Tuesday, August 23, 2016

not a good kisser

we were not good kissers.
our teeth managed
to bang against one another
when the heat
was on. i can still
taste the warm
blood on my lips.
her braces didn't help
either.
she had to watch what she
ate.
no chili, or stews for
her.
i would turn my head away
when she bit into
an ear of corn,
for fear of getting hit
in the eye by a kernel,
or one of her little rubber
bands, torn loose
and sent flying.
we were not good kissers,
so we eventually
stopped doing that,
and concentrated
on other things.

selfish me

i stopped lending things.
I've become
selfish
with age.
too many books I've
loved
have not returned.
please,
order your own dessert,
i'll say.
or no, you can't have
a bite of this or that
from my plate,
eat your own
misgivings.
i crave
the quiet, the softly
lit room,
the dusty book,
the tv on low,
a black and white
movie. the whole sofa,
not an edge,
or just
one pillow.

once gone

the less I hear
from you,
the more I want to hear
from you.
your absence
is large.
you are in every room.
in every
conversation
that isn't about you.
somehow
you've stayed
once gone.

in detail

I remember
other things. the smaller
things.
things said,
or left unsaid.
the bread
gone stale on the table,
the open
wine, left
warm.
I remember you staring
off into
the distance.
somehow without me,
despite
me being across the table.
a portent
of things to come.
I remember,
the waiter, how unhappy
he seemed.
distracted by his own
life perhaps,
giving me your plate,
mine to you.
how long it took to go
once done.
I remember how easy the sun
slipped between the changing
colors of trees
near the fountain,
thinking how
quickly the seasons arrive
then leave.

Monday, August 22, 2016

what about me

finally she gives
up on reading what you write.
she's done
with it.
too much to devour,
to digest.
to get.
he'll write more tomorrow,
i'll catch up
sooner later,
but it's not the same
when he doesn't write
about me, she says.
it's not as much fun
when it's about other people
and things.
I want to know what he thinks
of me.
what about me.
more about me.
but that ship has sailed.
there is no
me anymore.

the blue bruise

some cuts
appear out of nowhere.
on your hand
or leg.
a bruise too,
unknown until you rub
it's blue
circle, a bump.
sometimes blood.
hard to know,
when it happens, the hurt
the pain,
maybe when you lie
down in bed
tonight and review
the day,
you'll remember what
was said,
who snubbed you,
what nail brushed up
against your leg.

speed it up and say i do

at the wedding, I wanted
to yell out from my pew,
don't do it.
please, stop the madness,
they don't even
love each other,
but I didn't.
if there was no
wedding,
there would be no party
afterwards,
no drinks,
no food, no dancing,
no three tiered cake,
and oh how I love cake,
so I kept my mouth
shut
and bit my tongue.
we all make mistakes,
some more than others.
let the party
begin
before anyone comes
to their senses.

a place once home

maybe it was
the broken pipe, the raw
smell
of something
leaking,
the chain linked
fence,
or the rotted wood,
full of wasps.
maybe it was the back
porch wobbling,
the screen door unclosed.
or the dog
tied to a tree.
or the boy in the window
too old
for bottle,
but holding one
anyway.
maybe it was the dim
lights,
the blinds
half pulled,
the broken window.
the flat roof
where teenagers would
gather
to smoke.
maybe it was all of it,
or some it,
but it reminded you
of a place
once home.

keep your hat on

she liked to keep
her hat on when we made love.
just the hat.
she had
lots of hats.
wide brimmed and floppy,
white and black, some
for spring, mint green,
others for fall,
with splashes of red
and orange
in the band, ribbons
cascading down
the back.
I never asked her about
the hats.
they were a nice touch,
why question
anything when things
are going so
well.

no justice

the cop wrote
the ticket out wrong, so I gave
it a shot
in traffic court.
I made a right
not a left.
it was raining, I was two
minutes past
the sign that read
no turn after three.
so I went to court in a tight
fitting shirt and tie,
with my erroneous ticket,
practicing all
night and day
in front of the mirror,
stating my defense,
doing my best f. lee bailey.
the judge would have none
of it when finally my turn
at four in the afternoon,
came up.
the cop
made a mistake,
he said, banging his
gavel
at my dismay. he meant to write
right, not left.
pay the fine, but no points.
to which I replied from
back of the courtroom.
thanks a lot. shaking my head
at the injustice of the system.
is that sarcasm?
he shouted at me, to which
I said, meekly.
no your honor.

i like those hats

you like the pope.
his hats,
his gowns,
his little car made of
bullet proof glass,
the way crowds
adore him,
and cry in his presence,
hanging on
every word
and wave of his hand.
it's not a bad
gig
being the pope, but
only part time.
it might be nice having
a part time job
besides that.
maybe in retail,
or as a waiter,
getting out and seeing
how people
really are.

let's get together

you don't return his
call right away,
so when
finally you find the time,
to ring him
up, he doesn't answer.
he takes his
turn at not returning
your call.
this goes
on for a few years until
you run into each
other at the grocery store,
and you both
say together,
I've trying to reach
you, we should
have lunch or dinner
one night and catch up,
but you never
do.

unlearning

part of life
is unlearning what you've
been taught
at an early age,
stripping clean
what your parents told
you again and again
what to do.
how to live,
how to think.
as your son will
in time, do
to you.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

bad boys

the neighborhood had
bad boys.
bad boys who got decent grades,
and played
sports,
but were bored with being good.
so they cursed,
they peeped
into windows, or stole
hubcaps,
they lifted sodas
from the store, stuffing
comics
into their pants.
they knew somehow of jokes,
mostly about sex.
on occasion one would have
a playboy magazine
to share with
the other boys in a stairwell
away from parents.
but being
the good catholic boy that
you were,
you stood back
and watched.
listened. you believed in
sin,
no sin less than another,
still do, which makes
life difficult.

lately

while writing checks
on bill night,
sunday night.
ink pen, envelopes,
check books,
receipts and stamps,
a bloody mary with a stalk
of celery
snug against the ice
in hand,
I consider online
banking.
but no.
I prefer to make
my own
mistakes.
I even consider
removing all the cash
out from under
my mattress
and putting it somewhere
safer,
but no place comes
to mind, lately.

too much

too generous with praise,
I see
right through it.
I fold my
arms together, crossing
my chest.
protecting my heart.
I know a lie
when I smell one,
and the closer you get,
the more I sneeze
and sniffle, I know
what's up
your sleeveless
dress, your batting
lashes, your
luscious red lips.
there's more, much
more behind all
of this.

we are moth

why go
to mars, why send
a drink
over to the most beautiful
woman in the bar,
why
buy a lottery ticket
a hundreds worth
despite the odds.
because.
as men,
we are innately fools
for risk
and danger, and
often fall into the habit
of making
bad decisions.
we are moth.
you are flame.

enough

sometimes all it takes
is a slice
of warm bread,
butter, a knife with
blueberry jam
against the blade.
coffee,
and a breeze.
the quiet of early morning.
just gulls
floating lazy in the sky.
the ocean can be there
too,
across the still
cool sand,
the sun, just barely
up enough
to make it hot again.
that's enough
to sweeten
the summer
and make it memorable.

i like it, but

everyone
has a book inside them. a story to tell.
so they write
and write.
they take a creative writing
course down
at the local
community college.
they hand in pages of their
tale,
the other students
chew it up, spit it out.
we like it, they say,
but it needs more work.
it needs
to go somewhere.
it's boring.
I don't care about these people,
these characters
in your story.
show don't tell.
then at the mid way point
of the class
everyone goes outside to smoke
cigarettes
and make awkward
conversation about nothing
in particular. after ten
minutes out in the cold,
they rub the lit butts
of their cigarettes
out under their
shoes, then go back in for more.

close your eyes

once, many years ago,
i was on a job interview
where
I was asked to close
my eyes
and think about where I wanted
to be in five
years.
I needed the job, so I
closed my eyes, I leaned
back.
I thought about how I didn't
want to be here,
in this office,
with this person across
the desk,
studying my resume.
I wanted to be on a beach
somewhere warm,
with white sand,
blue water,
a beautiful woman beside me.
he waited, and waited.
I fell asleep,
a smile etched across my lips.
saved again from being
where id didn't want to be.

it happens

it happens,
you wake up and wonder,
where am I
who is this person beside
me,
wearing a prairie dress,
sleeping.
your wallet in her hands.
a dog at the end of the bed,
scratching, licking.
children
running
around in the hallway
with matches
and magic markers.
how did I get here,
how do I get out.

