The Rocking Horse Woman

when i'd find her curled up in a ball
in a darkened room,
crying, her tears making jagged lines
down her mask,
she'd say I wish I had the courage
to kill myself.
to do myself in like those people on
the news.
then all would be well. I wish I
was brave like them.
I'd touch her shoulder, sit beside her,
as she rocked back and forth, nearly
in a catatonic state
and try to comfort her. what about
your son, i'd ask her, what would
that do to him, what about the people
who love you? who, she would say.
who really loves me? I had no answer
for that, for I didn't even love
her anymore, not who she really was.
my love was for the imaginary person
she created to snare me into her
sick world. look, i'd say to her,
i'll leave you alone.
i'd stand up and watch her rock back
and forth, back and forth,
then i'd close the door,
and go the phone to call her therapist
to see what she could do.
which was nothing, because this was all
a game.
this was pretend town once again.
and the therapist would say something
like, we've been down this road
many times before, not to worry.
she'll be fine. she's trying to find
a way out, because you've discovered
her, you see the truth, and now
she needs to get out and find
a new supply to worship her. she'll
be back to her old husband and
married boyfriend in no time.
be calm, be patient, your life is
about to change for the better.
your nightmare is almost over.