online.
easy peasy.
no need to call your mother,
or best friend anymore,
or get another cat.
or God forbid finish off that
half gallon of Hagen Daz
ice-cream in the fridge.
right now, for a limited time only,
we have a plan
that offers solving
three of your main problems
for the price of one.
reduced for
the upcoming holidays.
marital discord, children
run amok,
work related issues
with your
narcissistic boss?
we got that.
sign here, and insert your
credit card number, age,
and general location.
special rates still apply
for those incarcerated, or
seniors on their last leg
stuck in a nursing home
rarely visited by ungrateful
children.
just click the button to zoom
and talk to our friendly
and newly
minted therapists who
just got their certificates
from Freud Academy
in the Bronx.
all of our therapists have had
an extensive six
week course and have visited
Belleview's fifth floor
as an observer or as a patient
at one time or another.
we will gently talk you off the ledge
and never push.
no judgement here.
no problem is too small for us.
we aim to help you in thirty days,
or you'll receive a partial
refund based on a prorated
set of complex rules
found in the small print,
read by pushing the tiny
icon on the third page
of the document you just
electronically signed.
please be dressed properly
for your sessions
and be respectful.
we're here to help you,
and by the way,
our therapy sessions are always
without medications, until
absolutely necessary.
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