i almost died

the year, that frightful year,
that my ex went on a diet
I nearly died.
no sugar
or salt, no butter or
cream,
no chips
or candy anywhere.
no cookies to be found,
or cake,
or red meat.
not a single granule
of sugar, refined
or otherwise.
I grew gills from eating
so much fish.
I fluttered my
wings and clucked from
eating
chicken after chicken,
boiled
with the skin
off. divorce saved my
life.
the second the ink dried,
I wasn't worried
so much
about my next true
love,
my next cell mate, no
I ran out and bought
a rack of ribs
with all the trimmings
and a cherry pie.