looking for someone normal

feeling lonely,

i go down

to the local match maker office,

Amy's Soul Mates,

to check out their inventory.

Amy isn't in though.

but her assistant is,

Bob.

formerly, Linda.

the transition is not quite

complete, which

i notice by the cleavage

in his sweater.

so what kind of a sweetie

are you looking

for? he says,

pushing the no fault

form in front of me.

please sign this, he says,

and if it all works

out we take 

Venmo or PayPal.

no checks.

i sign the waiver and look

at him.

well, i start out.

i'm looking for a good woman.

smart, sexy.

loyal, honest.

someone like donna reed,

but with a whip.

he laughs,

with a whip?  snap, he says.

and who's donna reed?

he writes down her name.

friend of yours?

someone you knew in school?

the one that got away?

no, she used to be

a movie star.

she was in the movie with

Jimmy Stewart called

It's a  Wonderful Life.

hmmm.

he says, missed that one.

doesn't ring a bell.

is it on Netflix?

no, no .never mind.

okay, dear, so let's get specific.

what's melts your butter?

tall, skinny, voluptuous,

voluptuous are very in right now,

so we have a limited

selection of them.

big booty is trending. so what's

it going to be?

blonde, brunette? maybe

a little ginger?

just normal, i tell him.

someone down to earth, you know?

he nods, and keeps writing

things down.

normal? he says, looking up

and batting his lashes,

do tell.

what exactly do you mean by that?

before we go on,

define normal for me.