the first one
was annulled by
the catholic church
after a six month
live in situation
where she walked home from
our little apartment
carrying her brand new
wedding dress
and a new black and decker
toaster oven.
the pope
gave me a mulligan on that one.
the second one
took place in a foreign
country.
off shore.
we weren't even
citizens there.
so i'm certain it wasn't legal.
so i throw that one
out too.
and the third one,
well that was a complete
fraud.
saying vows under false
pretenses
with a strange celebrant
who showed
up from an online site
in his dad jeans and tennis shoes.
so there it is.
i've never been married.
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