Friday, August 19, 2016

the bad children

other people's children
are so bad.
so sticky
and unruly.
they bob about saying
things
with high pitched voices.
the burn of blue
eyes
staring at you
with guilt and suspicion,
yes, you old man.
they are a fingernail,
bitten down,
away from
doing something
wrong.
touching, gnashing,
mean
spirited already
before the world
has even sunk
its teeth into them.
these children, not yours,
of course,
but other people's,
they need to
stay inside,
away. from us.
lay down a road
of candy and video games
and steer them inside.

the weight

what a crazy thing
the crying jag
is.
to spontaneously burst
out into tears,
sobbing,
clutching a wall,
or someone
to hold onto, to keep
from falling over
with grief and sorrow.
who hasn't been there,
been to those holy
grounds
that sorrow is,
or won't be
there in time.
and when you're done,
done for awhile,
exhausted you sit
and stare
at anything, trying
to find one thing that
doesn't remind you of
her,
anything that won't
start you up again,
folded under the dark
weight of
tears.

they say

they say
we lose parts of us,
the skin,
the hair,
the essence of our
life,
each breath
one less to be taken.
our cells
evaporating,
our memory going soft
and vague
inside the folds
of grey.
they say
a lot of things like this
to scare us.
to make
us tremble about
old age
and death.
to hell with them.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

somewhere in st. louis

somewhere in st. louis
she's sleeping or walking,
or getting hit by a car.
she might be
in her house, at the table
writing
a poem that she might send
me one day.
somewhere in st. louis
she's dealing with an ex husband,
her daughter,
her work.
old boyfriends, and new ones.
somewhere in st. louis
she gets tired and lies
down, stretching her long
legs out,
staring at the water stain
in the ceiling
that the workers could never
quite fix.

the great poets

poetry pains me at times.
trying to read
any of the adored greats.
it's puzzling, their words,
their long winded
ways of saying but not saying
clearly enough
what they really
want to say. it
makes me weary and dismissive,
but I plug on,
hoping one day to get it.
to be smart enough
to understand
and then applaud humbly,
their confirmed
greatness. but not yet.

write down that number

you see things
on tv that never interested
you before,
but now
you take notes
on the swinging bathtub
door,
the cream to relieve
crepe skin.
a machine to ease your breathing
when you snore.
a little blue pill
to keep you amorous.
there is a place
where they will take care of
you in
florida, it's near the water,
a nice
round pond,
with a walking path
and flamingos.
there are ramps
everywhere
and
everyone who works is dressed
in white clothes
and are smiling.

these tacos stink

it's the worst
taco, you've ever half eaten.
a hard shell, stale,
a load of shredded
ice berg lettuce,
unseasoned
boiled chicken and canned dice
tomatoes.
no hot sauce, no cheese,
no sour cream,
no guacamole.
but the music plays on.
the weak
drinks, edged with salt
get made. they greet you at the door
with hugs,
long hand shakes
with both hands,
tipping their sombreros,
laughing
with gold teeth.
the walls are painted
orange and festive,
the place is crowded,
and yet,
the tacos stink.

your numbers

we feel it necessary
to apply
numbers.
age, weight, height
date of birth,
of death.
the address where you live,
which child were
you.
how many times
have you been in love,
been divorced,
how many years have you
been alone,
or at this job.
the headstone
collects it all neatly.
a bookend
of sorts.
with all read and written
just below
the cover of
turned earth.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

the bell rings

how hard
to chase the dollar.
to make
ends meet.
to secure payment on
everything.
how long the day is
doing what
must be done,
hanging onto
that subway strap
and seeing
the flickering
world pass
by, along with years.
how different you
expected
life to be.
the bell rings.
it's your stop. only
thirty more
years to go.

in short

she found nothing
funny.
not a single laugh eeked
from her
mouth,
tight lipped
and scrunched as if a lemon
had just
been sucked dry
of all it's bitter
juices.
you used your best material
on her.
your imagination ran
wild with
new hilarious
observations. still nothing.
she might
give in a little and say,
quietly.
that's funny, but never
a laugh, never
a tear running down her
face with surprise,
never bending over and telling
you to stop. you're killing me.
the sex was bad too.

milk carton photo

you see yourself when you
were ten
on the side of a milk carton
as you pour
milk onto your shredded wheat.
your dog is in
the photo too.
that striped polo shirt
you used to wear.
you're licking an ice
cream cone. you look
blissfully happy.
it's an old picture,
one that your mother used
to have on the mantle
next to all your brothers
and sisters.
you guess it's time you
mend things
and give her a call.

happy feet

two left
feet keeps you off the dance
floor.
but you can
keep a beat
with your spoon
tapping it against the table
as the music
plays
and girls and dandies
dance across
the ballroom floor.
you're a closet
dancer these days.
spinning in the kitchen,
or the shower,
dipping,
gyrating to a song
playing
in your head,
or coming through the walls
from next door.

for the better

the neighborhood
has changed.
there was a shooting just
the other day.
a few cars
broken into,
robberies and mayhem.
someone set
the mailbox on fire.
a dog was stolen,
a car,
a bike,
you're almost afraid
to go out
at night. the neighborhood
has changed.
but for the better.
no one
asks you where you're
going, or
when you're coming home,
or what you're
doing with your life.

Monday, August 15, 2016

the blue crab blues

you've almost made it
through the summer without having
to pick and eat
crabs for seven hours
at a picnic table.
a table covered in newspapers
that no one reads
anymore, with
puddles of plastic
cups filled
with butter, vinegar
and the tools.
mallets and pliers, forks
and knives spread out
for any hand that reaches
for them.
tools to dig out the tiny
morsels of white meat,
if any
hidden between the crusty
sharp shells that bite
and make your fingers bleed.
you haven't had to drink
the beer and swat at the flies
while some one orders
hush puppies because
they're starving.
you've been lucky this summer.


the thick book

this book
won't read itself.
it sits there.
a cup
today on top of its
cover.
tomorrow a plate,
or mug,
or something else.
how hard it is to pick
it up
and begin
to read
the first page.
soon, one day,
soon
you say as your
feet rise up
to rest upon it.

the early army

you knew
early in life that you
would have
trouble with authority.
who were these people
bossing you around
in the cub scouts, making
you tie knots, forcing you to
study frogs,
to rub sticks together,
making a fire.
you felt constricted
in those dark
blue uniforms
with yellow bandanas,
hats.
testing your mettle
at such an early age.
what kind of tree
is that.
name those flowers.
point to me where
the north star is.
never again would you allow
such a thing to
happen
you said to yourself,
making a vow
at the age of seven.

in the pink

she wants a pink
wall.
she gets a pink wall.
with money
you get what you want
no matter
how crazy the idea
might be.
I give her month,
and she'll be calling
me back
for blue, worn
out under the glow
of pink.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

sunday night laundry

at the iron,
in the basement. a single
light swinging
from the rafters.
the washing machine
churning.
sunday night.
the cold floor under
your bare feet.
a basket of white
and blue
shirts,
awaiting to be pressed.
you think of
your mother on nights like
this.
how peaceful she
was to iron,
to steam
and spray starch
along a sleeve or collar,
smoothing out the wrinkles,
then placing them onto a hanger,
how still her world was
with us in bed, not quite
asleep,
her radio on low,
Sinatra,
the platters.
nat king cole.

being alone

come here, stand
by the light, by the window.
let me see
the lines in your face,
the worry or fear
of dying alone
etched in the corners
of your eyes.
let me brush back
those strands of grey hair,
let me see how your lips
are parched
and parted unkissed
for so many years,
let me touch
your hands, veined
blue
and raw from washing
so many plates
at the sink,
alone.

this day

you feel
as if this day has you
in mind.
the way the lights
are all green,
the way
the sun climbs
behind a cloud.
the way the room
gets quiet
and the drinks
stay cold.
you feel as if this
day
is one you'd like
to bottle
and keep near,
keep close for when
the world goes loud,
the air
gets cold.

closeness

I need more room,
she says, you're crowding me,
I need my
own space.
I can hardly breathe,
you're suffocating me.
what are you talking about,
you ask her,
putting your arm
into the same sleeve,
your foot into her shoe.
this is what love is.

hit the road jack

what's worse than a cold
cup of weak
coffee,
or a baby crying,
or being stuck in traffic,
maybe a kiss
on the cheek, or a pat
on the back.
or a text saying no.
we're done.
hit the road, jack.
or maybe
the scratch on a record,
skipping
for eternity
making you get up
to drop the needle
a line or two
down the disc. just
little things
to remind you
that Monday is right
around the bend.


closed forever

you press your hands
to the window
cupping your eyes.
chairs are on the table.
bar stools gone.
the lettering outside
has been removed.
your old haunt
is dead.
gone, closed forever.
not a soul inside.
how many songs did you
sing there,
how many
drinks did you sink
into your body.
bad food.
how many new loves
did you chase in that
smoky dark
alley? not enough,
you think as you look
up into the sky
at the stars
with the earth below,
still turning.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

the car singer

you are amazed at how
you know the lyrics to nearly
every song ever written,
ever played on the radio
from 1960 to 1970,
so when judy's turn to cry
starts playing
you join in.
you are in the music chamber
of your car,
the volume up.
you are in good form
while using
your high pitched girl voice,
singing
along, note for note,
with Lesley Gore.
sometimes people look
over at you
while you make hand gestures
emphasizing the lyrics,
but you don't care,
you are a professional
car singer,
and the show must go on.

