the cheap motel escape

in an effort to gain clarity,
sanity and to reflect on the dismal
state of affairs my life was in
at the time

i stayed in a cheap motel off of route
one
back in the late nineties.
skid row of Fairfax county.

my wife at the time was cheating on me
with my son's
karate teacher, Carlos.
I couldn't even beat him up if
I wanted to. three black belts.
he could break six bricks with his head
alone.

i needed to get away.
it was an insane time. fear and jealousy
drove me
out.

i remember the thin walls of the
motel, hearing
the coughing of the man
in the room
beside me. the cheap television
turned up loud,

his cigarette smoke tunneling
through the vents.

the mattress was hard, the cover
stained.
the striped pillow a rock.

the place smelled of urine,
of lost causes. of people at the end
of their rope.

i stayed one night, then went home.

i did the same thing last year,
a different wife,
this time she was cheating
with two men.

an ex husband and a married boyfriend.
it was the same thing all over again,
twenty years later. I could beat the tar
out of either one of them, but what's the point,
it would be like
beating up old women, and she loved
them both dearly.

how in god's name did i end up with
such wives? such liars.
immoral to the core. falling like
a fool for their fake charms.

again i went to a motel to get some clarity,
to figure out the path
of my life. how to straighten out
the wrong turns i took.

the room was nicer this time though.
smoking wasn't allowed.
the walls were thicker, but it still smelled
of failure, of lost causes,
people at the end of their rope.

i managed three nights this time around,
then went home. back to my house,
my once peaceful sanctuary,
no wiser.
ready for the next round
of pain and heartache, a batch
of lies.

I prayed to find a way to end it.
and once that prayer was answered
and she was gone,
i made a vow to never
leave my home again.

no more cheap hotels, it would
be five star from here on out.