four hundred dollars

there was always
a big gift
for christmas
when your son
was little.
somehow it
always cost 400
hundred dollars
no matter what piece
of junk it was
later to become.
always.
not unlike taking
your dog
to the vet.
four hundred
dollars, blood
work and stool samples
included
despite having
done that the last
visit and the time
before that.
and the car.
never twenty bucks
for just wipers,
no, you need a
new gadget or you
may die in
a crash on the highway.
400 bucks.
the dentist.
the cleaning and those
awful trays
for whitening.
right. 400 hundred.
that seems to be
the dividing point
on what we'll pay.
no more, no less.
400 hundred dollars.

christmas girl

she was a walking
Christmas
tree
the moment she
sat down
for thanksgiving
dinner.
the red reindeer
sweater, the tinsel
earrings,
the broche that
lit up up
and played
music when you
touched it.
the bangles on both
wrists jingling
like santa's sleigh.
it was open season
on cookies
and eggnog,
a mistletoe
head band twirling
above her
frosted hair,
puckering her
candy cane lips
for whoever crossed
her path.

you are up

you miss
those sleepy dog
mornings
of youth.
lying in bed
until noon,
not quite
done with
the eleven hours
of deep sleep
that you
allotted for
your young self.
now the sun
with it's banging
drum of
light
stirs you awake,
no matter how
deep the mattress
how soft
the pillows,
how gentle
and sweet the soul
is beside you
still dreaming,
you are up.

come closer

you like
the curve of her,
the shadowed
moon of who
she is, the rise
and fall
of her body,
from her
lips down
to her toes.
she is pale
in the light
and more
so in the dark,
a sheet of paper
whispering
sweet prose
inviting you to
come here,
come closer to me
and write.

table talk

distant
relatives
are not quite distant
enough.
like a cold
wind
they blow
in for the holidays
bearing
not gifts
or words
of wisdom, but
saying things
like what happened
to your hair,
we thought you'd
do better things
with your life
than this,
pass me the gravy.
you don't dislike
these people,
but you aren't
fond of them
either, and you
wonder if perhaps
you were
adopted and of
no blood relation
whatsoever.

loves compromise

the politics
of a relationship
is full of
taking polls,
registering
emotions,
pulling
levers
each day on
what to eat,
or where to go
whose turn it is
to say yes,
or no.
voting, always
voting
with compromise
in mind.
as long
as there is love
and like
and lust
there is just
one side
not two, but
remove one
and the world
comes down.

a life of birds

for most of her
life
she had a bird
or two
canaries
in a small
cage
hanging
in the kitchen
window.
they'd last
a month or so,
a year,
some longer,
some just a day,
an hour.
some whistled
and sang,
others were
silent, yet
still
beautiful
in their strange
yellows
and greens,
brilliant blues
beneath the spread
of their wings.
she'd talk
sweetly
to them,
feeding them
gently,
filling the dish
of water.
each bird
bringing joy,
each death, tears.

ringing bells

the man
in a red soft
hat
in front of the grocery
store
has bells
in each hand.
all day
he rings them
vigorously
as he greets
the shoppers
coming
and going.
a black kettle
strung
on a chain beside
him fills
up with
coins
and bills.
he couldn't be
nicer
despite the annoying
bells.
you wonder how
long
he can keep this
up with
forty more days
to go until
Christmas.

the bookstore

you peruse
the stacks of books
on the tables
near the front
of the bookstore
with sale stickers
freshly pressed
onto the covers.
fifty things or
places, or food
you need to visit
or eat before you
pass away into
eternity. a new
Lincoln biography,
another shade
of grey. a shelf
just for kennedy
and Oswald.
eat this and live
longer, one book
says, with a bright
red photo of
a radish on
the front. drink
this and be smarter
another says,
a glass of water
gleaming in
a bright light
over someone's
hand. slowly you
wind your way
through the aisles,
past the magazines
and hats, and kindles,
and movies
to finally find
the slender shelf
of poetry hidden
deep within
us all.

the sheriff is coming

the sheriff is coming,
you hear
one sister say
to another, trembling
on the phone.
the sheriff
will be here
today. this means
that your other
sister is flying
into town.
the streets empty,
the foolish ones
scatter and hide
behind their curtains.
there will be hell
to pay when the dust
settles and she sees
what's going on here.
she will take no
prisoners. the sheriff
is coming. there
will be no parade.

how to make gravy

you put on
your pilgrim hat
with the large
buckle around
the brim,
your boots
and blousy
white shirt.
it's turkey
killing time
once again.
bring back a fat
one jonathan
your wife
yells at you
as you grab
your musket
and hatchet.
oh, and knock
on your sister's
thatched hut
door, if you
don't mind, she's
the only one around
this village
that knows
how to make
real gravy. she
can't make
a pumpkin pie worth
a damn, but
she knows her
gravy.
i need the recipe.
and don't tell her
what I said
about her pies.

with open arms

this isn't what
you planned for.
slipping
away into the sea.
ice into water,
melting slowly
into the whole
of what is
and what will be.
the ocean neither
forgives, nor
remembers what
comes to it, but
accepts all
with open
arms and mystery.

chain chain chain

at night
you hear the music
coming from
the house next
door,
chain chain
chain,
chain of fools.
Aretha
belting it out.
you peek
out the window
and see
the old
woman in her
apron, holding
a spatula
to her mouth
like a microphone,
dancing with
her dogs.
she spins around,
as
the dogs leap
and bark
around her feet.
you love her
and want
to marry her.

your room

a place
to be, a room
to call
your own.
it's down to this.
a bed, a blanket,
a pillow
and a tray
of food.
a t.v.
on the wall, a
sheet hung
to divide
the room
in two.
no luggage
at the ready,
no coat
or hat hung
on the door,
no maps to
tell you where
you're going
anymore.
this is it.
a place
to be, a room
to call
your own.

fresh air

driving home
you smell something
strange.
it's the smell
of sickness
the taint
of hospital
gowns and wipes,
hand sanitizers
and shoes
set by the bedside.
life gone
stale is with you.
it's in your hair,
your clothes
on the tips of
your fingers.
you want to take
the top off
of that building
and let the wind
in, let the stars
and moon
rain down
with light. you
want fresh air
to fill their lungs.
you want the birds
to land
on the beds,
you want meteors
to flash
in front of the dying
eyes, to tell
them, that is
everything is fine,
everything will
be alright.

the queen

she's playing
chess
while you play
checkers.
always
a jump or two
ahead of
you.
she takes her
time, staring
long
at the board
while you
tap your foot
and drink
your wine.
she protects
her queen
more than her
king. it's who
she is
and why she
keeps winning,
just
as you want
it to be.

side dishes

you pull your
empty cart up
to the chilled
meat section
to ponder
the frozen turkey
bin, there
are dozens of
white smooth
birds wrapped
in red fish net
stockings.
your mind wanders,
it drifts
to a woman you
used to know.
you need
stuffing,
and potatoes,
don't forget
the gravy,
a side dish
or two,
excuse me someone
says, bumping
into your
cart, but
are you going
to stand there
all day
and stare at
those birds.
the word cranberries
comes out
of your mouth,
for no reason.

dessert

the nurse,
in a maroon
jump suit,
her hair done
in Christmas
curls,
is doing
her nails
next to the heart
machine
that glows
with numbers
in a variety
of colors.
she looks at
her watch,
then peels
back a small
plastic container
of apple sauce,
pushing aside
the untouched
ham
sandwich.
she looks out
the window
as a plane goes
by, low
in the grey clouds.
she dips the
plastic spoon
into the thin
mush
and brings it
to someone's lips,
looking
at a chart
to find her name.

on hold

your feet
are cold.
your hands,
your heart.
there's frost
on the windows.
the paper
is ice cold
as you bend
down with
the door open
to retrieve
it from
the porch.
the news is
cold. the dead
are cold.
the dog
feels the wind
and retreats
back inside.
everything
in this weather
is on hold.

wanting out

we are all
strangers,
out contempt
and love
for one another
often hidden
beneath
the surface
of our days.
unspoken words
fill the room,
darkened
by the shuttered
windows
that keep
the light out.
we hang beauty
on the wall,
line the floors
with bright
woven rugs,
put silver
on the table,
but who we are
lies quiet
in the tightly
locked drawer,
the secrets
whispering
wanting out.

the fallen leaf

you've had
enough sadness
for one day.
you take the next
off.
you don't clock
in.
you stay away
from the phone.
the e mails
and text messages
pile up
with beeps
and flashes
of blue light.
the hollow
knock at
the front door
is ignored.
you sweep
the world into
a corner
and find a chair
to sit in,
you find a
book, a song
to listen to.
a stiff drink
with the bottle
nearby.
out the window
you follow
the air borne
path of a yellow
leaf falling.

