spiritual books

i dive
into another one of Henri
Nouwen's
depressing
takes on spirituality.
the joy is flattened
with guilt
and sin, with remorse,
regret and
depression. at times
it's brutal
and dark.
a sunless field of grey.
you can feel his wounds
bleed,
see the bruised heart,
his conflicting
faith,
not matching his desires.
his unflinching commitment
to the catholic
faith, despite so much
he doesn't agree with.
it's a hard read,
one I seldom go back to
anymore,
quickly putting it
down, skimming the pages,
finding little
in relief.