stolen identity

I try to conjure up one
single
good memory of her.
but nothing comes
to mind.
every hour
every day, every minute with
her was
dark and lonely, full of
grief.
full of imaginary demons
and ghosts.

how hard she tried to control
me. telling me what to think,
what to say.
don't read this.
don't watch tv.
no movies. don't write.
don't speak.
be dumb, be numb, don't
exist when i'm around.
she took my identity
away.

there was nothing,
nothing good between us
to break up
the long nights,
the even longer days.