i want my keys back, darling

when i booted

her out

of the house for about a

hundred reasons,

from adultery

to lying,

to gaslighting,

to witchcraft and basic

tom foolery,

all i worried

about was getting back

from her

the keys

to the house.

i was on pins and needles

for weeks

wondering what

wrath

would come upon me

for

kicking her down the road

like a rusty old

tin can.

i didn't want

to go through the process

of getting new locks

on all the doors.

finally, she gave in and threw

them

into the back yard,

all connected

by a rubber band.

but i always wondered

if she made

copies.