Broken

I remember finding her
curled up
in a ball
in the dark den,
lights off,
the door closed,
her crying, arms wrapped
around her
trembling starved body,
shaking.
moaning, wordless
and cold.
her eyes were hollowed
out and red.
black mascara streaking
down.
she pulled and pulled
at her hair.
I asked her what's wrong,
what's the matter
now?
and she said, nothing.
just nothing.
I can't tell you,
you'll use it
against me,
somehow.
I just want to leave,
she said,
check out
and never return.
not from here, but from
everywhere.
to no longer
be around.
this was the beginning,
of the end.
I had no idea what any
of this meant.
of who she was, or what
this was about.
I still don't and never will.
she's gone. long gone,
and
out of this house.