put the knife down

i recognize some of the people
on Dr. Phil as i turn on the tv
with a big bowl of popcorn
in front of me and a pitcher
of white Russians.
i know these people. in fact
i'm related to them by blood.
i turn the volume up
and put my feet on the coffee table.
you people need to stop hurting
one another, the good doctor says
in his country twang,
glasses perched on his nose.
he points a finger and wags
it in their faces.
the lights in the studio
shine off his enormous bald head.
now listen,
when she stabs you with a carving
knife, don't you pick up the knife
and stab her back. no, refrain
from stabbing one another.
you two are siblings for crying
out loud. you have the same momma,
and i presume, daddy too.
put the knife down sister,
and put it back
into the kitchen drawer where
you found it.
then help her apply
a tourniquet to her
arm or leg, or god forbid
her neck. good golly miss molly,
stop hurting one another people.
we solve nothing with violence,
isn't that right audience?
(loud clapping ensues. someone yells out,
put the knife down, a chant develops,
put the knife down, put the knife down!)
okay, okay.
when we come back from commercial
break, we'll discuss
what precipitated this stabbing,
and why this one
put a restraining order on her
sister for sleeping with her
husband, and fathering a set
of twins. the twins will be brought
out too, so that you can decide
who looks like who. we'll be
right back.