sharpening knives

the sisters
are sharpening their
knives.
their eyes
gleaming
in the fire
and pot that
boils in front
of them.
there is cutting
to be done.
soured
on each other's
whims
and quirks,
itching
to get at the fight,
to decide once
and for all
something
indiscernible
not only
to them, but
to all those
around them.

vincent's ear

you sympathize with
Vincent,
his self portrait
with bandage
around his head.
he looks cold
and miserable,
unshaven,
taking great
pains to show
the pain of his
lost love
and ear.
why the ear though?
why not a toe,
or a little
finger,
a tooth perhaps,
a lock of hair?
what significance
was the ear,
was it
the one she whispered
her false love
into, the one
she nibbled
while the fire
roared at their
bare feet, was it
the one she talked
incessantly
into about
her mother
or her knitting
circle
where she was making
his winter
scarf?

fools gold

the talk comes
around to money.
what's left.
who will pay for what.
who will chip
in and help.
is there any
hidden
in a jar, in a hole
dug deep
within the cold
yard.
who has the money.
where is the secret
bank account.
where and when
will the money show.
is it real
money, or loose
change between the
cushions,
fallen coins
with heads or
tails showing up.
some come with shovels
in hand,
others, with
flashlights to scour
the cupboards,
the floor boards
that they pry open
with hopeful tools.
where is the money?

in the window

the dog
sits near
her slippers,
near the window
staring out
waiting
for things to
change,
for a car to
pull up
bringing her
back home,
knowing
and not knowing
how the world
spins
outside of
his own short
life.
there is little
that he needs,
food, water,
affection.
a hand
on his warm
brown. the absence
of her
will fade,
one hopes, but
doubts.

the juggler

with three pins
in the air,
the juggler
asks for more.
tossing
them high
into the clouds,
spinning upwards
into the light.
this can't
last for long
you think,
spotting
the fear in his
eyes, the sweat
on his brow.
it's just a matter
of time,
before life
will come
crashing down.

be still heart

be still
heart.
enough beats
have
drummed
your life
ahead.
rest now
and be free
of what
ails
you. sing
and dance
on the sinking
ship
of your
body.
the party
has just
begun.
drink
the new wine
of
the next life.
eat at
the feast
of forever.

the living dead

a man
with no teeth
yells at you
from across
the street.
his skin
is scorched
like
worn leather,
his bones
tied together
with strings,
perhaps. a
Michael Jordan
hat tilted sideways
on his pharoahed
skull. he yells again
at you, then
stumbles off
the cliff of a curb,
mumbling
something about
money, or God,
the blessed virgin,
or something,
he comes close enough
so that you see
the yellowed
white of his
shuttered eyes,
the crazy in
his pupils,
his parched hand
swings out,
when you don't
respond, but
press on
he yells back at
you, fuck you
faggot,
then turns towards
someone else.
you want to defend
yourself in some
strange way,
tell him that you
are not gay,
but that you just
like to dress neatly,
with matching
or complementing
colors of clothing.
these are not
designer sunglasses,
you want to yell
across the street,
just your
basic ray bans.
but you do nothing
and go get
a cup of coffee
with a splash of
cream, two
sweet and lows.
a small pastry,
heated up, and cut
in half.

the clothes line

the tight
line, from
pole to pole
across
the beaten
lawn, the dirt
row
where the dog
ran back
and forth
barking all
day.
and the basket
at her
feet, pinning
clothes
to the line,
wringing out
the water, snapping
them in
the air before
hanging
them to dry
in the breeze
under the young sun
of her youth.

vanilla pudding

you break off
a piece
of white bread,
a tiny sliver
of grey
hospital turkey,
you move
it towards
her mouth,
she opens.
a bird small
and weak
in the nest
of pillows
and white sheets.
more, you ask,
making her nod
no, no.
but then a spoon
of pudding
touches
her lips
and she smiles,
and nods
yes, opening
as wide
as she can
with laughing
eyes.

day in day out

the cows
in the field
don't care.
they chew
and chew
all day.
lying down
at night
to sleep
and dream of
standing,
of chewing more.
they stare
with wide
brown eyes as
the cars ride
by, children
pointing
with their
short arms. saying
look, cows.
do you see them?
look at
the cows.
and the tails
wag softly
in the summer sun.

gum world

gum stuck
to your shoe.
under
the table,
on the bed post.
gum
in her hair,
on a coat
sleeve, gum
snapped
loudly
in a mouth.
gum, smoothed
out and
blown into
a bubble.
purple gum,
orange gum.
on the bus seat.
gum
on the subway.
wads of gum
turned
grey.
chewed and spat
out,
flicked out
a car window
by the tip
of a finger.
gum stuck to a
moose's head.
put five pieces
in your mouth
and chew. be
a fool,
no one's
looking, why
not.

brushing her hair

even now
at 84, her hair
as thick
and lush
as it was at 30 or
40.
silver and white,
brushed
back by a nurse,
a stranger's
hands,
not unlike
the same hands
that handed
her over
to her mother
so long ago
who then gently
brushed
to the side
the black locks
for the first
time.

borrowing three eggs

there was a time
when your
mother would send
you across
the street to borrow
a cup of sugar,
or three eggs,
from the neighbor
that you knew only
as Lillian.
she was the go to place
for things
that we lacked.
go wash her car,
your mother would
say, cut her lawn,
shovel
her snow. it all
evened out
somehow as you
felt the warm
cup cake in your
mouth, icing on
your chin. happiness
in small crumbs
cascading down
your shirt.

expired meters

the disappointment line
is long,
it winds out the door
and down
the block.
people are standing
in line
with their
papers, their lists
of complaints
and sorrows wanting
to know how
things went wrong,
how they ended up
here, and not there,
despite good intentions.
bad marriages, jobs
gone wrong, kids
set free like balloons
cast into wild
winds. how did
this happen, they
ask when they arrive
at the window.
why me. how could
this have possibly
happened to me. but
there is no answer,
but why not as the
parking meters expire
where they parked
their cars, tickets
slipped under
the wipers.

nice hat

the mail man
is tired of saying
hello.
the leather
satchel
sags on his
back. an eskimo
styled hat is
tilted on
his head
and his gloves
are worn thin.
how are you,
you ask him
as he hands you
your mail.
what are you,
a doctor, he says.
how the hell
do you think I
am? he then
moves on
to the next house,
before you can
even tell him
nice hat.

the lost poem

you can't remember
the poem
you were going
to write, so
you write this
one instead.
it was so full of
metaphor and light,
the words
rolled off your
tongue as you
drove along
the highway.
how could you possibly
forget, but
alas, you did,
so this is all
you get.

this circle

it circles back
this cruel
and beautiful
life.
from child
into child
and the strange
struggle
and joy
of the years
tucked
in between.

no coffee maker

your car
talks to you
now.
giving you
subtle
whispers
informing
you
of the air
pressure
in your tires.
the small yellow
wrench
says i'm
thirsty
in need of oil,
or gas,
and that
beep beep
beep means
you are swerving
out of lane
or you are
too close to
the bumper
in front of you.
the seats
are warm,
the phone is
answered
directions
given, the radio
refreshes
your memory
with commercial
free music
of days long past,
but still no coffee
maker
to be found.

is that all you got?

always the skeptic,
Thomas was known for
saying to Jesus,
is that all you got?
water into fresca,
what's the big whoop.
what about some
pinot noir from down
in the valley?
we're at a wedding here,
not a sock hop.
and that walking on
water thing you're
doing, if i had a pair
of those wide cork
sandals, i'd be skating
across the sea
of galilee too. how
about flying over
the lake, let's see
you do that, mr.
big shot. and raising
lazarus from the dead,
nice, but try getting
Peter to stop snoring
when were camping out
sometimes, now that
would be a miracle
we'd all enjoy. we need
more Jesus if you
want to know the truth,
and yes, yes, I know,
don't tell me again,
the truth will
set us free.

room 206 C

the hospital
is a low block
of bricks
set grey
and brown
next to a gas
station,
and a fried
chicken joint.
you enter
through the emergency
room door,
all doors
looking the same
with very little
signage to
tell you where
to enter.
a small crowded
room
of very sick
and injured
people look up
as the whoosh
of wind and the sliding
door opens.
there is nothing
you can do
to help them
despite the longing
in their eyes.
you push
forward to room
206 C. there
is grieving to
be done
in other places.

three leaves

for hours
you listen to
the heavy drone
of a man
in front
of your house
with a leaf
blower.
he's wearing
a purple hoodie,
and gloves,
sunglasses
and boots.
slowly, inch
by inch he's
moving
across the lawn
of the public
area.
finally you can't
take it anymore
and go outside
to pick up
the three leaves
he is blowing
towards
the truck.
he thanks you,
turning
of his turbine
machine,
and smiles, what
will I do now
he says,
looking at his
watch.

