despite
believing in nearly
every single
word said.
praying before meals,
before sleep,
before
many things.
every time i've done something
stupid,
i've ended up on my
knees at the side
of the bed, asking for forgiveness
or some sort solution,
which wouldn't
involve me going through
a lot of trouble.
but church was boring.
the rituals.
the up and down of it all,
the hard
pews,
the kneelers.
the smoke and mirrors.
the guilt you felt when
not going,
or not attending the pancake
breakfast.
i cringed as the second
collection basket
came around.
why don't you sell some of
those gold candle holders
and chalices if
you need the money so bad.
what's the dry cleaning
cost on those gowns?
i wasn't wild about the music
either.
sleepy old standards
from the eighteen hundreds.
they'd put Ambien out of business
if you heard that music
every night.
geez marie.
i've been in many churches,
Baptist,
Catholic,
Lutheran,
and even attended a Pentacostal
meeting once,
which gave me
the shivers
as people rose and spoke
in tongues, jumping around
like Mexican jumping beans,
full of something,
but i couldn't believe it was God.
it felt like something
else.
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