can i get an amen brother and sisters

i sent some money

to the prosperity church,

to the smiley guy

with the slicked back hair

and enormous

white teeth,

because they said

that a significant donation

would

be a blessing and that

God will heal me of my

chronic sinus issues.

it's been a week

and i'm going through

kleenex, well, like kleenex.

i called them

and they said to come on

down, my problem might

need some hands on

hallelujah healing,

plus another check of an

equal amount.

so i go down.

they put me in the front

row, despite my sneezing

and blowing of my

nose, i'm full of Flonase

and prednisone,

and feeling woozy from

shooting tree oil

and saline solutions

into my nostrils.

finally, after three hours

of singing and preaching,

they call me up

for the healing portion

of the program,

and the minister dressed in

a silver roy rogers

costume slaps me on my

forehead, which makes

me fall back into the arms

of several large men

of a suspicious nature,

smelling like garlic and onions,

who suddenly are going

through my pockets

and holding my wallet

and watch.

they drag me off backstage.

one guy,

who reminds me of

Joe Pesci,

throws my wallet back into

my face

after emptying it, the other guy

is wearing my watch.

you keep your mouth shut,

you hear, the little guy

says, slapping

a baton in his meaty hand,

or you're going to be pushing

up daisies

in the jersey river.

now get out of here.