the split seams

the wallpaper
once new
and smooth,
with a glossy sheen
is cracked
and torn,
brittle at the edges.
it can't be
fixed
or repaired.
the steam of
a dozen years
has split
the pattern.
the rose is no
longer a rose
by half.
the stem
and vines are
broken.
where it joined
together
it has fallen
free. so quickly
it seems
that love
falls apart when
once so new
so clean.

temptation

it's tempting,
walking out onto
the frozen pond
to see if you can
get to the other
side without it
cracking and you
falling in.
death is a clear
possibility,
or being up to
your neck in
ice water with no
way out.
but it looks so
easy, the sun
high in the blue
sky reflecting
against the mirror
of ice. how
quickly you could
glide and slide
across it. fun.
gently you tap
the edge with your
boot, wondering,
should I.

it is what it is?

we fall into
a pattern
of having our
own catch phrases,
never original
or new, or
fresh, but
things heard
at some point
and absorbed
through cultural
osmosis.
awesome, she
likes to say
when anything
is agreed upon.
or super,
or perfect
and exactly when
giving
affirmation
to something
said. or loudly,
really,
really? she likes
to express
with eyes wide
open, expressing
disbelief,
repeating oh
really? hands
on her hips
and then it is
what it is
to end the conversation,
closing the door
on any further
discussion.

the plumber

she falls
in love with
a plumber
and makes
the easy jokes
about
laying pipes
and fittings,
plunging
and soldering
joints
together, but
he wearies
of the humor
his hands
cut and dirty
from a days
work.
when he gets
home he wants
to lie
down
in a clean
bed and listen
to music
not the drip
drip drip
of her voice
against
the chrome
drain of his mind.

last words

i'm not really
your mother, i'm your
sister's friend
lily.
I left
all my money
to my cats, sorry,
perhaps if you
had been
a nicer son
and visited once
in a while
things would have
been different.
if you
look into
the safe that's
in the wall
behind the portrait
of your father
you'll find
nothing,
all the jewelry
is at
the pawn shop
except for these
diamonds
on my ears,
and they're going
down with me.
now if you'll
excuse me my shows
are coming
on. i'd like to
see them one more
time before
I expire.

old dogs

the old
dog
stepping gingerly
down
the hard wood
stairs
paws
slipping
under heavy
hips,
the puppy
in him wanting
to be
young again,
to chase
the ball
to run.
to bury
the bone,
to bark and
howl
at every moon
to lie
lazily
once more
in the mid
day sun.

wino world

by the second
or third squared
circle
of wine pourers
you develop
a headache
in the hot
sun. you feel
woozy and beached
by bad wine,
and being
jostled
by eager
and greedy tasters.
all with
red faces,
holding small
gift glasses,
wanting more,
another spoonful
of pinot
or chardonnay,
malbec
or merlot
to swallow
or spit out, nodding
their approval,
saying, yes, ah
yes. I like
that one.
let's try the apricot
dessert
wine now, they
say, elbowing
their way
towards the box
with a spigot.

out of season

a chattering
bird
on the sill
looking
in
with a twig
in her
mouth.
somehow
confused
by the seasons,
looking
to build
a nest
with this
chill
in the air.
can you help
a sparrow
out, she
seems to be
saying,
shaking
her grey head
before
flying off
into
the snow
flurries.

sugar kids

the sugar
filled kids, with
blue eyes
rolling in their
heads
like the wheels
in a slot
machine.
they scurry about
with
sharp teeth,
drooling and
banging the dog's
head like
a drum with sticks
brought in from
the yard.
their red cheeks
puffed out
like apples,
the chilled
wind stuck
in the hollows
of their small
pink lungs.
round and round
they go,
each trip
counted by a scream.
so you wait
before going
back to work
for a door to open
and for them
to fly out.

the number two pencil

the number two
pencil
rules the world.
marking
each test
with curled
nervous hands.
they get
stuck behind
an ear, or nibbled
upon with
chattering teeth as
one ponders
the answer
to a tough question.
long and thin,
school bus yellow,
the number two
is the only
one to use.
too bad for number one
or three, or
four if they
even do exist.
where are they?
stuck in some dusty
boxes in a warehouse?
never being called
upon.
who knows, who
cares about those
loser pencils.
just give me
a number two pencil
with a good
eraser and i'm
good to go.

unkind thoughts

some people are
always late.
tell them, i'll
meet you at five,
and they don't
arrive until
five twenty.
tell them five
twenty, then they
might show
up at six.
it's a constant
being late
with them. a
game they play
pretending to be
busy. who
isn't. they laugh
at their own
lateness. it's
funny to them,
it's who I am,
they say, proud
of making people
wait. you just sigh
and check your
watch, hum
quietly to yourself
and say,
serenity now,
tapping your
fingers on
the table, thinking
unkind thoughts.

the helen keller bistro

it was a dark restaurant.
so dark
that they give you
a seeing eye dog,
a white cane
and a miner's
helmet so that you
can navigate
around the tightly
placed tables.
small candles
are lit on
each table top,
fluttering their
one inch wick
with a wavy yellow
flame.
can you read this
you say to your
friend betty, does
that say, crab soup,
or catsup?
it's blurry, I
can't read it.
I don't know she says,
holding the menu
up to her helmet
light. there's
a picture of a
hamburger I think
on here, or maybe
it's a hat, not sure,
but i'm going to have
that, the hamburger
or the hat, i'll
eat either one, i'm
that hungry.
me too, you say, but
i'll have cheese on
mine, do you see
the word cheese anywhere?
I can't see any prices
either. the print
is so small. can
you see the wine list?
no, she says, but
i'm getting a headache,
it's so dark in here.
I think I just heard
a bat fly over my head.
let's ask the waiter,
here comes one now,
I think, or maybe
it's a customer,
or Dracula coming to
kill us. strike him
with your cane,
and ask him what kind
of wine they have.

hot sauce

nothing lasts forever,
she sighs
wiping a tear
from her eye. she
rubs her finger
where the wedding
band used
to be, and looks
off into the distance
where a dark line
of clouds
has settled in
for the late
afternoon.
what about hot sauce,
you say to her.
I still have the first
bottle of hot
sauce I ever bought
when I got married
in the 70's.
what, she says,
turning to look at
you. did you say
something. no, you
say. nothing.
just mumbling to
myself. go on,
you were saying...

magic time

the world
seems to need
ghosts
and apparitions.
spells
and witches,
big footed
monsters
roaming the woods.
it needs
aliens
in saucers,
loch ness
monsters,
the world needs
mystery
and wonder,
conspiracies
and plots,
it needs
magic, for
without it,
it's nine to five,
and just another
day alive.

empty boxes

a store
selling empty
boxes
and containers,
shelves
and webbed
baskets
has replaced
the book
store.
mark twain is
gone.
Hemmingway
and
plath.
Whitman has
disappeared
into
the leaves
of grass.
holden is lost,
no longer
catching
children
in the rye.

financial advice

you talk with your
financial
advisor, betty,
who has an office
over a Chinese
restaurant
in the city.
she tells you
that according
to what you've
saved and earned
over the past
four decades
that you need
three million
more dollars
in addition to
the three hundred
dollars in your
passbook savings
account to retire
and live a normal
life.
define normal, you
ask betty. she
taps a pencil
on her desk
and shrugs, I don't
know. food, clothing
shelter. that
sort of thing.
hmmm. you say
smelling the Chinese
food frying
in the room
below betty's office,
making you hungry.
how about this she
says, pulling her
chair closer
to the desk. you need
to meet a really
really rich woman
with a heart condition,
marry her, and
voila. she smiles,
her hands out, waiting
for you to laugh
along with her.
how much do I pay you,
betty, you ask
her. nothing, she
tells you, we're
friends remember?
right. lunch?
i'm starving for
some crispy beef
and a few egg rolls.
yeah, she says, a few
mai tais would be
nice too.

the unloved

are the unwashed
and drifting
unloved,
or are they
unloved
because of that.
it's hard to say.
for even
those on a straight
and narrow
with hot water
and soap
seem to be having
a tough go
at love as well.

tea talk

she says,
whispering to me,
leaning over
two cups
of hot tea,
they have everything
but they aren't
happy. everything.
she pours in a dollop
of cream,
sprinkles a packet
of splenda and stirs
her cup.
they both own
bmw's.
she shakes her
head, and lights
a cigarette,
blowing a cloud
of light
blue smoke towards
the ceiling.
you don't mind if
I smoke do you?
she liked to buy
pop art, she says,
smirking. can you
imagine, tomato
cans and what not.
flower pots.
who puts that on
the wall these days.
he cheats on her
to make up for her
bad choices in art,
she says, widening
her eyes, then
begins to laugh,
i'm sorry, she says
picking off
a piece of lint
from her blue
dress.
I just thought of
something funny.
pop art, pop tarts.
it sort of all
makes sense now,
don't you think?

