A Waste of Time

when I look back
at the insanity of it all.
at the madness
of who she was,
knowing deep inside that
it would never work in
a thousand years, tolerating
lies
and betrayal
for a whole year,
I cringe and sigh.

when someone is truly
mentally ill, you realize
what a waste of time
it is trying to heal
them, to make them see
the light, any light, but still
you foolishly try.

it's an impossible task.
there is nothing you can do,
but leave
and let her fight her own
demons by herself
or with another, someone
on an equally sick level.

when I look back at my
addiction
to someone who wasn't even
real. I wonder now,
why would I even want to be
with a person like that?
so cruel and unkind.
I can't believe
myself. what I went through.
how I survived.