the hot tub

the hot tub salesman
comes to your house to measure
your patio to see what fits
and nail down the sale.
is this hot tub for pleasure
or for work,
he asks.
mostly pleasure, you tell
him. but once in a while
I might bring my lap top
in to iron out some
work issues.
two people, four, or eight?
he stares at you,
waiting for an answer.
eight seems too many.
plus, I don't want to be
sitting in there and have
other people touching me,
unless it's someone i'm
romantically involved with.
okay, he says, making
a check on his clipboard.
do you want cup holders.
a stereo system?
both, you tell him. I want
the deluxe. cedar siding?
of course, with steps.
I like extra jets too
that will hit my body
at all angles.
he winks at me. gotcha, he says.
and of course you'll need
a nice canvas top to keep
it sealed and safe.
yes. okay. may I suggest
the turbo super deluxe
self cleaning, three
person, hot tub. we call it
the menage a trois.
that sounds sort of suggestive,
but I like it.
when can I have it installed?
just sign here, here
and here.
and give me your credit
card. you'll have it by
Christmas.