your new free phone

your old phone would
neither turn on
or go off.
it repeated incessantly
for two hours the word
droid.
droid
droid.
so you take it in
to the horizon center
and the twelve year
old technician
holds it up to the light.
what's that he says,
what's that goo all
over it.
gravy, you tell him.
maybe some mashed
potatoes too.
oh, he says and
removes the battery
with a twist of his
hand  and puts it back
in. it stops saying droid.
finally.
there you go mister.
just like new. but,
he says excitedly,
if you want a
new phone, we
have free ones today
on that shelf over there.
free, you say,
raising your eyebrows
like groucho marx.
(don't ask)
as in no money,
nothing. it's free.
yes, he says smiling
showing the tacos
he had for lunch
stuck in his silver
braces. yes sir, he
says. free.
so you go over to
the shelf, pick one up,
shrug your shoulders
say pfff, and
get a new free phone.
of course you need a
car charger, a home
charger, a case,
an insurance plan,
and a upgrade on your
minutes, and data, so three
hundred dollars later,
you have your new free phone.
and it's gravy free
so far.