she's tik tok ready now

my friend Betty goes in for

some

surgical enhancements.

i tell her she looks

fine the way

she is, but she pays

no never mind to me because

i'm a man,

and what could i possibly

know about being a woman.

fair enough.

she says, she needs a more rounder

butt to fill out

her jeans.

not as big as Beyonce or

a Kardashian, but something

just a tad rounder.

a firmer booty,

like the girls on tik tok have.

and i could use a size or

two increase

up top as well, she says,

not like Dolly, but

just a little filler

to even it all out and give

my girls some bounce.

i almost don't recognize her

when it's all said and done.

so what do think she says,

spinning around

and showing me the knot 

of skin behind her ears

where they pulled her face

as tight as a kettle drum.

do i look young now, or what?