lying on the internet? no way

I can't remember how old I am
anymore.

I've put down so many different ages
over the years
on dating sites.

lied through my teeth about height
and weight.

the number of marriages, kids and money.

i'm actually an 80 year old man in solitary
confinement
in prison for

embezzling funds
from senior citizens. maybe.

i'm a doctor, a lawyer, I take
care of animals at the zoo.
i'm all about family.

I love babies and kittens
and cuddling. I can't wait
to meet your children.

my photos are air brushed.
all of them glamor shots from jc penny's.
i'm a Rhodes scholar.
i'm a barker at the carnival.

I can sell ice to the eskimos.

I have four or five different names,
all with a passport.

I'm wanted by the police, I am the police.

i'm Italian, French and from new jersey
half the time. I know people.

I own a liquor store, I have a white
Cadillac and a boat the size of the president's
ego.

i'm rich. I wear a toupee. I've had
plastic surgery and a tummy
tuck.

my wife is dead, but not literally.

i'm from Nigeria and want to borrow money.
i'm a fourteen year old boy
in my mother's basement with the door
closed.

I cry at movies on the hallmark
channel. I've been a vegetarian for
three days now. we're so alike.

i'm a cowboy, a gambler, a senator
from North Dakota.

my face belongs to someone else these
days.

you can call me johnny, or joe,
or jim,
or jack, or even marge, as I was
at one stage. I couldn't decide.

I like to dress up in women's clothing
when the weather's nice.

but I box too. marital arts and
karate. i'm catholic, budhhist, i'm
a converted jew.

I have only one tattoo
which covers my entire back, but
I've left room for you.

I like to cook. I own a restaurant.
I just got back from paris and before that
I was an astronaut
going to the moon.

some of this is a lie, some of it
is true. it's the internet, come on,

lying is what we do.