the democratic Mayors, We Got This

the mayor

is proud,

she's beaming

from cheek to cheek

wearing her new t-shirt 

emblazoned with the logo

We Got This.

she stands at the podium

with her charts

and graphs,

and pointer.

look at this, she says proudly,

crime is down this year

by three percent.

only 578 murders

have been committed,

only

173 carjackings,

678 robberies and 

1201 assaults. not to mention,

only seventy-eight rapes.

and may i add that

of the two thousand people

shot with illegal

handguns this year,

nearly one fourth of them have lived,

though severely wounded.

i also want to announce

that

drug overdoses have fallen

to a ten-year low

since i took office.

only nine hundred and sixteen

deaths have

occurred from

fentanyl this year.

let's give ourselves a huge round

of applause.

the city is safe again.

let me repeat that loud and clear.

the city is safe once again, so

don't forget to vote

for me once more

in November

and oh, by the way

pick up your free butterball

turkey and canned cranberry sauce

on the way out.

our goal is to keep you safe.

so stay off the streets

and subway

at night and

please remember to carry

with you at all times

your pepper spray and mace

and if you have

one a rescue whistle.

remember as you cast your ballot

for me

this year, that like i said.

we got this.