angels with trumpets

a baby crying
catches your ear.
you don't
see the baby,
as you look
around the store,
but you remember
that sound,
coming from
a crib
up the stairs
in a pale
blue room, with
a spinning
mobile of
angels
with gold trumpets
above him.

bossy town

the whole
day, people keep
telling you
to have a good
one. have a nice
day, they say
handing you your
coffee, or bagel
with cream cheese,
all of these people
bossing you around.
the toll booth operator,
the bum on the street
asking for
a quarter.
maybe you don't want
to have a nice
day, did they
ever think that
as they make
their awful demands on
you. sometimes
they tell you what
to wear too, bundle
up before you go
out there, cold out.
or stay dry, it
looks like rain,
better bring an umbrella.
could be a down pour.
shut up.
who are these
bossy people and
what gives them
the right to tell
you how to live your life.
you're not the boss
of me, you want to tell
every one of them
as they smile
cheerfully, trying
to boss you around.

all your friends are there

you hate
facebook, okay hate
may be too strong of a word,
but it's a painful
thing to view
on a day to day basis.
it's not how shallow
and trivial
it is, it's something else.
it's not the pathetic
yearning of those
without real lives,
or the posted
cakes, the photos
of babies,
the vacations out
of state. it's something
else. the nosiness
of it all, perhaps.
the voyeuristic nature
of it all. the baby
bragging, the look at
me, look at me. please
look at me idea
of it all. so
don't poke me,
don't e mail me there,
don't tag me
in a stupid photo. I
still don't want to
go to the high school
reunion, jimmy, whoever
you are,
and no, I don't want
to be your friend
because we know someone
that we used to know.
if we are friends we'll
get together
and have dinner, and we
won't take a photo
of what we are eating,
where we are going,
and what we wore.
we will talk like human
beings, face to face.
remember those days?

lawn competition

you look out your window
and see how
wonderful your neighbor's
lawn looks.
green and lush, a golf
course without
the holes and flags,
the sand traps and rough.
then you look at yours.
at the bramble, the rusted
bikes and tires.
that old dodge dart
with the hood up
on the edge of the
driveway.
but you like your yard.
the weeds and what not.
this is not a competition.
and when you hear his
wife yelling at him for
not pruning the roses
or trimming the tree,
or for using too much
mulch along the path,
you smile and feel good
that you've done things
with your lawn in your
own thoughtful way.

the ding dong day

vote, please
vote, everyone says.
this election
will change everything.
be a good citizen
and vote.
you can't complain
if you don't.
our future is at
stake, our children's
future,
the world will be
a better place,
the sky will become
bluer, the sun
brighter.
vote, please come
down and make your
case. pull the lever,
then proudly wear
that flag sticker around
the whole
ding dong day.

going home

you leave
a trail of bread
crumbs
to find
your way home.
by the end
of the day, half
have been eaten
or tossed
around so that
you are no longer
on track
but lost
and knocking on
a stranger's door,
asking
for directions,
for help
to get you
where you need
to go. but it's
too late in
the day,
you have to start
over. you are
unafraid,
it's what you
do best.

retreating

frost
building his
wall
salinger his fence
still hearing
the mortars
going off,
the silent
monk
climbing
his perch
to hum out
his days,
garbo
without words,
to each
his own
goodbye to a world
gone sour
that must
be lived in,
finding a way
to retreat
and yet not
surrender.

bring lunch

they keep finding
planets
that might hold
life, that we
may be able to survive
on, if we bring
air food and water.
this world is
almost done,
so we'd better
get going, it's
only three thousand
light years
away. we could be
there in three
generations
if we leave now.
start packing,
i'll warm up
the ship. wear
something loose
and comfortable,
it could take awhile,
bring a lunch.

rodeo blues

you don't like
the rodeo. you don't
understand
it. why
the violence,
the tackling
and roping
of animals
for the joy
of others,
their dark eyes
full of fear.
it reminds you
too much of
people caught
and bound by their
own lives.
branded
and bullied into
pens
they want to
flee from.

as you left it

you leave home,
and return.
you leave home
again
the next day,
and once again
you come back
that evening.
this goes on
and on.
everything is always
just as you
left it.
the pillow
with your imprint,
the unlit candle
cold
in the window.
the mail still on
the floor
after falling
through the slot.
it wasn't always
this way though.
it's hard to decide
which is
better.

winter stew

the food cooking
on the stove
fills the room.
the meat
and onions,
potatoes,
carrots all
blending in a cloud
of warmth
and comfort.
it takes less
and less
to make you happy,
to keep
you coming back.
this stew
being one of them,
her arms
around you,
another.

the great wide lawn

with each
pass
of the lawn mower
the man
stops
to wipe his
brow.
the sun
high above
him. he checks
his watch,
the machine
still
on and churning,
then pushes
forward.
all afternoon
he criss crosses
his great
yard,
year into year.
the grass
never ending
it's cycle
of growth. his
wife looks
out the window
to watch
him. they've
always wanted
a lawn
like this,
and now they have
it, and it
them.

ice it down

your knee
makes a noise
when you get up
from reading
the paper,
or a book
for an hour
or so, it's
a slight crackling
sound, like
wood snapping
in a fire.
it hurts a little
at first,
but after a few
steps towards
the kitchen
it feels better.
sometimes you
take an ice cube
and rub it on
the place where it
hurts,
and other times
you put the ice
cube into a small
glass where you
pour vodka
on top of it before
heading back
to the couch.

the pin wheel

spin spin spin
this pin wheel
in a child's
small hand.
the red
thin plastic
whirring
like time itself,
the seconds
going by
turning into years.
spin spin spin
how quickly
this moment will
pass by.

down the road

like air
from a tire
punctured by a
random
nail
on the road
you are losing
air, slowly,
the tread
of you
softening
as you continue
down
the highway,
but you keep
going,
there are no
exits
you want to
take just yet,
maybe around
the next turn,
down the road,
but for now
you keep on
rolling,
you still
have time.

moderation

moderation
in all
things.
food drink
sex
and money.
perhaps.
love being
the exception.
forgiveness
and compassion
being others.
it's hard
being good,
harder still
being
moderate.

loretta's in the pool

a detective comes
to your house, he
has a boxer's nose,
you can see as you both
look through the peep
hole at the same time.
he knocks hard
and decisively, again
and again, on your door,
drowsily, you open it up,
peering out into
the early morning sun.
yes, you say, can I
help you. he holds out his
badge and identification,
i need to ask you a
few questions, he says,
pushing his way in,
sure you say, sure.
what? what questions?
can i sit, he says.
sure, you say, pointing
at the table. sit down.
i'm having coffee, care
for a cup. he takes his
hat off and sits
at the table,
black he says,
pulling out a folder
of photos.
you bring him his coffee
and sit down with him
at the table. what's this
all about, you ask
squinting over
the edge of your hot
cup. he slides the folder
in front of you,
showing you a large
glossy photo of a man
sleeping in a lounge
chair near a pool.
do you recognize this man,
you laugh, sure i do.
that's me. who took
this picture, it's me.
we can't find him, he
says. we've looked everywhere.
you laugh again. i'm him.
you found your man.
that's me in the picture.
we suspect foul play,
he says, so if you have
any information, please
feel free to tell us.
but i'm him, i am the guy
in the photo. don't you
see? we think a woman may
be involved, a brunette
with a scar on her cheek.
a tattoo of a rose on
her ankle. her name might
be loretta.
oh, yeah, i used to date
her. she tried to cut
me once with a steak knife
and once sprinkled rat
poison in my scrambled eggs.
crazy as a loon.
well, she's on the run too.
both of them. they may
have robbed a bank
together. look, you tell
him, that is me, and i'm
alive and i haven't seen
that woman in years. i would
never rob a bank, so let's
just quit this charade and
end this. i must ask you to
leave, I have to go to work.
you have a pool? he asks.
yes, out back. may i take
a look? sure, be my guest,
but then you have to leave,
unless you have a warrant.
I really have to get to work.
he walks over to the sliding
glass door and looks out
at the pool.
who's that floating
in the pool, he says, lighting
a cigarette. you rush over
and pull back the curtain.
i don't know, but it looks
like Loretta. what the hell?
we need to fish her
out, he says. get her
down to the lab.
go ahead son, go about your
day, go to work.
i'll have the boys come
in and comb the place for
prints and evidence. we
know where to find you.
i'm going to leave
a photo of this man
with you, and if you
see him, call me at
my number, here's my
card. the second you see
this man, call me, don't take
any chances, he's very
dangerous. you shake your head.
sure, you say, whatever.

she likes to move

she likes
to move.
packing her bags
and boxes.
marking each one,
kitchen,
or bedroom,
storage,
or attic.
she stands at
the window
and quietly says
goodbye.
every year she
finds a new
place to live.
to sleep
and eat, and
worry.
it keeps her
interested
in the world,
the constant of
change,
of hope that
the next place will
be the one.

