breathe deeply and say ummmm

each journey
begins with one
step
your yogi master,
tiffany,
tells you
as you stretch
and listen
to your own
breathing,
which is on
the wheezy side
on account of
this stinking
hay fever attack
you're having
this fall.
yes, master
you say, blowing
your nose, and
sticking
the tissue
back into your
manly black
tights.
you open one
eye to see if
she's staring
at you. she is.
what? you say.
I'm listening,
but its hard
to breath.
calm yourself
she says in that soothing
condescending
way she likes
to speak.
breathe deep
and center yourself.
you start to gag
a little,
because your nostrils
are completely closed
and you have to
breathe through
your mouth
like a beached
blue whale.
center yourself
and imagine a field,
a lush field
of green grass,
and leaves falling.
you scratch your
nose then raise
your hand,
what? she says,
what is it?
can we think of
a snow covered field.
or maybe a placid
lake of blue
water. I don't want
to think about grasses
and rag weed.
sure, she says. your
vision is your own.
you are the master
of your mind and body.
join them together
and...
at this point you
let out a giant
sneeze, but
before you can
put your kleenex to
your mouth,
it showers the front
row of yoga women
who all scream
and start running
around like chickens with
their heads cut off.
quietly you bow
and slip out the back.