not a big hugger

i ponder the idea of

shopping for a new church.

having been

catholic

all my life,

i already feel the pangs of guilt

and punishment.

i'm a little tired

by the smoke and mirrors,

the rituals

and rote prayer.

the architecture is nice

though and the gowns

the priests wear. i love

the stained glass,

the solemness of it all

with the statues of saints

staring down at you.

i'm always a little bit scared

when i go to mass,

and repentant.

but i need a little more

than that.

a little more connection.

of course i don't want the snake

handling congregation,

or the ones

where there's a lot of jumping

around and shouting,

speaking in tongues with

everyone hugging each other.

i'm not a big hugger.

maybe something in between

all of that.