accepting rain

you like people
who can ignore
and accept
the rain.
they take no
shelter
as it falls
and soaks
them to the bone.
there is no
hurry in their
footsteps,
no seeking shelter
in front
of a store,
they keep walking,
hands in
their pockets,
to where they need
to be,
rain, shine, it's
all the same
to them. you like
that in a person.

a poem for you

you bite
into my poem
and blood
runs down
the corners
of your mouth.
you toss it
back and forth,
breaking
its will.
shaking the life
out of it.
you want to
know what hides
inside,
is it empty,
or full of more
thoughtless
lies.
you chew the corners
from the page,
tossing
the shreds
up into the air.
you turn my
hurried
art into
confetti, unhappy
with
the words
I slaved over
for three
minutes.

the good book

the thick
book comforts you.
slowly
turning each
page,
not wanting it
to end too
soon.
you want to savor
the middle,
the beginning
and end.
it waits for
you
at the end of
a day.
on the night stand,
next to
the lamp.
in reaching
distance
for your tired
hand.

down goes svetlana

you have no
money, she tells you
in a long
broken English
e mail.
you imagine her
sitting
with a white
poodle in her lap,
staring out
the window
of her country
estate, looking
lovingly
at her black
Mercedes sports
car. you are short
and bald too
and you don't
know how
to please a woman.
I can no
longer see you.
I am, how you
say, breaking up
with you
and your silly
ways. I want a man
in my life,
not a boy
playing boy games.
you are a smart
aleck, is that
the term? and
a child, do not
communicate with me
any further.
goodbye. and one
more thing, you left
your shoes here,
which I will throw
away, since they are
unpolished, cheap
and old like you.

they may have been canadian

they were nice people,
almost too nice.
in fact they may have
been Canadian.
with them they carried
small maple leaf
shaped bottles full
of syrup. have one,
they'd say, pulling
out the amber, thick
glassed bottle
from a suitcase. on
us, have some syrup,
try some on a pancake
today. they were nice
people, tough and
weather worn, but
gentle too.
they may have been
the nicest people
you've ever met
at a train station
in new York city.
they may have been
Canadian. you
hoped that they
wouldn't stay too
long and be ruined
by the likes of you.

good to be home

clinking
keys
in the night,
tossed into
the green
bowl,
the door
lock turned,
the grumble
of the furnace
as its
small fire
bumps on
and roars.
the kettle
boils,
the turn
of a crisp
page
in a new book
you can't
wait to get to.
good to be home.
such as it
is.
without an
unnatural sound.

the easter bunny

once when you were a child,
maybe ten or eleven
years of age, you were
at an easter picnic
with other children
and families. you were
in a park, with trees,
and a wide dark river
nearby. the sky was blue
as skies can be
at the time of year.
it was a pleasant day.
neither cold or hot.
out of nowhere a car
load of young men swung
their car around
the circle and yelled
out to us. The easter bunny
is queer, one man said,
sitting on the edge
of the window. he was
pale with slicked
black hair. a cigarette
was tight in his lips
and you could see a beer
can in his hand.
they circled several times
honking their horn
until several of the fathers
together marched towards
them, rolling up
their sleeves. the young
men drove off, laughing
hysterically. hooligans
your mother said, hands
on her hips, shaking her
starched stiff hair. there was
to be an easter egg
hunt at some point.
a game of tag perhaps,
cake and ice cream.
baskets of candy in
colored celluloid paper.
but you remember most
that day,
hearing those words,
they've never left you.
the easter bunny is queer.
perhaps it wasn't about
sex at all, maybe the young
man meant
that the bunny was odd,
or different. quirky
in some way perhaps.
you knew he didn't
even exist anyway, so why
be bothered, you tried
to reason it all out
with your ten year old
logic. in fact. why did he
exist at all, representing
the resurrection of
the savior of the world
from a horrible death.
how did a rabbit sneaking
into houses leaving candy,
and colored eggs, jelly
beans somehow become part
of this event. and now,
he might be queer,
whatever that meant.
your head rushed with ideas,
confusion, a maelstrom
of insecurity made you
squint your eyes and caused
you to lose interest in
searching through the thick
green grass and in the hollows
of leafless trees,
for hidden eggs.

oh, that's funny

she doesn't laugh
at your lame attempt
at jokes.
instead she says
quietly,
oh, that's funny,
keeping a straight
face. she's a tough
crowd. so,
your goal in life
now is to make
her laugh,
not a guffaw, or
a mere chuckle,
no smirk will do.
you don't want
a giggle either,
or a broad, teeth
baring smile, no.
you want tears
in her eyes, a laugh
from deep within
her, a laugh that
will bend her
over and make milk
squirt out of her
nose, or for food
to leap from her
mouth. you want that
kind of laugh
you've got work to do
with this one.

happy holidays

we are done as friends
she says.
brushing her
hair in the mirror,
applying lipstick.
don't talk to me
anymore. I don't love
you and never have.
I've pretended all
these years. our
marriage is a sham,
a mockery of a sham,
a mistake
that never should have
happened. you make
me ill just looking
at you. what? did
you say something?
have you seen my green
Christmas tie, you
ask, as you rummage
through the closet
on your hands and knees.
I wear it every
year to the party,
but I can't find it.
it's red with little
snowflakes on it.

stretch pants

preparing for the holidays
you go online
to find
the stretch pants
with the elastic
waist band. not
exactly one size
fits all, but
close. some even
have a little draw
string in the front,
while others have
a built in belt
with varying degrees
of notches, all
depending on if you
have that second or
third helping
come thanksgiving.
there are festive
colors too, but
you prefer black
or brown, or
even a rustic
orange color, keeping
the gravy stains
hidden, as well as
the pumpkin pie
filling that
inevitably falls
into your widening
lap.

the last day

the you lick
the last
day of the month
like the corner
of a final
page in a chapter
in a book
that seems
to have
no true reason
to end
or start
again, but it
does go on.
even when you
are asleep
the calendar
turns, the story
moves forward,
for better
or for worse,
and you know
your part so well.

it's all fiction

it's all fiction
every word of it,
the writer claims
as he turns another
page over
to his editor
for publication.
no one in this story
is real, or has
ever said the words
spoken. no love has been
made, no hatred
stirred, the plot
is untrue. the heroine
does not exist.
the hero is a wish,
the villains are all
people that I never
knew. it's all
fiction, every word
of it, i promise,
even what i said
about you.

confetti days

throw
your confetti
into
the air.
despite the rain,
the forecast
of doubt
and undoing.
set
off your
fireworks
and be bold
with
your days,
even more
so with those
fleeting
nights,
don't pass
on
the next chance
at
wonder
or happiness
or love.
blow that horn.
throw your
confetti
into the air
and live.

broken things

the broken
things come
easily.
the bones,
the table
leg,
the faucet
rusted
in your hand,
the broken
belt
of the vacuum,
spinning
madly.
hearts of
course.
the streets
are littered
with those.
promises
and vows,
empty and
limp like
popped balloons.
the cracked
pipe
from
the first
winter freeze.
your tooth on
a candy
apple.

an ordinary life

what simple
task
is last
that we do
before
our lives
slip away.
the paper read
perhaps,
or the trash
set near
the curb.
the dog walked,
the lights
turned
out before
going up
the stairs
and saying
good night
to someone
in another room.
what ordinary
lives
we lead
with ordinary
endings,
we hope.

moon beams in a jar

inventive
and romantic,
the blue eyed
child
holds
the jar up
to the window
as the hunter
moon
beams yellow
across
the patches
of wet fields.
i'm catching
moon beams
she says, so
that I will
have them later,
for whenever
I want,
thinking
that love too
will be
so easy.

she cast no shadow

she cast
no shadow.
darkness never does.
she was most
happy
was when she
was sad
and lonely
aching
for what she
never had.
she was hard
to be around
for very
long. digging
her nails
into your skin
and asking
does that
hurt, and if
so you have no
idea what pain
really is,
or I am,
or where
I've ever been.

an entire life

you see
the fish
golden
under the clear
water.
bending
in the light
flags of color
swimming
their entire
life. hard to
imagine
such a thing
you think
and they too
glaring
up with flat
black eyes
think the same
of you.

on the other side

the dead
don't talk
or whisper
or sing
or provide
a clue to let
you know what
lies on
the other side.
that is left
up to me,
to you.
is there happiness
and joy,
are memories
part of
the new vine
growing
beyond the grave,
or is that a wish
that we have,
wanting
death not
to be darkness
but hold
light, and be
kind.

the coin flip

they knock
at the door,
they call
your lonely
land line,
young republicans
or
democrats
pleasantly
asking who
will you vote
for.
and you tell
them, you aren't
sure
anymore,
you haven't flipped
that coin
quite yet
to pick
the lesser of
two evils.

