press one and hold

if this is about your

invoice

press one

and hold, you are

thirty-seven minutes

away from talking

to an agent,

or in receiving further

instructions about 

the next prompt.

if it's about

your past due

account

press two,

if it concerns the renewal

of your

service, press three.

if you'd

like to stand on your

head

and wait for an hour,

press four.

if you're angry and

perturbed about

all of these prompts

and the inability

to talk to a human,

press five.

if you've lost the will

to live,

press six and hang up

and contact

a therapist.

one will be provided if

you press seven.

have a good day.