the online date

I had a date last night, she tells
me on the phone. i'm apparently
her mentor now.
he was nice, okay looking,
no spark.
no chemistry, but he bought
me dinner
and drinks,
we even had dessert
and an after dinner drink.
I remember the advice you gave
me before I went
out and ran to the bathroom
when the check
came. as soon as the waiter
started for our table with the bill
I got up and scurried away.
of course he paid, he was
too embarrassed
not to. being a man, and all.
but then he tried
to kiss me
in the parking lot,
can you believe that? he
grabbed my shoulders
and pulled me in.
it scared me so, like you told me to,
I used my key to jab him in the eye,
then pepper sprayed
him. thanks for
giving me that for Christmas.
he yelled at me and called
me a name.
well, a lot of names.
names I can't even repeat,
but one of them rhymes
with stitch,
and no one calls me that,
so I kicked him really hard,
you know, right there,
with my high heel.
he fell over after that,
and lay in the parking lot.
I felt bad, but he deserved it,
right? I zig zagged all the way
home in case he was trying
to follow me.
anyway. it was an okay date
up to that point.
i'm meeting a doctor
tomorrow night. but not a real
doctor. he has a phd in
medieval literature. he said
he wants me to wear a black dress.
is that weird? anyway,
I loved the salmon at that
restaurant, so I might meet
him there.