happy nails

you are way overdue
for a pedicure. the last
time you had one
was like, never.
while taking a bath
you stare at those
long string bean
toes of yours
with the gnarly
yellowish nails and
you think, hey, why
not treat yourself to a
nice nail job today?
so you go down
to the happy nail
salon next to dunkin
donuts and make
an appointment. but first you
get a few donuts
to eat while you get
your feet worked on.
two chocolate glazed
and a powdered sugar.
a nice cup of hot coffee too.
mrs. ming bows gracefully
as she directs you
to a giant leather massage
chair. you sink deeply
into it and take a bite
of your sugar donut.
there are red tassels hung
everywhere, you guess
they've all graduated
from many medical schools
teaching them the fine
art of pedicuring.
it's impressive. she shows
you how to turn on
the massage chair which
shakes violently, throwing
powdered sugar everywhere,
so you turn it down some.
mrs. ming then puts on
a mask and lights up
the blue radioactive
water that she forces
your feet into.
from then on, its like
a sushi bar with a set
of surgial instruments
that would make
a brain surgeon envious.
she rubs and squeezes each
toe, trims the nails
with a pair of sheet metal
shears, goes after
those bleeding cuticles
with a razor blade. her
hands are moving so fast
that it's all very scary, so
you look away in your jiggling
chair and notice that it's
pretty much all women here
except for you.
most of them are looking at
your bag of donuts, so you
break off small pieces of
donut and throw them towards
the women, who open
their mouths like seals
at the zoo. making that
same seal noise and clapping
their hands for more.
finally, mrs. ming finishes up.
she's shaking her head and
sweating. you need to come
more she says. more times.
you nails are bad, very bad.
okay, you tell her, handing
her some money.
extra for shine, she says.
you want shine. sure,
why not. she applies
a coat of clear polish on
them which makes you feel
like dancing. you simonized
them, you say, trying
to make some fun chit chat.
but she looks at you with
that quizzical cat look,
and says, no. now you done.
go. go.