it's a living

do you have jumper
cables
the man asks as you pull
into a 7 11.
his hood is up,
he's sweating.
he has a wrench in his hand
and three kids
in the car.
a dog too.
it's hot out.
but no, you don't have
any jumper cables.
can you give me five dollars
then, he
asks,
just to have a truck come
to jump me.
the kids, all with saucer
eyes,
brown as coffee,
the woman in the front seat
reading from
a magazine. the dog
near death, panting,
his mangy head
out the window.
you give him the money
then go into the store.
by the time you come out,
he's driven away.

the glass doors

will the doors look
like glass, she asks,
as you brush a coat of white
paint onto
the wooden panels.
I want them shiny
and smooth, you know,
like glass.
of course not.
only glass is glass,
but you don't say that,
instead you say, yes.
the doors will
look like glass.
in fact, at the end
of every rainbow
is a pot of gold.
throw a coin
into a fountain,
find a falling star,
make a wish, all of your
dreams will
come true if you truly
believe. yes, my dear.
the doors will
look like glass
and tomorrow you'll
be a child again
before you began to think
this way.

trinkets

trinkets
in the box. porcelain
elephants
rings,
and watches.
swept up.
things
that meant so much
for so
long
at one time,
now in a box,
about to be lost
forever,
the tenant gone,
everything is
tossed.

the boat trip

the small boat
bounces against the waves,
people are green.
it's a pretty day
from shore,
the sails, the white gulls,
the soft brown sand
that lies
beyond
the blue cove of water.
the small boat
sloshes
against the current,
rises and falls.
the captain
stares straight ahead
to the harbor, steeled eyes,
hands on the wheel,
the people are green.

the nanny

the nanny
tells you right away
that she has a masters degree
in physics,
and that she is just watching
these three
kids for the summer
to make ends meet.
the children, all under
six,
are gooey and loud
at the table.
noses run, cereal is on
their chins while
their small pink hands
slap at spilled puddles
of milk.
they pound in unison
their plates,
their faces red with
exhaustion despite it being
only nine a.m.,
the real parents, long
gone, are just a text away,
the zoo is planned.
school starts in two weeks,
she says,
tying a pair of shoes
on one child,
then i'm done with this.
do you have kids?

what's playing

it's going to be a hot
day, she says, swatting a fly
with her
slipper, missing.
I can feel the heat already,
don't you.
it's summer, I say to her.
it's still august,
we have a long ways to go.
she lifts her hair
up with her hands,
stacking the curls on top
of her head.
fanning herself
with the slipper still in her
hand.
maybe we can go to the pool
today.
but it seems too hot even for
that, or to a movie.
buy a tall drink
and sit in the cool shade
of air conditioning.
what's playing?
who cares, we can sit in the back
row and hold hands,
put our feet up
and let the hot day go by without
us in it.

pieces missing

who doesn't have a piece
missing.
live long enough
and they take things out
of you,
replace things,
stitch you back together.
live long enough
and the cookie that you
are begins
to crumble
in the milky cup of life.

to what end?

when the can
of radio wires circled
the earth
emitting a constant
beep
we covered our
heads, sweated, peered
upward into the sky,
gnashing our
teeth.
it was the beginning of
the end.
the red scare
would soon be in our
homes,
be everywhere.
soon, you were learning
how to crouch beneath
your wooden
desk to protect you
from the atomic bomb,
you were released from school
and told, under
the sirens wail
to run straight home.
to what end?

Friday, August 12, 2016

tomorrow comes soon

he's been drinking.
I can tell.
the way he keeps telling me
that he loves me.
that he thinks the world of me.
his favorite line
to say
when calling and drinking.
I can almost see tears of friendship
in his eyes
as he goes on
in some southern way,
the drawl coming out, the country
voice
of home cooking and fields,
horses,
livestock that he knew
as a child.
his rusted cars on blocks
in a driveway.
I love you, he says. you're
good to me.
i'd do anything for you,
my brother.
you let him roll on, listening
to the gurgle of beer
going down,
the sound of another cap
being popped open and tossed.
you listen,
listen to him talk about women,
how much he
needs one good woman
to make his life right,
to get him back on the right path.
you listen
and listen, hardly saying
a word until he wears himself
out,
then says, he has to go.
then one more time.
I love you.
get some rest, I tell him.
tomorrow comes soon.

book burning

who reads anymore.
I can't remember the last book
of fiction that I bought.
perhaps the world
according to garp,
or was it
the da vinci code.
someone gave me a copy
of 50 shades of grey,
then the next,
then another.
they sit on the shelf
against tom wolfe,
and twain,
upkike cheever and salinger.
it's hard to throw
a book out.
any book, no matter how poorly
written.

twenty nine dollars per night

a visit once
to little creek
near a naval base found us
in a one story motel
near a bar
that had on its sign,
Thursday, liver and onions night.
it was only
for two nights
that we were staying, bringing
our son to see
his grandfather
for the first time.
the drapes were thin, as was
the carpet,
commercial grade and smelling
of cleaning fluids.
a tv that may or may
not have worked
was chained to the wall,
teetering
on a bureau with missing
handles.
one bed was against the wall.
covered in a loose bedspread
the color of salmon
with starfish
embroidered in.
to the right of the bed,
perhaps where a man would
sleep was a coin machine
that took quarters.
this made the bed vibrate.
we put a quarter in,
just to see,
then checked out.

heading west

there was a time when it
was not unusual to hitchhike
across country,
or to a place just a few
miles down the road.
spare change or a few dollars
for shared gas.
it was a new world,
though mostly false,
a mirage,
a world of free
love and long hair,
underneath the giving
and open souls was the same
darkness that overtakes
so many
that walk the earth.
we'd stand at the side
of the road, thumbs out,
hair to our shoulders,
our sleeping bags
and small supplies rolled
beneath our skinny arms.
we were too young to know
much about the world.
we believed in the music,
the day glow art,
the spirited clichés
of that time,
the dancing, the beautiful
women who suddenly
appeared before you,
as if magic.

coin collectors

your brother and you
both had blue books with slots
for coins.
quarters, dimes, pennies.
the years
printed below the opening
waiting
for a mercury dime, or buffalo
nickel.
the kennedy dollar, shiny
and new was easy to find.
in time you both
filled the books
with a collection of coins.
he still has his,
the money untouched
while yours was slowly
emptied by the ringing bell
of an approaching
ice cream truck.

swing girls

her club, her group, her gaggle
of girls
were in a cult
of swing dancers.
there was something different
in their eyes,
a joy and enthusiasm
now found,
once escaped from the clutches
of marriage.
the kids gone,
the house nearly paid for.
no one to ask
where, or why.
weekends were for dancing,
although the men she found there
were odd, the girls
had fun,
how the shoes would kick
against the ballroom floors,
how the dresses
would fly.

fashion

your fashion sense
has not changed for nearly thirty
years.
khaki shorts,
a t shirt,
tennis shoes
and a ball cap.
it's the uniform you will
march into
old age with.
what are the options,
a seer sucker suit,
baby blue?

the shady tree

your father
could lean under the hood
of his car
all afternoon,
drinking beer,
holding wrenches,
smoking.
what he did under there,
you have no idea,
but it seemed
to draw other men
beneath the shady
tree where
he parked his car.
together they would stare
into the motor,
talking and laughing
with one another.
from the windows or
porches the women
would
hold their children
back,
and shake their heads,
not asking
questions
but happy to know where
their husbands
might be.

jumping off a roof

not all doors
open
when one closes.
sometimes
you have to go through
a window,
or take
a hammer and bang a
hole into a wall
to crawl out.
sometimes jumping off
a roof
is the only
option, hoping to
jump into the open
arms
of new love.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

chicken to die for

they travel
a lot. all over the world.
if they're not leaving,
they're coming back.
their passports are stamped
on nearly every page.
their luggage too,
with stickers of everywhere
they've been,
from London, to Paris,
to Katmandu.
they ask you if you've
ever been on a safari,
or surfed the Australian
coast.
what about Istanbul, his
wife says,
you must go there sometime,
or china, china
was just delightful this
trip around.
you say no.
but I do have a trip planned
soon.
three days in ocean
city. the fried chicken
on the boardwalk
is to die for.

they won't get in

you don't know why, but
some people rub you the wrong way.
it's a feeling,
nothing they've said
or done, yet,
just a feeling
and that's enough to keep
them at arms length,
to not engage
too deeply in conversation,
or ask them how
they're doing.
they don't always feel it too
though,
try to win you over.
this is when the dark side
of you takes
over, and you walk away.
they won't get in.

hands on

i still get the paper,
pick it up
off the porch and unfold
it as i
have my morning coffee.
from page one to the last
page,
I turn and skim,
read what interests me,
then i do
the bills,
taking out the paper work,
spreading it all across
the table,
the check book,
the envelopes and stamps.
an ink pen.
i like things in my hand.
to hold what
i have,
to read, to write.
to touch.
it's the same with you,
I need you here, not on the phone,
on the screen,
cold and distant
in pixel technicolor,
out of reach.

