impeachment

I come home from work and the trashcan
is knocked over.
the big bag is ripped wide open
spilling garbage all over the house.

I look over at my dog sitting on the couch
looking out the window.
he turns and looks at me and says
with a shrug, what?

problem?

yes, I tell him, there's trash all
over the house and you did it.
you're supposed to be protecting me,
not destroying the place.

he shakes his head and laughs.
me? i have no idea what you're
talking about. prove it, he says.

the neighbor said she heard you
throwing chicken bones all over
the house.

the mail man too, he said when he
put the mail through the slot, he
heard you ripping open boxes
and bags, digging through the garbage.

hearsay, he says, who are these people?
I don't know them.

I talked to other dogs in the neighbor
hood, and they said, you're always
digging into the trash bags
when they're out on the curb.

it's what you do, who you are.
you are irresponsible and have
no common decency. it's all about you.

nonsense, he says. these dogs are
hardly reliable. mutts, all of them except
for that Russian wolfhound.
I wouldn't know them if I saw them and
most of them are flea bitten mongrels
anyway.

But I just saw you with my own eyes
in the yard the other day
playing with them.

whatever, he says, taking a toothpick
out of his mouth.

well, this is the last time.
i'm done with your narcissistic
behavior.
I'm impeaching you.
you're going down buddy.

oh, i'm scared, he says,
what are you going to do, get rid
of me? ha. i'm a dog.
you can't impeach a dog.
i'm your best friend.

i'll see you at the trial.
impeach me, just try and put
me in the pound. ha. who cares.

and by the way, do you mind
filling up my water bowl,
that big gold
one in the kitchen.

you're killing me with all
this salt. my head's about to
blow up.

he circles three times
on the back of the couch
to go to sleep, his fat belly
full of garbage.
there's a gnawed rib bone
beside him and an empty can
of tuna.