?

no. absolutely not.

she sends me a picture 

of a dozen

or so smelts,

lying dead on a plate.

their eyes are enormous.

three stalks of asparagus,

holding each other fearfully

are bundled together

next to them.

we're almost out of tofu,

she says,

and soy milk,

so if you'd be a prince

and pick that up for me

i'd be very happy.

dinner's at six so don't

be late and don't stop at five

guys on the way home.