things to never do

if you play music

and are a rising star, or almost

a star

never get on a small plane.

never drink the water south of the border.

never

believe that the check

is in the mail.

never trust someone who

says,  it's okay, i've

been tested.

never say i do, unless you mean

it.

never say have a nice day, or

namaste.

never jump out of a perfectly reliable

plane.

never answer the phone after eleven

pm. it's never good.

never put your head inside an alligator's

mouth

or a lion's or any

animal, for that matter.

never buy

a used car from someone in

a checkered suit

with spinach in their teeth.

never eat turkish food

from a food truck,

or eat

in a food court at the mall.

never stay in a motel that has

vibrating beds

or charge by the hour.

never trust anyone that winks

at you.

never ride a donkey up

the steps of Santorini.

never give out your credit card number

to anyone on the phone,

not even your mother.

never say i'll call, and then don't.

never sit next to someone coughing

and asking

if the wound on their

arm

looks infected.

never look into a woman's purse

or worse

her medicine cabinet.

never lie,

never cheat

never steal.

never fall in love.

never say never.