which diet to choose from

I peruse the new diets,
trying to lose a little weight before
spring.
not that i'm going to be prancing
around on the beach
in a speedo, or anything.
but just to drop a few pounds
for health, to be lighter on my
feet for those long nights
out dancing. that's a joke.
but there are so many diets
to choose from.
the all chicken diet.
the poultry only diet, anything
with wings that can't fly.
all meat, which entails all
four legged animals, too slow
to run away from the butcher.
just plants.
the botanical garden diet.
just fish, just water and bread.
the Alcatraz diet, it's called.
the jungle diet. snakes and bugs,
with an occasional rhino sandwich.
the island diet. berries, nuts,
bananas and mangos,
with a coconut milk chaser.
the city diet, which is my favorite
pizza, bagels with cream cheese,
pretzels and steak subs
all washed down with a big gulp.
then there's the grandpa diet,
for those without teeth.
oatmeal, soups and grilled cheese.
jello with cool whip.
then there's the lost in the woods
in west virginia diet.
squirrel stew, raccoon brisket,
and pan fried field mice.
basically road kill.
it's a toss up, not sure which
way i'll go, but it's time
to think about nutrition
and health to get the new
year started.