the shoe sale

near ten a.m.
you see two
well dressed
women fighting
for a parking
spot
in the store
garage,
fists are hurled
while strollers
sit nearby,
pocket books
set aside.
hair is pulled
and names
are called
while
their cars
sit idling
with lights
on, music playing
loudly
from their open
doors.
it's a once
a year sale,
after all.

there are days

there are days
when the world seems
tired.
when the sun
hangs heavy
with thin light.
and the low
mountains
in the distance
are bruises
against the wash
of yellow.
the trains run
slow, the birds
sit still,
black pinwheels
on the wires,
the people are
hunched over
moving towards
destinations
to them,
only known.

used book store

the shelves lean
and bend
with the weight
of books.
you can smell
not ink, but
dust, some
leather too,
old books,
once proud
best sellers now
with torn covers
and pages wilted
from being wet,
read
in tubs filled
with hot water,
or beds
at night before
the lights
go off,
turned so
many times,
dog eared
on favorite
pages, some
with names written
on the inside
cover, like shelly
1967, with
a heart in red
drawn in
with her
name, a plus
sign, and jim.
all of them marked
down, stacked
in small towers
awaiting
new eyes, or
old ones
coming back once
more,
for another read.

the big store

these Christmas
blues
come early
as silent night
holy
night
plays over
and over
in the stadium
sized store
where you
buy your
boxed
wine and
pound of cheese.
the garlands
swing green
and gold
over the radial
tires,
and knit sweaters,
boots
for you and me.
strings of blinking
lights
stretch around
the rafters
where birds still
fly
and the unshrunken
elves
frying pork bites
for tasting
are too jolly
for any season
or savior's birth
on this seventy
degree October
night.

wonder bread

i'm saving myself
for marriage,
she tells you
while throwing
broken pieces
of wonder bread
to the squawking
ducks. again?
you ask, weren't
you already married,
once or twice.
why save yourself
now, have some fun.
they don't count,
she says, whistling
to make the ducks
swim closer. the pope
annulled both
of them, so I am
free and clear,
virtually a virgin
once again with a
clean slate. oh,
so, he erased
your past, just
like that? that's
right, she says.
and he can do
the same for you
if you want.
very well, you say.
let me work on
my list and i'll
get it to him
pronto. I could
use a fresh start
too.

for sale

the woman
next door, despite
the years
of living
beside you
separated by
a mere wall
is unknown
as you are to her.
the small hesitant
wave
as you come
and go about
your silent lives,
no smile
across her face,
busy
always, with
something in
her hand.
waiting for
a moment to slip
inside
without words
between you,
and when you see
the sign
go up, for sale,
you realize
how you'll miss
not knowing
her.

small pieces

your torn
sleeve and broken
lace,
the button
spinning
like a clear
star
across the floor.
are small
reminders
of ourselves,
falling apart
in small
pieces, perhaps
towards a more
whole cloth,
we hope.

one station

some get there
before you,
arriving unexpectedly
at the gate,
their ticket
punched,
their bags
left behind.
they arrive to
what?
it's all uncertain
no matter
what you've
kneeled
and prayed to.
but all trains
come
eventually
to one station,
each to his
own ticket,
his own time,
the veil lifted
from travelers,
blind.

come rain or shine

you like
to write your
checks
with an ink pen,
putting
the payment amount
in the given
box,
sliding
the paper slips
into
envelopes
with a stamp
on one corner
and a return
address, yours
on the other.
call it old school,
old
fashioned,
crazy, if you
must, but it's
what you like
to do.
you like the mystery
of the mail.
and seeing
the postman
coming up
the street
with his worn
leather bag,
come rain or shine.

a hard rain

the next
war may save
the world.
stopping industry
in its tracks.
keeping
oil in the ground,
depleting
the planet
of people.
strange to think
that something
so horrific
could actually
be in the long
run, the best
solution
for those
that remain.
back to planting
seeds
in the ground
by hand,
as it once was,
waiting
blissfully
for nothing more
than a hard
rain.

making love

she liked
to tap
and wiggle
her foot
to the music
playing on
the nightstand,
and chew
gum
while you
made love.
she was a
multi-
tasker,
talking
about how
the laundry
needed
to be put
into
the dryer,
and how
the cat
may need to go
to the vet.
there was
chicken
defrosting
in the sink.
at some
point, she
would make
eye contact
and say, hey,
are you almost
done.

the pumpkin patch

it won't be long,
one pumpkin
says to the other
sitting plump
and orange
in the cold field
still attached
to the wiry
vine. they'll be
coming soon take
us. to set us on
their porches.
ghoulish faces
carved into
our skin, our seeds
and guts tossed
aside for a candle
to burn. then
the hooligans
with their bats
smashing us
into smithereens.
I hate that band
one pumpkin says,
and the whole patch
sighs. all year
we are ignored
one says, but better
I guess,
to be loved once
than to always
be denied.

comparing scars

her one leg
had a deep scar,
almost a fleshy
ravine in it,
running
down the thigh
bone.
motorcycle,
she says, seeing
you staring
at the straight
line with dotted
stitches
the color
of a white fish.
pass me
the ketchup
she says, then
makes a red
patterned grid
on top
of her egg omelet.
do you have any
scars, she
says, before
taking a bite
of her breakfast.
yes, you say,
holding out your
thumb.
crab claw got me,
couldn't shake
it off.

sugar and salt

the world
has decided to
not let us be
bored with ourselves
anymore.
contemplating
one's navel
is over.
that ancient
steam train has
left the station.
we have gone
electric
attached to nerve
center
and pulse
of what sells.
information
once ignored
as trivial
and pointless
can't be
ignored anymore.
our eyelids
are raised open
with pins
like in clockwork
orange.
nonsense is
shoveled down
our collective
throats,
saturating our
brains, filling
us with the worlds
sugar and salt,
always teasing us
with more, leaving
us empty
and full at the same
time.

the argument

the argument
of old friends,
fueled
by rum and coke,
split green
limes
with cubes
of ice
in small
tumblers, goes
nowhere fast.
history
is obliterated
when points
are made.
fiction becomes
fact.
the room spins
with animosity,
as each
one hacks off
the sentence
of whoever's
speaking.
you wonder why
you came
and how do you
leave gracefully
before being
dragged in.

67 chevy

we are all
vain,
taking pride
in what
we do,
or own,
worried
at how we look.
even
the monk
on top of the
mountain
praying
in the wind
has on clean
clothes
and a beard
that's
neatly trimmed,
so don't say
a word
to me about it,
as I polish
the chrome
bumper on this
old sweet
ride of a car
before cruising
slowly
towards
the sun.

the photo box

the photo box
sits
with crumbled
memories
in the basement.
bright
sunny
pictures of
happier days,
when kids
were young,
when we were
young.
when the furniture
was new
and a shiny dog
sat on the sill
barking
out
the window.

home made

your appetite
for food
has never decreased
over the years,
home made and hot,
something that satisfies
your hunger.
your tastes have
not changed much.
you'll sit down
and give
any meal a chance,
at least once,
and the same goes
for love
and affection.

dear sylvia, or occupant

dear sylvia
or occupant,
the envelope
reads,
we love you and want
you to come
back to our
flock.
how long has it
been since
you last attended
church.
we are your
friends. we are
here for you,
we want
to comfort you
in your times of
trouble
and sorrow.
we miss your voice
in the sunday
choir
and how you made
those pancakes
on Saturday
morning
before bible study,
dear Sylvia,
or occupant, come
back and be a part
of our team.
we love you
and miss you dearly.
if you can't make
it we are enclosing
a stamped return
envelope for any
contribution
that you can give.
bless you Sylvia,
or occupant.

nine cats

you now
know nine
people with
the name of cat.
it makes
it confusing
to have them
listed in your
phone.
so you have
to be more
specific,
delineating
each as a
type.
maine coon,
Siamese,
tabby
and tom, Persian
and stray.
alley and felix,
bobtail,
and then
there's frisky,
your favorite
cat.

the mountain

when I climbed
mount Everest, she
says,
flexing her passport
in front
of you,
I almost didn't
make it.
we were nearly out
of air
and the sherpas
were not as strong
as they were
the year
before.
I had one granola
bar left
and my power
water
was down to a
single gallon.
it's really hard
to talk on
your phone, let
alone text, she
says,
and the view, if
it's cloudy,
which it was that
day ruined
the view, plus
I had forgotten
my good
camera, so I had
to send someone
back down
to fetch it.

model airplane

the glue
of us
is mostly
applied
by you.
finding
points
of breaking
you squeeze
out another
drop
of affection
to keep
the wings
on,
the wheels
tightly
fastened
below.
each door
or window
you oil
to let the light
in when
light
is needed.
where as I
like to throw
it all
into the air,
and see
how far
it goes.

the feast

it is better
to over cook,
having more
than enough
for everyone
at the table, no
one should
leave hungry,
as it is with
love, when you
find it, empty
the cupboards,
defrost everything
in the ice box,
turn all
the burners
and let the feast
begin.