until we left

how it rained those nights
in mexico, the sea
below our balcony, the wind
pushing water
into our room.
you could see the storm
over the glassy
cove, mountains in the hills
painted blue.
how we watched from the bed,
eating, drinking,
making love.
waiting for the rain to end.
four days and nights,
it never stopped. no sun,
no light.
just the rain, and us in bed,
waiting.
we could have been anywhere,
but we were in mexico.
and in two years she would
be dead, and I would thinking
about this trip we took.
where the rain never stopped
until we left.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

something is about to happen

you need to stop now,
she tells
me.
put the pen down,
stop staring out the window
and waiting
for something to happen.
I look at her
in the doorway.
she's wearing
a coat,
and gloves, her walking
shoes are on.
let's go for a walk she
says. it's cold out,
find your coat.
but there are these
blackbirds on the wire,
I tell her.
tapping my pen against the blank
white sheet of paper.
that haven't moved
in over an hour. I think
something is about
to happen.

do you know betty

the gypsy
takes your hand and opens it
on the table.
the lights are dim
in the fabric draped room.
she's dark
and olive skinned,
green cat
eyes, her black hair
busheled
around her shoulders.
she nods, she says hmmm.
she says,
interesting. she moves
her finger lightly
across the creviced
lines
of your palm. then
she looks up at you,
suddenly, as if surprised.
do you know someone
named betty, she says.

the moscow mule

after two sips
of the Moscow mule,
the ice rattling in the cold
metal cup,
you lean on your elbow
and look across
the bar
to a woman half your
age. she's suddenly
beautiful.
after another gulp
you swear
she just winked at you.
you order another from
the bartender,
finishing
the first one.
you wonder what magic
will happen now,
if a time machine
will appear,
allowing you to go there.

say what

you wish you had an
interpreter to accompany
you wherever you go,
translating
the voices around you
into your version
of English.
you wish there were
subtitles
in yellow, like at the bottom
of a foreign movie,
perhaps a bubble or
balloon floating above
one's head
telling exactly what
is being said.
hardly a day goes by without
misunderstanding
someone, or you being
misunderstood.
it makes life harder
than it should be,
you think, as you
nod at the waiter,
saying yes,
to whatever it is that
he just said.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

a few good friends

I have a marble
that
was first won in a game
of marbles
when I was twelve.
shot out cleanly fron
the dirt circle
beyond our house.
one side
is flat, the top
egg shaped
with a sliver of a
green cat's eye floating
hard within.
there was no intent to save
it. it held
no special value.
but there it is in the change
bowl after
all these decades
having never found a way
to be lost.
not unlike a few
good friends.

the orange cat

all day
the orange striped cat,
wants in,
then out.
she makes you stop
your work.
her loud cry is learned.
after five
or six times
though of her pawing
at the door with her
scratchy voice,
you grow weary
of the game,
no longer bending
to her
wishes. you
let her stay out.
you
turn the music up, ignore
her.
kindness
and compassion having
limits.

from start to finish

no one
puts a gold medal
around
your neck at the end
of the week
or month for work
well done.
there is no anthem
played,
no applause.
you just get up and do
it all over
again.
this is how the world
goes
round.
not seeking glory
or fame,
just love and peace,
food
and shelter,
no time to play
in games.

Monday, August 8, 2016

what day is it

as a child
you never visited your mother
at St. Elizabeth's.
her short stint after a seventh
child
sent her whirling.
they asked her questions
like who
the president was,
what was it?
you never saw
the tiled walls,
the murky corridors,
forever long the green
paint
everywhere.
but you remember walking
by years later,
when it was still home
for the lost,
and seeing the souls
in striped clothes, and robes
wandering
the wide pastures
behind the iron bars
in Washington.
you remember thinking how
close we are to
either side of madness.

extra crunchy

peanut butter
has saved your life
more than once
from starvation.
what else in the world
can say that.
rescuing a human life
from
fainting and falling,
having to crawl
to the phone
to order pizza.
how you praise the jar
of extra crunchy
on two slices
of wonder bread
with jam.

safety pin

a button breaks
on your pants
making them slip
off your hips
and sag below your
waist. she laughs
while you hold them up
with one hand.
she offers you a safety
pin,
which you reluctantly
agree to.
i'm a nurse, she says,
don't worry,
I know how to handle
sharp objects
up against skin.
carefully she inserts
the pointed end into
the fabric
and pushes it closed.
there you are, she says,
patting you on the back,
now off you go.

the orange chair

I like your orange chair
she says.
is there room enough
for two. it looks comfy
and bright.
I tell her no.
it's not a chair for
sitting.
it's a chair
to be seen, not used.
so, stay off it.
especially
if your hands are dirty,
or you're wearing
muddied shoes.
come sit by
me instead,
and we can stare at
it together
and ponder
other things to do.

with school out

how little you know
about so much.
the ice berg
of knowledge
unseen below the surface.
your ignorance
is impressive, deep,
and cold
untouched until
something catches your
interest.
school is out.
it's been out for a long
time.
so lessons are harder,
come slower,
if at all.
but you try.
one book, one google
at a time.


Sunday, August 7, 2016

the wedding stabbing

the incident was on the news.
the caterer
has stabbed
the groom.
the cake was not right,
the bride asked for five
tiers
not two.
the shrimp were
undercooked,
but there was dancing
before the stabbing,
and music,
an open bar,
and a river view.
relatives came from as far
away as
Philadelphia
in their long white cars.
even the flowers
were wrong though,
despite being plentiful.
who knew the bride
was allergic
to daffodils.
the white dress was off
white,
not snow white,
not like the first dress
of her three marriages.
when he heals, her lawyer
husband,
will begin, under the bride's
advisement on
how to sue.

blue ink

ashamed of her tattoos
now at the age of fifty,
the butterfly
below,
the heart
on her breast,
the lightning bolt
behind her ear.
others too, decorating
her arms, vines and snakes,
a dagger on her calf,
she hides them all
as best she can
beneath her clothes,
the smock she wears
at the grocery
store,
the grey in her hair,
showing what
has become of
youth.

not enough

it's all most
men
need. the machinery
of work,
a place
to put muscle
and brain
to use, to pay for
all that
gives comfort
in this world, enough
to win the girl,
to make
new life. shelter
and food,
it's that simple
when young,
but then a day arrives
when
it's not enough.
the darkness
of the factory,
the oil and grease of
time
takes hold,
and the wonder is less
about
what has been won,
and more about what
has happened
to one's soul.

the water tower

you have no
geographical instincts.
but you
try just to same to find
your way
from point a to point b,
without
the gps
or phone or map.
your heart says go left,
but your
brain says right.
sometimes you roll down
the window
to ask strangers,
where am I,
not physically, but
in a more existential way.
who am I,
you might ask too,
but this gets not response,
and they answer
by saying.
you're lost, aren't you?
or they say,
do you know where the water
tower is?

the other world

a wave
approaches,
bottled green
in the sunlight.
a translucent roll,
rising.
you bend and duck
to accept the cold
wash
of ocean over your head
and back
chilling you
to the bone.
there was a time
when the beach was all
of you thought of
when summer came.
now three days
and nights are plenty
to satisfy
your need
to get away, and dive
in to this
other world.

black coffee

not unlike
a blood sucking vampire
you need
coffee,
strong coffee.
hardly a day goes by
when your eyes
and mind don't
wander
towards a coffee shop
you pass by.
the question now,
is do you have
five dollars
in cash
on hand, or more
if you go crazy and get
that
morning bun
and paper.
the sun has risen.
it's time.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

to an end

a certain wind
curls around your wrist
as you sit,
on a porch.
the warm air
reminds you of other summers.
ice tea.
a dog stretched
out in a puddle of shade
beneath
a dying tree.
your mother at the screen
door,
holding another
baby
in her arms,
looking out
to the street waiting
for your father
to finally come home.
it's a sweet blow
of air.
you're twelve or thirteen.
your shoes
worn,
the summer coming to
an end.
as other things are too.

fusion food

the word fusion
scares you
when it comes to food.
Cuban
with Chinese,
thai with
Italian.
leave it alone.
don't put
quail's eggs
on my rice ball.
I want my spaghetti
with sausage,
not eel,
or sea weed.
keep my steak
and potatoes pure,
don't let
those octopus
legs
show up on the plate,
stuck too
my green beans.

hot yoga class

you sign up for a hot yoga
class
in the city for no other reason
than
to lose weight and get
in better shape.
it has nothing to do
with thirty or forty
women in yoga
pants
standing on their heads.
you buy a blue mat,
because, well
you are a boy.
you bring a bottle of water,
and a note from your doctor.
you find a spot in the back
of the class, stretch out
your mat
and roll your arms around
in the air to get ready.
you touch your knees,
then shake your legs out.
a piece of paper is stuck
to one sneaker, so you get rid
of that quickly.
you want to take
it slow and observe,
see how it goes.
already you're sweating.
you can't understand
why there are no
fans blowing, no ac,
no windows open.
why hasn't someone put out
a bucket of ice,
or a cooler of beer.
it's hot as hell in here.
thank god you have a head
band on,
and wrist bands
and thoughtfully wore
gym shorts that still fit
from high school, although
a little snug in places.

