in leading our
nation's military,
do you promise that
you will
stop
beating your wife,
and getting drunk every night
in strip clubs?
and if you don't mind
could you remove
your shirt to show us your tattoos?
the senator
from California asks
breathlessly
while wiping the fog from her
glasses.
but, i've never...
so you refuse to answer
that question.
it's either yes or no.
and you refuse to take your shirt off?
is that right?
but....but...I never...
i'll take that as a refusal
to answer
the simple question
and mark it as a no.
lets move on.
when you were ten,
you once
pulled the pigtails of
the girl who sat in front
of you
in algebra class.
do you regret doing that,
and would you
like to apologize
to her right now?
she's here, in the courtroom.
we flew her in
from New Jersey.
what, who? i'm sorry but...
sir, i'm asking you a simple
question,
would you like to apologize
to her.
yes or no.
but....i don't....
again.
it's a yes or no answer.
does the cat have your tongue, sir?
but....
fine. i'll mark that down as a no.
if aliens
from Mars landed on
our planet would you want to
put them into
interment camps
because of the color of their
green skin,
and have them
guarded by our military?
yes or no?
you rolling your eyes
at my questions,
and audible scoffs,
will be formally noted into
the Senate Hearing Record.
and i take your answer
to that last
question as a yes,
you would put the Martians
into camps.
and one last question,
if you are confirmed will you ban
all vaccines,
which would in fact
kill millions of people,
and take the fluoride
out of the water
allowing everyone's teeth to fall out
like chiclets from a box?
yes or no.
wait a second, that question is
for the next guy.
never mind.
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