the vegetarian birthday party

for her birthday,

being a vegan and weighing

about 99 pounds,

basically a skeleton in a dress,

she insisted

that everyone go to the vegetarian

restaurant

on Maple street.

thankfully 

it's no longer there, but

is currently occupied

by Five Guys burgers

and fries.

doing gangbuster business

i might add.

it was the worst meal i'd ever

eaten in my life.

fake meat.

beans and rice. lettuce

and kale.

a nightmare of a meal.

stalks of strange plants,

weird concoctions

that all tasted the same.

a green and yellow mush,

going brown.

cardboard and seasoned sawdust.

they'd put a candle in the middle

of a fat avocado

that'd she blow out

after making a wish, then

we'd cut it and

each have a slice.

sometimes i'd sneak in a

pound of teriyaki beef jerky

and stuff it 

in my pants.