it's all okay

October has always
been a dramatic
month
for me.
I've moved four times
on Halloween.
been married divorced
in that month.
started
therapy in October,
quit too
and started drinking
heavily.
I lost a dog in that month.
lost my
keys.

I stare at the pumpkin
on the porch
and wonder why.
but I know there's no
answer.
it's not the time about
to change.
or the wind,
the rain.
it's something else.
autumn after autumn.
the death of leaves.
the lack of light,
the disappointments
all gathering
to be burned in a barrel
before the new year
begins.

but it's all okay.

right?