left turn

with the power line
down
the cops come,
the utility trucks arrive,
detour signs appear.
a crowd
gathers to see
the long thick wire
on the ground.
the truck that hit the pole
steaming
from the hood.
there is nothing to do,
but wait.
people sit on the grass,
their homes
too hot now
to go back in, the power
out.
you should have gone
the other way,
made a left turn
instead of a right.
but life
is like that.

happy hour

an angry man
with a full dark beard
yells
at you.
mistaking you for someone
he hates.
what? you say, me?
touching your chest.
me?
yes, you, he says.
I better not see you in
here again,
or it's over.
what? me?
you say again, sipping
your drink.
and looking for a way
out.
finally he puts on
his glasses
to read the menu
and looks over at you.
oops, he says.
you're not him, sorry.
relieved, you order
another drink,
but see your ex girlfriend
across the bar
with a gaggle of her friends.
she points at you
and angrily says something
that you can't hear.
her friends all look at you
with daggers in
their eyes.
me? you say?
what?

but what?

tired
of working. of punching
the clock
and pounding
the pavement with your
old brown
shoes, catching the bus
in,
sitting at a desk,
digging
coal out of a paper
mountain,
you decide to quit.
to invent something
original,
something the world
needs.
something people can't
live without
once they've used it.
but what?

Friday, August 5, 2016

ravish me, she whispers

how dangerous it is
to purchase an entire cheesecake
when living alone.
the siren call
of its sweetness
whispers all night into
your good ear.
you toss and turn, trying
to ignore her.
i'm here she says,
right here on the shelf
below
the milk.
between the butter
and dried cranberries
that you'll never eat.
come
and taste me, slice me,
or not,
just bring the tin to bed
with you,
a single fork,
and have your way
until the last crumb
is on your chin,
your lips, your belly full.

night shift

persuaded by
the sun that has shyly
slipped
between
the covers of silk
clouds, you too
find comfort in lying
down
to rest.
putting the day behind
you,
letting the night
shift take over,
letting the stars and moon
come out and do
what they do best.

peaches

the sweet fruit fools
you.
luscious and dripping
down your chin,
the peach
is soft and smooth
in your hand.
what is summer for if
not for peaches.
you think summer will
never end.
peaches will always
be at hand.
love is around the corner.
the sweet fruit
fools you.

let''s not talk today

let's not talk today
your wife
tells you at the breakfast table.
we get along
so well when we
are silent,
not discussing
anything of importance.
you nod in agreement. okay,
but can I say,
good morning?
yes, she says, but that's
it, okay?
deal, you say.
buttering your toast,
crunching down
on the whole wheat
with raisons that she picked
out at the store.
she nods. doing a pretend
zipper with her fingers
across her lips.
you nod, then get up
to go to work. you both
wave.
then she says, wait a minute,
you aren't really
going to wear
that shirt to work
today, are you?
I hate that shirt.

it's raining

the weather
girl gets it wrong again.
but no
one seems to mind.
in her red dress her wand
her Doppler
radar
and gps
showing wind or storm.
it doesn't matter.
she has every weather tool
in existence,
everything but a window
to the outside world,
but
she makes the viewer
happy
with her smile, her
je ne sais quoi,
her bounce,
okay,
her legs and other parts
that have
nothing to do
with the barometer,
or wind chill.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

computer errors, we fix

I tell the telemarketer
from 'microsoft' to hold on,
i'm just now taking a chicken
out of the oven.
I put him on speaker phone, then
grab the little paint brush
to baste the chicken. that done
I peel a few small red potatoes
in the sink.
okay. I yell towards the phone,
continue with your call.
I am from Microsoft, he says,
my name is Jackson brown,
and we have received notice
of errors on your computer.
if you have visited
any questionable sites,
you may have infected your computer
with terrible mishappenings.
have you visited such sites?
I give out an audible gulp,
and say, well, maybe.
I mean i'm not in a relationship
right now, and well, after a few
gin and tonics...
there is chatter in the background,
other technicians from Microsoft
I assume. please do not worry,
I am here to help you fix it.
I continue basting the chicken
and look in the fridge for more butter.
I put the peeled potatoes into a pot
of water and turn the burner on.
how am I going through
so much butter lately, I say out loud,
scooping out the last of it.
okay, I say to mister brown.,
where are you, by the way?
I am in florida, st. Petersburg.
oh, I say, talking loudly
because the phone is on the shelf
where I won't drop
it into the sink.
I have a sister that lives in
cocoa beach. how's the weather? hot?
lots of lizards in florida,
I add in.
fine, he says. now, please,
are you in front of your computer?
I want to help you.
sure, I say, go on. i'm ready,
sprinkling some pepper
onto the golden brown bird.
I've got my computer right here
in front of me.
okay, he says, hold the control
key, and the shift key,
then press the letter R,
this will allow me access to
your computer screen and then we can
begin to clean up your errors.
should I make stuffing too,
I ask him.
or is that too much?
cranberry sauce?

the magic act

there is no magic.
not really.
nothing disappears
that easily.
no one gets cut in half
by a saw
and survives. but
there is slight of hand.
trickery
and deception. fast talk
and distraction.
not all them wear
capes
and hats, hold
batons, or say things
like allakazam.
some
wear suits and ties,
have nice offices
and need
a retainer.

looking for a tomato

after years
of passing by the farmers market,
you decide to stop.
you are low
on tomatoes.
two to be exact.
maybe you could buy some
here.
everyone has their own
recyclable burlap
bag, which makes
you feel unworthy,
and sandals. you could swear
that you just
saw someone wearing a poncho.
there is a feeling of left
wing liberalism
in the air.
a slight fog of medical
marijuana
and new Yorker magazines.
it is a gluten free zone.
there are peasant dresses
and men
with glasses on the tips
of their noses,
peering
intently at peaches.
everyone is pleasant
and happy to see so much
fruit and vegetables
on tables,
in bins and baskets.
it is a small Woodstock
without the music and mud,
a grateful dead concert
without jerry, but
in an hour or two it's gone,
not five.

the condo board

you see
the condo board outside
your window.
the brown shirts and hats.
boots.
one member,
holding a clipboard
stares at your house.
writing things down.
they approach
a trash bag set upon
your porch,
hours too early.
another points
at the shrubbery,
the front door
with a new unauthorized lock,
a shutter
which hangs loosely
from a hinge.
they confer in whispers
as you watch, shake
their heads,
assess
your property
then move on to the next.
in a week
you'll get your list,
the warning attached,
the fee, the fine,
the penalty
for not obeying.

self love

our phone
has become our navel.
how we bend
down
to stare
into its buzz and glow.
the soft warm
light of self
indulgence.
it is who
we are.
this device,
this box
of us, and everything
known about us.
in a daze,
we go about,
eyes focused
on who we are, who
we might become,
and each and every thing
contained
within.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

practice killing

four fighter jets
scream by,
they roar
low and loud
over the beach.
it makes everything shake,
even the sand
under our feet
vibrates.
everyone puts down their
book, cranes
their neck to watch.
the children point
with short arms.
it's
practice
killing, in formation.
hardly a few seconds
go by
before they're gone
a puff of white
behind them.
the muscle flexed we
go back to our reading,
the children go back
to building castles
in the sand,
finding shells.


the invention

you come with an invention.
but whisper it only
to a few close friends.
you don't want the world to steal
your idea.
you begin to dream
of a new house,
a sports car.
vacations to the south of france.
maybe rolling down
your window
and dropping change into
the cup
of the man who is on the corner
every day you
drive by.
the good you could do with
this money.
this new found fortune.

guilt

just looking at
the man
you decide that he's guilty,
but the other eleven members
of the jury
don't feel that way.
there's only circumstantial
evidence, but you protest,
he's smiling, just look
at him, you say.
how can anyone be happy
at a time like this.
to me that's a sign
of guilt, all that laughing
and joking around.
it means he's guilty,
perhaps not of this crime,
but something,
so I vote to convict,
throw him in jail
and throw away the key.
no one should be that happy
in this day and age.

hey baby

the women, on dates,
hand in hand
with men,
stop the woman pushing
a stroller.
a new stroller.
the hood pulled down,
a blue blanket
wrapped softly around.
inside
is a pink package
of a sleeping
baby.
a wisp of dark hair
swirled
wet upon his head.
they peek in and swoon,
they shake
with love and joy
wanting to touch
and hold
this new life.
meanwhile the men,
wait, stand back, light
cigarettes,
then as one
stare
at a woman getting out
of a car,
with long legs
and lipstick on.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

small things

how little
things make us happy.
the itch
scratched,
the thirst quenched,
the hunger
satisfied.
a sweet afternoon nap.
those stars
out the window,
a song, a book.
the quiet of you
beside me.
a single kiss
before good night.

