The Dark Web

it startles you
in the middle of the night
that you really didn't know
this person
you were married to.

she was and remains
a stranger, by all rights.

your grief is about
an imaginary woman that you fell
in love with. you created her.
your imagination shaped this
kind and adorable soul, this honest
and spiritual human being.
you shaped her in your mind
like a potter at his wheel
spinning clay.

you wake up in a cold sweat
at 3 a.m. it seems impossible,
but it happened.

your mind was as airbrushed
as her photos that lured you in.
her false sweet words,
her gentle touch.
all lies. it wasn't real,
it was the collection
of all the hope
and joy that you had waited
for your entire life.
some elusive dream you created
when you were young
and naïve.

you thought that she was
the one, but she was a myth
an imposter, a figment
of your fertile imagination
nothing was real. you were trapped
in a horror house
with no way out.

it startles you
to realize that, even now,
with the truth revealed.
it puts a chill down your back,

how is it possible to be
fooled so easily at this age,
to be undone by such a person
as that. desperation?
desire, idealism, the need
and want for true love?
how deep is your need to
be in a safe and secure
place, a home with someone
that you believe in and
can trust with your soul.
the desire for family is
primitive and strong. were
you trying to restore
what you lost
as a child? Probably.

we blind ourselves, we
ignore the red flags, we
pretend we don't see
what's wrong, ignoring
our instincts, our infallible
intuition, tossing aside
the genuine love of another,
for what?
for someone who didn't even
love you. someone cold
and dark, heartless with
no remorse now, or ever,
for what she's done. how can
someone lie to you so much.
look you in the eyes and say
what's true when
it isn't? when you know for
a fact it isn't.

it's a bottomless pit
of unanswered questions.
at some point though,
every string once
attached, every anxiety laden
string that she wrapped tightly
around your heart
and neck
will be cut,
and your world will be sane
once more.