going through the motions

i keep praying she says.

i keep

asking

for forgiveness. i keep

going to confession.

i listen to the catholic channel

all day and night.

i have rosary beads

in my purse,

on my dresser, hanging

from my rear view mirror.

i go to communion.

i know all the priests.

i wear a crucifix the size of

a spatula around my neck.

there's a glow in the dark

statue of Mary

on my desk.

i put a can of beans in the box

each sunday.

i attend mass on holy days

and never leave

early.

i keep asking

for peace. i keep asking God

to make things right again.

i want to be good.

He knows that, right?

why do i feel so bad all

the time

despite my life of rinse

and repeat.