beauty sleeping

I couldn't understand
why
she didn't want to work.
how mean was I to say
so often,
get a job
after the son was born
and soon walking.
but no.
she slept in, slept
through the years,
the decade,
as the child grew,
went to school,
to college
to California. get a job,
i'd say.
do something, help me.
but no. instead
she found a better place
to sleep,
someone with more
than what I could give,
more patience.
she sleeps
there now, undisturbed
as the sun
rises into noon.

snow

a field
of unspoiled snow
appears
while you sleep beside her.
no angel.
no devil, either of
you,
lying in the cool
room
unlistening
to the crank
of air, the blow of fan.
tired
to the bone
with summer,
the heat that wilts
your soul.
you dream and shiver
as the next season
approaches,
a field of unspoiled
snow.

the new girl in town

mary
who turns ninety one in September
has moved
to Miami.
finally leaving her baby blue
apartment
in the city.
she took almost nothing with
her.
just summer clothes
and shoes.
she tells me
that the senior home
is so cliquish.
they stare at me when
I come into the room.
they don't even say hello.
i'm the new girl
in town.
they don't wear make up,
she says,
or get dressed for dinner
or even lunch.
let them talk,
I don't care, i'll out live
them all
and be running
this place
in no time.
i'll have my own girls
when the new ones
arrive.

praying for the world

what's wrong with your knees,
I ask betty
when seeing her limping
at the mall.
there are large band aids
on her knee caps.
I want to say, rug burns?
but don't.
I've been going to church
a lot lately,
she says.
I've gotten into praying
more.
not just for things,
or me,
or for my dog, who was bitten
by a snake last week,
but for the whole world.
that's a lot of praying
I tell her,
looking at her bag from
target.
I bought some knee pads,
she says. taking them out
to show me.
like the kind construction
workers wear, but
I have to let
the blisters heal first
before I can use them.
I've been praying sitting up
in the pews lately, but
I don't think it's quite
as effective, do you?

bank fees

is there anything
else I
can help you with,
the bank
clerk asks you
after telling you that
your account
is overdrawn
and that you must
pay a fee.
no, there is nothing
you can help me
with to fix this erroneous
charge, you say,
but perhaps
there is someone else
at the bank
older than twelve
who might.
in fact give me the
smartest person who
works at the bank and let
me speak to them,
to which she says,
but i'm smart too.
and you reply,
no doubt, but not quite.

her sweets

I miss her cookies
and cakes.
her sweets.
the icing of her.
the meringue of her.
the way
she tasted
when bitten into.
I miss all of that,
but not
the toothache.

painted from memory

time has a way
of shaping the past
into a way we'd
like to remember
it.
we frame it
just so, using all the colors
that we need
to make it
right.
throwing out
what doesn't fit.
then we pound a nail
into the wall
of our memory
and hang it there
until the end of time,
and by then,
anyone that could contradict
our version,
our portrait
is long gone.

Monday, August 1, 2016

are you on your computer now?

the industry of scamming
is so sophisticated
now.
they know everything about
you, everything
but one small clue
to get you to open up
the vault
of your belongings.
they call from warehouses
in other countries,
with broken English,
and impatient questions.
are you on your computer
now they ask?
in the old days,
someone would just bump
into you
and take your wallet
from your coat pocket
with a deft hand,
take the cash
and be on their way.
I miss the old days.

bow ties

for some reason
my mother insisted we wear bow ties
to school
as small children.
white shirts with
red or plaid bow
ties clipped
on to our
buttoned up
skinny necks.
our hair was combed off
to one side,
a straight line part
leading back
to the cowlick.
we had brief cases too,
and shorts with
suspenders,
polished brown shoes.
we were miniature
congressmen going off
to kindergarten.
we looked ambivalent
and bored
in the photos,
about to start our day
with crayons,
and the alphabet,
kickball at recess,
and tuna sandwiches
for lunch.

the dead battery

it's a personal best,
I realize
taking
the pot roast out
of the oven without
the smoke alarm
going off.
the potatoes too.
and string beans on
the stove.
biscuits on the low pan.
the room is full of smoke,
but the window
is open,
and the fan going.
for once, I've
made a meal
without the screeching
pulse of the alarm.

we need more

survival
keeps us going.
keeps us in motion.
as it
does all life forms.
each seeking
food
and shelter,
whether nest or rock,
worm or insect.
only we need more,
a book,
a show,
love and affection,
a nice pair
of shoes,
or a car
better than his
or hers.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

by a nose

by a nose
the horse wins,
wet
and out of breath,
does it care, does it matter
to him
or her
what the finish was?
there is still the stable,
the water
and oats,
the hands brushing
and whispers
of love
from the handlers.
only in the stands
with tickets
torn,
or tickets waved in
victory
does the world feel right,
or wrong.

out of hand

the dripping faucet
is a small
thing as is the screw
which loosened
and rolled
away,
leaving the door
half hinged.
a light bulb
dead
when you turn the switch,
a leak
in the washer
at your feet,
the squeak of boards
going up
the stairs.
a check in the mail
sent back
with insufficient funds
stamped
on the front.
each alone is nothing
to be concerned
about, but collectively
you take notice
and believe
that things may be
getting out of
hand.

in for the day

once
inside. it's hard to go back
out again.
the sun
whitens
everything, shimmers
along the metal
curve of cars,
the roads rise
in black and white
lines.
it's difficult to leave
your cool
nest and venture out
once more
into
the blistered
air
of july.

unedited

the unedited version
of you
is raw.
full of errors, misspellings,
lack
of punctuation,
but you clean the page up
well enough
to go out in public
and be
approved. accepted
as normal.
at home it's different though,
let the ink
fly,
let the thoughts run
wild, you fill the page
with everything and anything
your heart
desires, then crumple it
and toss it towards
the basket.

the comfort of anyone

she disappears again,
so I know she's met someone.
a new guy.
how quietly she slips
into love like
a well worn shoe.
hardly a month can go by
without wearing
them or
walking in the sand
alone, discovering
the ocean
without another voice
beside her.

imperfections

the rain does
nothing to make things cooler.
we'll talk
about this later,
when night falls.
when we sit on the front steps
and look for a moon
that isn't there.
the stars will be dim,
too close to the city.
something will make the dog
bark, spoiling
the quiet.
things are not always what
you want them to
be.
the imperfections of us,
make that clear.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

rock star

the clerk at the local
market
is a rock star.
his hair braided and long,
blonde
and down around his shoulders.
it hangs
in front of his
red vest hiding
his name plate.
his soft blue eyes seem shy,
but I doubt it.
I imagine at night
he's on stage,
singing,
playing his guitar,
kneeling in the lights
as young girls
scream his name.
bare chested and bold,
as he strums
and wails out his song.
I want to tell him that I
too once
had hair like that,
that long, that scraggily
and blonde,
but I don't, I think better
of it, instead
I take out my coupons then
push my eggs
and bacon,
my two percent milk,
apple juice
and prunes along the belt.

the king of ice cream

you are the king
of ice
cream, not the emperor as
the poem
goes, but a king, who
can sit
in the cool of a wind
blown fan,
and spoon
the sweet diary mix,
into your mouth.
hardly a summers day
can go by
without a thought of this.
cradling
the quart
in your lap, while
reading,
or watching tv.
and
the cat, patient as
any cat can be through
the ages
sits nearby, waiting
for her turn,
once the king has finished.

bring it to me

the needle,
taking thread through
its thin
hole, wet at the end
by her lips,
hardly stiff,
but manageable
as she guides it through
the opened eye
of steel.
what needs to be sewn?
a sleeve,
a seam, a cuff
undone. a dress.
how she could sit
for hours
and take our clothes
one piece
at a time
and sew, saying almost
done,
now there.

call it even

she told you that she
wasn't the jealous
type,
but when you saw the key
marks down
the side of your black
car,
you thought that maybe
she wasn't
being completely honest
with you,
as you weren't with her.
the flat tire may be of
her doing as well.
call it even.

the abstract life

life is hardly a circle,
although
it sounds good
when speaking of what comes
back around.
it's more
of an abstract painting,
a Jackson
Pollock canvas,
of energy
and doubt,
of paint slung and dripped,
splattered
with a mind of its own.
maybe in the end
it's something
when held up
from a distance,
and maybe it's not
anything, but a mess.

her blues

she can hardly
stop
from doing what she does,
staring
at the blue
thin veins
on her wrist.
each year, coming closer
to her goal.
neither pills, or
therapy
seem to work, each
a soft pillow
gone cold, barbed
with feathers.
she feels as if she
could
disappear at any moment,
by her hand,
or the hand of others,
walk off
into the blue.
the hesitation
in her voice
when speaking
saying more of where
she is,
and is going,
without me.

walking towards the ocean

it is the breath
of the ocean
that welcomes you, both
cold
and warm
sweeping in from an
impossible
sea.
the shimmering coals
of sand,
tiny
but one together
as you walk towards
your past, your future,
less of you
than the year before.
it is the ocean
that keeps
calling, bringing you
back for more, with
or without love
in hand,
this thing, this roll
of waves, this deepness
of blue and green
remains the same.

