boot camp

you decide to join one
of those boot camp
fitness groups, but they meet
at six in the morning
and you are not a morning
person. there are only
two things you want
to do early in the morning,
and one of them is sleep,
the other involves your
friend betty, or someone
similar to her. but you drag
yourself to the boot camp
location. you've purchased
some new work out clothes
from macy's. a red  nike shirt
with matching nike shorts
and socks, and some nike
tennis shoes. you are a
billboard for nike and wouldn't
that make them mad.
but you digress. you jog out
to where your new peeps are
and high five all the combatants.
you are the oldest one there
by twenty years, at least,
but hey, you are wiser, and the only
one with a headband that
says, just do it. after some
light warm ups, stretching
and bending, the drill sargent,
jennifer, who has a really
cute pony tail and a barbed
wire tattoo around her arms
points at a hill in the distance
and says, okay, run up
that hill and come back.
do it ten times, you fat losers,
then come back and give me twenty.
strangely everyone looks at you.
then she blows a whistle.
everyone begins to run,  you are
in the lead at first, but soon
everyone overtakes you.
but as you said, they are young
and skinny, and you hate all of
them. when you reach the top
of the hill, you look over
your shoulder. you see
that everyone has started
the run back, so you stop,
for a second to catch your breath
and spit up a little.
out of the corner of your eye
you see a starbucks in the distance.
you feel your shorts for that five
dollar bill you tucked away in
your secret pocket, you
shrug and keep going over the
hill. you need some coffee, like
now, and a bagel with cream cheese,
and a paper. boot camp,
pffft. who needs it.