women are musical instruments

your therapist goes on vacation
and turns off her phone, but
she leaves a man named vinny
from jersey to cover for her
while she's gone. she owes
him a favor, and this is what
it is. he feels he has a knack
for solving problems. so you
go see him at your regular
appointment hour. he's wearing
a white jacket, and has on
a gold bracelet and ring.
his hair has a quart of oil
in it and he's sipping on a
highball. come in, come in,
sit down, he says. i've
been looking over your file
and truthfully i'm a little
dismayed at what i'm seeing
here. go lie down on the couch
over there. i hope you
don't 'mind if i pace
the room while we talk.
i see you got a lot of problems
with women, what's up with
that. and i see you don't get
along with your mother. do
you have any idea how you're
breaking her heart everyday
with your wisecracks and
lack of attention. well that's
gonna end right here.
stop doing that. i'm telling
you. it ain't right. you listening
to listening to me cheesehead?
you nod your head as he lights
up a cigarette. women are like
fine musical instruments, he says,
and you have to play them all a little
differently. capiche? hey. answer
me when i ask you something.
yes. capiche capiche. good, he says.
some are violins, some are pianos,
some are saxaphones. of course
there are some tubas in the mix too,
but hey, what are you gonna do.
but each possesses their own
special musical voices.
you nod, looking at him wide eyed.
okay, so treat them gently.
play nice with them. go easy on
them and they'll all be playing you
some wonderful tunes. he winks
and puts his cigarette out on
the carpet with his wingtips.
okay. we're done here.
but it's only been five minutes.
i said we're done. i think we made
some progress. that will be a thousand
dollars. what? you heard me.
if you don't have it, next week
it's fifteen hundred dollars, cash.
he takes his coat off and loosens
his tie.  but i don't have the kind of money.
well, i believe the banks are still
open, i'll give you an hour.
don't make me come looking
for you. now get out of here.
i need to lie down, take a nap.
remember what i said about women
being musical instruments. i called
your mother and told her to call me
if you don't start treating her
right, in fact send her some roses
when you go to the bank.
hit that light switch on the way out.