Face Yoga

i see one of my ex-wives online

doing face yoga, so

i sign up for one of her

beginner courses.

of course she's still bitter

about the property settlement,

and paltry alimony

i gave her,

so i don't get the discount.

however

maybe i can eradicate

some of the ensuing

wrinkles

that are causing me

to lose dates

and make small children cry

when they look at me.

it's difficult moving my

face around at first,

flexing my jaw up and down.

making my eyebrows

flicker like bird's wings.

i imitate the faces you see on

people screaming

as they fly down a hill

on a rollercoaster.

rolling my eyes is easier, 

i do it daily,

almost non stop when

watching the news,

or talking to my neighbor

Lisa, formerly known

as Jim as he informs me

about a bra sale

at Norstrom Rack,

but i digress.

i twitch my nose, make

a face like a fish and blow. 

i tie up my lips into knots.

stick my tongue out and reel

it back in.

it's a giant cup of crazy on

so many levels

as i follow my ex's instructions,

(for once),

but hey, check back with me in

twenty-four weeks or so,

when i'm young again

and my face is as smooth 

as a baby's bottom.