it still works

shivering
in your bed
you give in
and turn the heat on
for the first
time this season.
a musty draft
warms the air.
the ancient furnace
circa 1968,
clanks loudly,
then
cranks on,
it hums
with flames
and gas behind
the olive green
sheets of
metal. it still
works.
still gets it
done, which
is what you hope
others
will think of
you, as well.

insurance

much of what
you worry about
will never happen,
you realize
this, but it
doesn't stop
you from going
through your
list of what ifs.
turning the pillow
over in
the black of night,
listening
to the wind
move branches
against
the house, wondering
if it will
fall.
the world is at
your door
and in your pocket
for insurance,
asking to protect
your for the what
ifs that never
happen, but could.

the rash

your doctor,
who might be twelve
or thirteen,
examining a rash
on your arm,
says in a high
pitched squeaky voice
have you
been around
anything toxic
lately
and you quickly
reply, no,
I've been divorced
for quite a while
he doesn't laugh
but taps you on
the knee
making you
swing your leg
forward
as if it had
a mind of its
own.

each wave

each wave
a new day
each grain
of sand
a life,
each sunrise
another chance
to get
things right.
maybe
tomorrow.

traffic jam

lately you are
an impatient
person who does
not like to wait
in line
for anything.
traffic annoys
you,
the cones
and signs, the
detours,
the cops
with their
blue lights flashing.
you imagine
having a plow
on the front
of your car
and going forward
clearing
the road ahead.
pushing forward
to your destination
leaving
the debris of
others behind.
you need coffee.
you need
a good nights sleep.
you need
a vacation.

chicken dinner

you defrost
an age old
chicken from
the freezer
and throw it into
the oven
salt, butter,
pepper,
a quick
spackling
upon it's
goosebumped
skin.
you look at
the clock
on the wall,
the one
on the microwave,
the radio clock,
the phone,
you look at the sun,
going down
over the trees
and figure
out as best
you can when
to flip
the chicken,
baste it again,
then when to pull
it out. you almost give
up though under
the pressure and
call for a pizza,
but no. you have to
get this chicken out
of the house,
and be done
with it.

lost in the wind

you hear
through the thinning
grape vine
that is
your own
that one of you
is ill,
about to die,
or that someone
has passed
on.
one of your own
being
of your age,
perhaps your school,
a lover
or a friend
who, not unlike
you, got lost
in the wind,
but not forgotten.
you are glad
though for the memory
of when
they were young
and strong,
full of life,
with so many years
before them.
you are glad in
a vague way
to not have known
them towards
their end, or seen
the suffering that
time and age
will bring upon
us all.

the fast cold field

the cold seats
on
the steel bleachers
your thin
jacket
is not
enough to keep
out
the wind
of late
October
and as the boys
run
across
the green wet
field
under the white
lights
of their
youth, you remember
too
when your son
was out there
on the field,
what was it,
a thousand years
ago, or
more when he
waved
and smiled
as he sped past
you.

june bug

she liked
say things like
if i lived
closer
i'd be all over you
like a chicken on
a june bug.
the visual caused
you to make
a buzzing
sound, vibrating
your lips together
like a june bug
might,
whatever they
are, just in
case she did
come to visit.

white shirt and blue tie

free will,
you think have it,
but you
don't.
your parents saw
to that at
an early age,
schools
and church
reinforced
the system of
proper
behavior. but if
you really did
have free will,
what would you
do. what would
you change?
would you live
in a different
place, would
you have married
a different
person,
would you be in
the job you have
now, sitting
here at this
desk in front
of windows
that don't open.
would you be
wearing this shirt,
starched white
with a safe
blue tie.

mystery food

it could be fish,
or it could be
meat of some sort,
chicken perhaps,
or a cut
of steak
half eaten.
or it might
be cheese,
a lump
of blue cheese
or gouda
that never
made it to
a crackers face.
or a chocolate
easter
bunny from last
year that
you somehow
forgot to eat.
it could be
anything
beneath the crunched
up foil, stuck
in the siberian
portion
of your refrigerator,
but you might have
to do more than
smell it to find
out, perhaps
later when
you have more time
you'll peel
back the edges
and take a peek.

the orbit

the orbit
of me
is getting
closer
as the gravity
of you
pulls me in.
i'm not sure
if it will
be a soft
landing
or a firey
one, but
just the same
i'm falling
towards you
in a dizzy
spin.

your place

your place
in the world
fills
a void
where others
once
lived, or
worked,
or made love.
and when
you depart
the space
will be
filled again
by others,
some not
yet born,
and in this
way
the world
moves on
as it must.

crime wave

if you stuck
gum
into the coin
return
slot of a
corner telephone
in 1966
you could
trap
a few nickles
and dimes
by the end
of the day.
and that red
round
shouldered
coke machine,
sweating
in the corner,
it too,
could be of
use to a boy
with long
skinny arms,
reaching up
until the feel
of a glass
bottle hit
his hand
and slipped
it out.

whose shoes are these

whose shoes
are these,
black with laces
untied, left
in the gutter
for all
to find.
what feet
left them here
last night.
to be found
this morning
empty except
for the rising
sun with its
soft yellow
light.
what legs gave
weight and
moved them down
the pavement
before being
slipped off
along the side
of this road.
whose shoes are
these, and why.

they know me

they know me
at the pharmacy,
the old
woman says,
holding a small
dog in her arms,
his white face
streaked
with brown tears.
it's closed now,
she says, peering
into the hollowed
room of empty shelves.
they always had
my order ready,
they knew my name.
what now, she says.
everything has
changed. they
knew my name.
do you know
where I can have
my prescription
filled? she asks,
holding out
the wrinkled slip
of paper rippled
by wind and time.

the lesser american novel

everyone believes that
they have a book in them.
a tale
of unbelievable
circumstances
with a complex
plot full of
colorful characters
and cliff hanging
moments. love
and death, sex
and hate. exotic
locations with
heart strings tugged
all along the way.
there is evil
and good battling
for one's soul.
financial ruin,
financial windfalls.
it's the great
American novel.
not so. most books
are thin,
and short, they
have stayed at
the wheel of their
lives and did only
the things that
were right, which
is a boring read
to be sure, but
refreshing and good
to have on the shelf
just the same.

the visit

he had
snow in his
hair.
his bones were
lean
and showing
the bend
of age.
his once clear
eyes
were muddled
blue
with memory,
but
the twinkle
of a smile
eased
through
and made you
know that he
was still
inside there,
somewhere.

the blockbuster movie

the movie
is long and tedious.
the acting
phoned in,
you can see
the beginning
middle and end
within
the first ten
minutes.
you need toothpicks
to hold your
eyelids open.
people are
laughing at
the sad parts,
mimicking
the dialogue.
you want to get
up and leave
but you
can't.
you have a giant
box of buttered
popcorn
in your lap
and a liter
of coke
leaning
in the cup holder
sweating
in your hand.
you haven't
opened up
the twelve dollar
bag of candy
yet.

the error of your ways

when you were young
and foolish,
last year,
you were careless
with your words,
spoke boldly
about what your
desires were,
your fears.
but not anymore.
you are a clam
now, burrowed
in the sand,
unpicked by the gulls
who fly above
you, unable to
get to the meat
of who you are,
but this too will
change as you
realize the error
of your ways
once more.

it's something else

it's no
longer money.
it's something else.
being
wanted,
perhaps, that
gets you out
of bed
and pushes you
towards
this thing called
work.
you have
enough forks
and knives
and places to
sit at the end
of the day.
how many cars
can you
drive.
how many clothes
can you
put into
your closet
without wearing
them.
you have enough.
gathering
more of anything
is no longer part
of it.
it's something
else, it's
beyond you,
you think as you
rise and
go.

moving leaves

a gaggle
of central
american
astronauts with
their loud
churning
jet packs
strapped
to their backs
are blowing
single leaves
across
the barren
stretch of
parking lot.
they use hand
singles
in the deep space
of this
foreign
planet of falling
leaves,
of small patches
of grass
that need
cutting, to
communicate
when each leaf
is in a good
place to be.
they like the sound
of their
machines.
it soothes
the air, makes
it hard
to be misunderstood,
or to listen
to what isn't.

jimmy and the whale

what kind of whale is
that, you ask
your friend betty as
you walk the shoreline
along the atlantic ocean.
don't know, she says.
blue whale maybe?
white whale, sperm
whale? there are so
many. it looks lost,
or stuck or something
and is making
a high pitched squeaky
noise. she puts her
hands over her ears
but spills the cherry
juice out of her
sno-cone that she's carrying.
it trickles down
the front of her
white bathing suit.
oh hell, she says.
I have to go back
and change now.
look at me! but
let's look at this whale
first, you tell her,
approaching
the giant beast washed
upon the shore.
his eyes are blinking
and occasionally he
shoots water out of the
top of his blow hole.
maybe we can push him
back in, you tell her,
digging your feet
into the sand
and shoving with
all your might
on his nose. i'm going
back, betty says.
I can't push that whale
with this juice all
over my suit. i'll be
back later. i'll put
on my yoga shoes
for traction, be careful,
those things have
teeth, she says.
don't let him bite
you, or worse swallow
you like that guy in
the bible, Jacob, or
jimmy, or something
like that. Jonah, you
yell back as she
scurries down the beach
covering up her suit
where the cherry juice
spilled. you pat the whale
on the nose and shake
your head. bad day,
eh? you tell him.

