prosperity preacher

i get caught

up

in watching the prosperity

healing

preacher

on tv.

it's late at night

and it's a rerun, a best

of program

where

he heals

thirty-seven people

in thirty-seven

minutes.

at the end of the show

i dial

in and ask

for the healing menu.

inquiring

what each

ailment costs in order

to be free of it.

there's a coupon for

the Jimmy Leg,

and another one for

stuffy

sinuses.

i put my hand on the tv

after sending

in one hundred and 

ninety-nine dollars charged

to my Visa card,

but i'm still waiting

for something to happen.

unfortunately

there's no refunds, but they

did send

me a nice coffee mug

with a picture

of Jesus on it and a giant

dollar bill.