Friday, July 29, 2016

her new melons

you see marla
in the grocery store.
work has been done
you think as you watch her
bump into
the tomato pyramid sending
a few rolling on the floor.
there is a permanent look
of surprise on her face.
she doesn't see you,
the world is a blur
without her glasses, so
you yell.
hey marla, which makes
her turn and squint
as she pushes her cart towards you.
she's more blonde now,
teetering on heels, more
something else,
something you can't quite
put your finger on.
what do you think she says,
after saying hello.
about what, you ask,
these, she pushes
her breasts out, and looks down
at the two large scoops of vanilla
nearly pouring out
of her tight blouse.
they're new, she says,
just got them two weeks ago.
go ahead and feel them.
really?
yes, she says,
to which you say, well,
okay, then look around
to see if anyone is watching.
you poke one with a finger,
then the other one.
they feel hard, they feel
soft. mushy,
like melons going south
at the end of a long summer.
nice, you say.
they look great.
everyone loves them, well,
gotta run, she says. I have
a date tonight. new guy.
great seeing you again,
and off you both go in
different directions.

dinner guests

she liked to put
out the good china when her
mother and father visited.
her sister in tow, with her next
husband.
a new table cloth
had arrived, ironed hot,
and smoothed
before spread across
the table.
new glasses too. wine, water,
thick tumblers
for her father, who wanted scotch.
the silver polished.
serving dishes, saucers and tea
cups.
the coffee machine
with an exotic brew.
all day she'd cook,
and clean, dust and wax.
fold towels for the loo.
it was just a small house,
narrowed beside
two others,
blue vinyl hiding
the quick build of wood
and shingles. outside
was the sand pit where children
would play.
a swing and a see saw,
now broken,
but inside, her gourmet
books kept
her going, days before
the guests arrived.
the house full of food you
never smelled before,
and you, watching it all,
uncertain as to why or what it
all meant, wondering why
none of this ever done for
just you two.

the photo

a black and white photograph,
the edges crimped, the thick
skin
brittle
and creped,
but the dark eyes,
hair, the italian faces are all
familiar.
the future and past
all gathered together
near a table,
white clothed.
there is wine, empty
plates.
a bowl
in the middle,
fruit never to be touched.
aunts and uncles
before they became so,
your mother,
nestled between
the shoulders of her
brothers,
smiling, the mirror image
of one of your sisters
at that age.
most of the people in
the photo are dead now, or
close to it.
but then, oh then, how
they lived
and ate, listened
and danced to music,
fought and laughed,
made babies, one of which
was you.

try some of these pills

hallucinations
are not uncommon, suicidal
tendencies,
aggression
and dizziness may accompany
the taking
of this medicine.
take one pill with a meal,
at night.
do not drive, or operate
heavy machinery.
do not climb ladders,
or reach above
your head.
stay away from sharp objects,
small children
and pets.
if you hear sirens, or your
vision goes black,
call 911 immediately
if you can find your phone.
heart palpitations, speaking
in tongues
and vomiting may
occur, as well as dry mouth
and frequent urination.
if a rash appears,
do not scratch it or let anyone
touch the oozing
lesions that may
develop.
although this is an allergy
medicine, you may
have an allergic reaction
to it which
could cause immediate death,
or a long slow painful
one in a coma.
it's recommended that a living
will is made,
as well as consulting
a priest
before taking one of these
pills.
see your doctor for a refill
of this prescription.

more fish

when she died, my father
said, don't worry,
there are more fish in the sea.
you'll get over it,
give it time.
after thirty years
of him being in the navy
I believed him.
he must know a lot about the sea,
about fish.
that was the last time
I confided
anything so personal
and full of grief
with him.
I keep the topic to weather
and sports now,
grilled fish.

the girl from iowa

the girl from iowa
that i met in north Carolina
at a beach house
that was owned by
someone who lived in Maryland
used to put ketchup on
her scrambled eggs.
she'd burp and squeeze
the bottle,
pouring the ketchup out
in long lines, then making
a grid back the other way.
I remember staring
at her and saying, you really
like ketchup, don't you?
and her replying yup,
as she dug in, smiling
with her gapped front teeth.

best friends

your best friend
in high school rarely studied
for a test
instead he sat close
to you
and bumped your chair
whispering
for answers.
sometimes he'd copy
your French translation,
word for word,
getting you both
d's on the assignment.
he's a doctor now,
and you've lost contact,
but you can still
feel the chair
being nudged by his
tapping foot,
his psst pssst behind you.

nine to five

in some ways
they look like prisoners.
the long lines
getting off
the subway,
the buses, marching towards
their cells.
they are non resistant
and peaceful,
reluctant to stir things
up
and miss a meal,
or a chance at a better
view
from where they sit
on the seventeenth floor.
there are no chains,
no guards,
no watch tower.
but the sentence is long
and hard
with no means of escape,
that they know of.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

happy people

some people are too happy.
especially
in the morning.
they look at you and say
things like,
good morning, sunshine,
up and at em.
you're not a violent
person, but the idea
of throwing things at these
happy people does
cross your mind.
ahhh, another beautiful
day in paradise, they might
offer,
pulling up the blinds
and spreading the curtains
open.
just look at that blue
sky. listen to those birds chirping.
you know there is something wrong
with these people,
but you can't quite
put your finger on it.
while brushing their teeth, again,
they might come over and take
the pillow off your head,
pinch your cheeks,
and say something like,
let's go lazy bones,
times a wasting. we've got a whole
beautiful day
ahead of us.

deep breathing

one part of your lung
is a little
weak, my doctor tells me
while she stares
at the x-ray
against the light.
you need to do some deep
breathing exercises,
which will help to restore
it to its full
power.
immediately I think
of Isabel Leonard and wonder
if she's still in town
and not flown back to Italy yet.

i'll call you

I'll call you,
you tell her.
i promise as she writes
her number
down on a bar
napkin,
but the number sits
in your wallet
for days, which become
weeks.
at the end of the year
you stare the smudged
blue numbers
and can't remember who
this person is,
so you finally call to
find out, but the number
has been changed
or disconnected.
you kept your promise
though, you called.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

summer money

our skinny arms
would easily slide up into
the rounded shoulders
of red coke
machines
and pull out a cold
bottle,
releasing it from the rack.
sometimes there was
change to be found
in the little
doored pocket
of the machine, or
in telephone booth beside it.
coke bottles, empty were
two cents,
when returned,
quart bottles a nickel.
wooden crates
holding twenty four
were a quarter.
we wandered over to the bars
where in the gravel
lots
we'd pan for more.
drunks reaching for keys
and letting bills
and change
fall out before driving
home in a stupor.
we kept our summers going
in this way.
finding spare
change
and treating each new
dime
on the ground as if
a gold nugget.

i don't want to know

at a party
it's best not to ask
what someone does for a living.
they look at you
exhausted already with
what they are about to say,
but give it a try.
they explain
quickly with words
you've never heard before,
some ending in x,
how they spend
nine hours of their day.
in short time
you are looking for the man
carrying around
a tray of shrimp wrapped in bacon
and turning your martini glass
up into the air,
to finish it in a single gulp.

the gin blues

being drunk
is no fun. maybe for ten minutes
of lucid
hilarity
and twisted wisdom shouted
out into
an unlistening world,
but then
the world spins,
and gin doesn't seem
to be your friend anymore.
you are flying
in outer space,
floating
among the dampened stars,
the sparks
of your brain
begin to pulsate
as the vice squeezes
down.
what was in you,
consumed during the past week,
has a strong and urgent
desire to leave.
being drunk is no fun,
not for you
are anyone
within arms reach.

one drop of blood

the paper cut
lets
a small drop of blood
come
out
and drip in a candy
like drop
upon
the white shirt.
a stain that will
never wash out.
life
continues, but
now
with a different
shirt.

a soft moon

it's a soft
moon that rises over
our
arms, our legs, our upturned
faces.
bone white
with almost a smile,
a grin
a song in play
among
the scattered clouds.
who doesn't love a moon
like that,
the mystery
still in tact
about what anything really
means.
this moment.
what's to come,
what's in the past.

for karen

it's a slow
drive through the old neighborhood.
the houses
are small,
smaller than you remember.
flat roofs,
rough bricked with
casement windows.
graffiti walls.
the street narrows,
and turns below
the long licorice
lines of power
and phone wires
strung low.
you remember the hiding
places, now
overgrown,
the bowling alley
boarded up, the long wall
against where
you stood and swung
at pitches from your brother,
a strike zone
painted in. still there.
the sweet memories
of a first kiss
linger as you drive through,
as you slow down
to stare at the window
where you once looked
out at a world
you knew so little
about, but now do.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

the thai cleaners

the thai restaurant
where we met is now a dry cleaners.
it looks
like the same
people are working
there though.
you go in, just to see
if any thing
looks
the same.
maybe a chair, or table
where we held
hands for the first time.
it doesn't.
there is the smell of
sweet chemicals
in the air,
a large oval rack that
moves mechanically
with plastic covered clothes.
the woman at the front
asks
if you have a number,
you say no,
just looking.
remembering.

two stories

there is always more
to the story,
another side, a different
angle,
there is your version
then hers
about how it all fell
apart.
neither right, neither
wrong,
but you'll tell yours,
and she'll go with
hers, as you both explain
how it ended
for the rest
of your lives.

the ice box

I remember my
mother
chipping ice out
of the ice
box when it had become
white and frozen
inside
not unlike the photos
I would see
in the national geographic
magazine
of the polar caps.
she'd pull the red stool
to where she could
reach
the top section
then begin to chisel
away
at the thick walls
of frosted ice.
it took hours as
we watched her
with our needs.
getting towels
to set at her feet,
catching the dripping
water.
she was quiet while she
worked.
her head inside the cold
square,
it was almost as if she
had left,
gone somewhere without us.