liver

liver
lima beans.
kidney beans,
in fact
most beans
but coffee
beans.
pea soup.
long
lectures
or speeches
or sermons,
black ice,
hospitals,
hospital
gowns
needles.
snakes.
poems about
things
you don't like.

borrowed scissors

borrowed
scissors on
the table
gleam
in the soft
light
from the kitchen
window.
they are pink
as only a pretty
girl would choose.
they want
to go home,
but
you can't part
with them
just yet.
there are
ribbons to
cut, paper
to trim as
you wrap her
a gift for letting
you borrow
them.

even the cows knew

you find out
through whispered
secrets
on cold death beds
that your last name
is not really your last
name.
your father's mother
had a little
fling in 1928
that resulted in
your father being
born. everyone
suspected what the truth
was.
he looked exactly
like a man
in another town,
not like her husband.
it was scandalous
and the gossip
spread like
wild fire
across each farm
land fence,
the words
blowing across
the acres of corn
and wheat throughout
the years. even
the cows lifted
their bent
ears in amusement,
nodding to
one another what
they always knew.

when she's blue

she likes
to wear her blue
dress
when she's
feeling blue
and not quite
right.
it's a rain
cloud blue,
almost
a purple
hue. it doesn't
match her
eyes, or
her shoes.
you know when
you see her
wearing it,
to stay back,
be quiet
and aloof, don't
even try
to comfort her,
or kiss
her.
she's blue
and not taking
calls
from anyone,
not even you.

cat scratch fever

you pick up
a stray cat
in the alley.
it's on top
of a trash can
licking
the bones of
a dead fish
behind
legal seafood
restaurant.
it's a cute
cat, but
it turns on
you protecting
it's find. it
unleashes it's
sharp claws
and scratches
your arm.
you fear that you
may get a case
of cat
scratch fever.
your arm
itches and bleeds
all day
making people
point and say
what happened.
a cat
scratched me
you tell them.
but worse is
the song that keeps
going through
your head.
ted nugent screaming
out the lyrics.
you can't get
it out of your mind.

pixels and chips

each generation
erases
the last.
slowly
re inventing
each wheel,
believing
that music
and sex was
their idea.
this new one
relies on
pixels
and chips,
their
genius
being wasted
on
another
telephone,
then another,
and
another,
hopelessly
endless.

the book of dreams

you buy a book
on dreams,
what they mean,
the possible
implications
involving your
life, how
each dream
could reflect
the direction
your life is taking.
it suggests
that dreaming
of water
may mean that
you have to go
to the bathroom.
it was a cheap
book stacked
by the carts
near the front
door, marked
down for a quick
sale.

the pope dot com

i don't know what's wrong
we me, i'm a binge eater,
your friend sylvia
tells you as you both
sit on her stone
patio. she has a bag
of lays ripple
potato chips
in her lap and is
eating them one
after the other.
there are crumbs
on her black blouse
and small birds are
circling, landing
near her feet.
I binge eat, I binge
drink, I binge date.
what's wrong with
me? i'm willing to be
helped. please tell me
something, you are so
wise and smart.
you hate when
she asks you these
impossible to answer
questions. she
leans the open family
sized bag towards you,
but you nod your head
no. not without
onion dip you tell
her. yes! I wish we had
some, she says. should
we run up to the store
and get some. there's
a 7 11 five minutes
from here.
no, she says suddenly,
stamping her flip flops
onto the stone deck
chasing the sparrows away.
no, what's wrong with
me. I need a doctor
don't I know? if I had
that onion dip
i'd scoop every last
glob of dip out
of that plastic
carton and lick
what I couldn't get to.
I want to be good, she
says. I so want to be
good. I think this is
what Paul in the bible
talks about. right?
maybe I need an exorcism.
the devil is possessing
me. well, might be
worth a shot, why don't
you shoot an e mail
off to the pope tonight
and see what he can do.
I think there's a special
on exorcisms this month
on account of Halloween.
great idea, she says,
turning the bag up
to have the last of the
chip crumbs roll into
her open mouth.
I could just google him
right? pope.com?

stuffed duck

you ask the snobby
waiter for
a bottle of ketchup
to dip your duck
in. the duck is stuffed
with plums and snails
and surpisingly not
too bad, but it
needs a little ketchup
to make it just right.
the waiter sends the manager
over, who runs across
the room to slap
you across the face
with his white glove.
you are in france
and you do not know
their customs. he tells
you to leave, to go now
you stupid American.
he points towards
the door making the crowd
of diners stand up
and clap with approval.
you put your baseball
cap on and say, i'm
leaving frenchie,
no problem, but wrap
up that duck to go. he
says non, non,
and sets the plate
on the floor where
a dog walks up
to eat what's left.
now go, he says,
smoothing out his
greasy black mustache.
go back to your ketchup
country and never
come back.

the duck

a duck
walks up to you
and shakes
his feathers,
water
spritzes everywhere.
you feel
like he's trying
to tell something,
but you
are too busy
worrying
about an issue
you have no control
over. like
your mother
and how she sometimes
says things
to hurt your
feelings
without even
trying.

sympathy cards

you get a job
at the hallmark
card factory
where you sit
in a cubicle
and write sappy
sentimental
lines to fit
the moment.
untimely deaths.
illnesses.
pets dying.
disasters of
all sorts that
may befall any
of us, given time
and bad luck.
you think that
the job is going
to be easy, but
it's not.
you struggle
the entire day
then finally come up
with,
sorry your dog
died, hope you
find another as much
fun as the other one,
and that he
last longer.
perhaps walk him
on a leash
next time.
too harsh your
new boss says,
handing you a
stack of petunia
covered sympathy
cards all with
the heading, sorry
for your loss.
sorry, that your bird
died. where are
you possibly going
to find another
bird, you write
on the next card.
your boss shakes his
head. what about
love, he says,
maybe you should
be in the love
department. sweet, you
tell him. I know
love like the back
of my hand. we'll see,
he says and takes
the sympathy cards
away.

namaste brother

your yoga instructor
angelica
sees you in
the back row
struggling
to do the
praying mantis
pose and stops
the class.
have you been
drinking, she
shouts out
in her non
yoga voice.
wobbling on one
leg, your
head held
high in the air,
you stretch
out your arms,
flapping them like
a large bird,
and say, maybe.
well, I told
you before, no
drinking before
class.
I just had one
you tell her,
no big deal. one
martini is not
going to stop me.
I can do this.
come up front she
says. now.
she is sister
Mary Margret
at St. Thomas Moore.
berating me, about
to beat my knuckles
with a stick.
no, you, tell her.
I like the view from
here. this makes
the entire class
of women groan,
you being the only
man in the room,
except for Irvin
who is in
the front row already
and is doing
the downward dog
while this goes on.
pick up your yoga
mat and come up
here she says.
no, you tell her again.
which makes her rush
back to get in your face
with her fist
curled. how about
I kick your drunk
butt in front of
everyone, she says,
bouncing around.
I take kickboxing too,
she says. you don't
want to mess with me.
you know, you are pretty
cute when your angry,
you tell her, pulling
up your yoga pants
as far as they will go.
when you awaken
the room is empty,
there is a knot on
your head
and someone has poured
out all of your spring
water upon your
face. Namaste.

courage

your dog
decides to run
away one
day. no note.
no message
left
on the fridge.
no dog bones
spelling out
what's up on your
pillow.
no farewell
bark.
he just leaves.
dropping his
his chain
and collar
on the floor
and goes
out the door,
over the fence
to his
new life,
to a world
without me.
you admire
his courage
and wish you
could do the same
sometimes.

what's that smell

you are very
accepting
of most people.
you'd like to think
that you have evolved
into a kind
and compassionate
person. live and let
live, you often say.
quoting a well worn
cliche. and you are
that way for the most
part, that is until you
run across someone
that smells really
bad. if that's
the case then
you are very
judgmental and want
to get away from them
as quickly as possible.
suddenly you attach all
sorts of unspoken
bad qualities to them.
you want them
to understand
what soap can do,
explain gently how a bar
of deodorant can
change their
lives for the good.
but you don't like
to interfere
with other people's
lives and so
you say nothing, you
throw up a window
and pinch your
nose until you
can get out of there.
you are trying to be
so good, but sometimes
it's difficult.