the nudist camp vacation

i regret our

decision on taking a vacation

at the nudist

camp

in Palm Springs. it was her

idea, not mine.

we spent two months

at the gym

getting ready,

running, lifting weights,

watching what we

ate and drank.

we quit smoking

and put cucumbers

on our eyes.

every morning we 

did push ups and sit ups,

sweated in the sauna

before taking the cold plunge.

we sunbathed naked

in our secluded backyard.

finally, after close

inspection in the long

bedroom mirror,

we both agreed that we

we were ready to walk

around with no clothes on.

but when we got there

no one else did what we had

done.

everyone was pasty white

and flabby,

fat and sagging in all

the wrong places,

with hairy under arms.

you could see where the sun

had stopped

and started on

their sockless legs

and shirtless arms.

they were smoking and over

eating, drinking.

anyone that lived in a double wide

and shopped daily
at Wal-Mart

was there.

it was horrifying,

i can't unsee what entered

into my eyes.

next year we're going to

Paris or London,

but with clothes on this time.