being human

I never thought of myself
as a jealous
person. one
who snoops and plays detective
trying to find
out if a love
is lying and cheating on you.
I've never been one
to look
into closets, or drawers,
or beneath a bed
for some clue
as to what is going on.
what's on that phone,
in that computer, I have no clue.
I thought I was beyond that.
more mature and spiritual,
trusting the Lord
for all things, as St. Paul
says. I really believed that
I was beyond that lowly form
of life. but no.
i'm human like the rest
of this sick world. green
with jealousy and fear.
weak when it comes to
love and feeling betrayed,
abandoned. i'll sit in
the cold shadows for hours
wondering when i'll know the truth.