subscribing to a magazine

i make the mistake

of subscribing to Psychology Today.

it's half

price, so how could

i resist. but

every week now

after reading another

in depth article

of psychological ailments

i think i have something new,

a new disorder.

i believe that i need help

and a therapist with a long couch.

i'm a covert narcissist.

a psychopath,

a sociopath,

i have OCD.

i'm paranoid and bipolar

with hints of

schizophrenia.

i have the traits of a borderline

hoarder.

i'm delusional

and self-centered,

trauma bonded

with low self-esteem.

i realize now that

i should have subscribed

to Italian Gourmet

or Playboy

Magazine.