Monday, July 25, 2016

the iron curtain

the doctor's assistant,
from the eastern block,
with a little diamond
stuck to the outside
of her nose,
tells me to blow
into the tube,
seeing how high I can make
the red line rise.
testing my lung capacity.
you can do better, she says,
after I blow once.
go again, she says,
stamping her foot.
I do. it's a weaker blow.
once more she says,
harder, do it, now.
so I do.
it's the worst of the three
tries.
she sighs and writes down my highest
number.
sit, she say, I am going to
give you a shot
now, which arm?
either I say. roll up your sleeve.
the needle goes in.
I hardly feel it. she has
a tender touch
despite her steely ways.
I tell her that.
I tell her that I've never
received an injection with such
tenderness. i see a tear
roll out of one
of her blue eyes. go she says,
pointing at the door.
go. go have your
lungs x-rayed. fourth floor.

when the rake broke

after I broke my
rake,
raking
leaves and vines in the back
yard.
I didn't curse,
or shake my head,
I just threw it over
the fence into
the woods.
both pieces.
raking was done for the day,
perhaps that year.
at some point
i'll get another rake,
and start again
in the yard,
moving leaves and vines
around, crazy rocks
that never seemed
to be there before,
but i'm in no rush.
there's no one
pressuring me to rake,
or bag
the pile and take
it to the dump.
in fact, i'm happy that
the rake broke.

the storm

chaos arrives
and settles in for awhile.
it's a storm with
winds and heavy rain.
I've been
there before, who hasn't.
in the past
there was panic, grinding of teeth,
pulling of hair,
angst ridden sleep.
but not this time.
this time
I watch it happen, let it roll.
i take the sails down,
do what needs
to be done
to keep the ship afloat,
bailing water,
singing and old seaman's song,
until it blows away.

the rabbit fur

it was a coat
made from rabbits.
black and white, brown
spotted.
it must have taken fifty
rabbits, their
stretched
hides stitched together
to form this
unsightly garment.
it made me sneeze whenever
she wore it
out and about,
on a date.
I was happy when
we got caught in rain
storm one night
and had
to walk and walk
before getting
to our destination.
the coat was
sopping wet, the fur
matted
and running with
weak dyes. it smelled
funny too.
I laughed, she cried
when
the rabbit coat
died.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

the poisoned well

betrayal
is a poison.
it stays in the belly
for a long time,
forever, maybe.
it's hard
to let go of what
a sly hand
has done,
letting fall the apple
into the well.
it's not easy
to love again
with this taste
still in your mouth,
lingering,
unable to spit out.

the love unused

unsmelled roses
don't care.
beauty unseen
either
has no
grief. or music
not heard,
the farthest star
unwished upon
will not lose
a moments sleep,
but the love within
a heart
unused,
is tragic.

why bother

it's easier
with things to make
it black and white,
the literal interpretation
keeping
things clear.
but the poets
and theologians want
us
to see more.
to grieve
harder, seek joy with
more fervor.
think beyond the reach
of our hand.
life and death is not
an even
thing,
nor is good or bad
distributed
with a kind compassionate
hand.
what reason are all these books,
all this learning
with the end so close,
with darkness
encroaching perpetually
with every new rise
of a white sun.
why bother.

just give us candy

as a child
I questioned the piñata.
why?
why are you blindfolding
us
and giving us a stick
to swing
blindly
at this colored
box on a string,
in the picnic air,
why are we reaching up
with our skinny arms,
trying to burst its
sides so that it will
rain candy.
just give us
the candy,
evenly and fairly, each
with his or her
own
amount.
what madness is this
thing
that we are doing.
we are children.
I learned early how to take
the fun
out of many things
that others in this life
so enjoy.

the last ride

at the carnival,
decades ago,
my son and I were in the spider
like contraption,
that spun us
around
rapidly, up and down, the long
tendrils of
the clanging machine
vibrating
like wings.
there was music playing.
REO speedwagon, or journey,
some such thing.
then it stopped.
some people screamed with no
way down.
finally a man
in a greasy white t shirt
approached
with a wrench and asked
if we had seen any
parts fly off.
no one said a word, they wondered
how it came about that
their life would
end like this.
at a parking lot carnival,
at the mercy
of the man with the wrench.
everyone will
get refunds and more tickets
to ride the spider
again, he said,
crossing his heart
with the wrench, just as soon
as I get it fixed.

it's just the way we are

I can hardly
walk by a watermelon
without rapping my knuckles
on it to see
if it has that nice
hollow sound, not that i'm
going to buy another
melon this summer.
I'm full of melon.
same goes for a woman
walking by in a short skirt,
I can hardly keep
my head still, from
turning around,
not that i'll chase her
down the street
and beg her to be mine.
it's just the way we are.
men.

the spin cycle

i'm losing things.
losing
sight of what's important.
keys
and wallets,
i'm lost
in the city
going down a one
way street with pink
tickets
flapping under my wipers
like tongues
mocking me
with laughter.
I can't find your number,
my credit card
to ring up a bottle of
grey goose
at the abc store.
that sandwich
I was eating
has fallen between the seats.
I have lettuce
on my knee, between
my teeth.
i'm in the spin cycle
of middle age,
middle that is if I live
to be a hundred and twenty.
i'm
waiting
for the rinse cycle
and bells to ring to say
that i'm done.

i never said that

I don't remember
half
of what I said
an hour ago,
i'm a babbling brook
when it comes
to words, so how
I could
I possibly remember what
you said, no matter
how well
your phrased it.
let's clean the slate
and say new
stuff.
okay, you go first.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

go buy some ice cream

a woman
approaches me in
the parking lot, she's mad,
her hands
are on her hips,
her face is pink
the color
of merlot.
you cut me off back there,
she says,
you didn't even look
or care
that I was coming.
I was doing forty, the speed
limit,
but you people have no
manners,
no sense of the road,
do you?
I have no clue what she's
talking about,
I looked at my one turn,
saw nothing,
then turned.
i'm sorry, I said, but
you have me mistaken for
someone else.
no, it was you. I know it
was you. I hope you're
happy about getting
to the store
before me.
I want to say or do the right
thing, but she persists
in the hot sun,
standing in the black lot,
confronting me.
a part of me wants
to curse her,
and tell her to leave me
alone, to go buy a gallon
of butter brickle ice cream
and have a nice day.
but it ends
before I can say anything
i'll regret for a week or more.
she's tired of yelling and being
mad,
so wobbles into the store
staring at her list
crumpled in her hand.


what's next

with the promise of beer
and pizza, your crowd
gathers
in the early morning.
there is lifting to be done.
boxes,
furniture.
pictures to be hung,
once centered
and marked
where the nail should be.
the carpet goes
down, paint onto
the walls.
tables moved
and chairs placed under
them.
dishes find their
way into the cupboard,
silverware
into a drawer.
the beds get made.
before long, everyone
after eating and drinking,
has left, leaving
you alone
to figure out what's
next.

the night shift

it made my mother nervous
when I drove her to work
at sunny brooke tavern
down indian head highway
in godforsaken southern Maryland.
she worked the four o'clock
shift, closing at one or
two in the morning.
it was a seedy, smokey
joint where you were frisked
before going in.
she worked behind the bar
in a pair of hot pants,
the uniform of the day.
her hair up in a black
tall bun, held together
with hair spray and pins.
on a low stage a country band
played.
at home were her seven
children, of varying ages,
from diapers to college.
slow down, she'd say, you're
driving too fast,
or hurry up, I'm going
to be late.
I can't lose my job.
I remember the sun coming
through the car window,
a yellow glow angled
onto my mother. her hands
in her lap, on top of her
large white purse
with gold clasps. her sequined vest.
she was excited and sad
at the same time
to be working, freshly divorced,
making minimum wage and tips,
fending off the men,
some of which
would drive her home on
the back of motorcycles, or
in their trucks, hoping
against hope, she'd give in.

a penny saved

always, always,
they preached,
save for the future.
put a little bit
away,
a coin in a jar,
a bill folded, tucked
inside a wallet,
open up a savings
account at the bank.
watch it grow and grow,
so that one day
you'll have
plenty to live on
when you turn old and grey,
unable to work
any longer.
and when you die
you'll have
something to leave
for your children, or
cats.