i'm in training

i feel embarrassed these days.
so many people are in training
for marathons half marathons
triatholons biatholons.
10 k s 20 k s 5 k s.
they're doing lunges
and working on their abs.
I saw my grandmother
swimming across the bay
the other day with
grease paint on her forehead.
number eighty-four smeared
above her salt encrusted
bloodshot eyes.
she wants to be the first woman
her age
to not drown during the race.
just last week
the road was closed off
for three hours as
the one k baby crawl took place.
the bloody knees were horrifying.
everyone is training. lifting,
biking running. taking their pulses
eating carbs and fiber.
staring at their watches
hoping for a better time.
everyone but me.
I am in training for nothing.
I take a nap everyday, that's it.
that's my strict regimen.
i have no t-shirts to
show off from the shamrock
or cherry blossom runs.
no medallions to hang around my neck.
no photos of me staggering
across the finish line. I have
no stickers to smooth proudly
onto the back of my car.
maybe I'm in training to sleep longer
at night.
I might enter a sleepathon.
my goal i tell everyone
is twelve hours like when I was
a teenager. getting up
at noon. I've already designed
the sticker. a pillow with
the number 12 on it.
I'm sorry I tell people now.
I can't meet you for lunch today,
I have to go home and take a nap.
I'm in training.