faux ocean

i buy a candle that smells
like the ocean.
i turn on the white noise,
which is a recording
of waves
and seagulls.
i spread some self tanning
lotion all over
me and put on my
sunglasses. i step into my
new lime green bathing suit.
my sandals.
i sit in a small chair
in the living room,
facing the sun
with a fat new book of
poems.
then it occurs to me
maybe i should really go
to the beach,
and quit this fooling around.