making a little scratch for the holidays

thinking about making

some extra

money for the holidays, i go down

to the ICE

detention center

to apply for a job.

i just want ten hours a week

i tell the giant

soldier

dressed in army gear.

okay, he says, but first we have to

test you to see if you're

physically qualified.

we want you to stand here for

one hour and let this woman

from the suburbs

who just pulled up in a Range Rover,

scream in your face,

calling you Hitler and a pedophile,

spitting on you

and screaming shame shame shame

before she hits

you in the head with a can of 

pitted jumbo black olives,

then you have

to chase her down the block,

tackle her,

tie her hands behind her back,

and drag her back to the compound.

all within thirty seconds,

or less.
it's no different than what cowboys

do at a rodeo.

hmmm, i tell him.

i'm not sure about this.

what else you got?   i'm really good

with paperwork.