the pope vs. mother theresa

you hear a story about
the pope and mother
theresa coming to blows
one night while in monte
carlo on vacation.
the argument was about
who was doing the most
to help the poor,
the sick, the homeless.
mother theresa, tired
of the pope's whining
and rolling of his eyes,
and on a short fuse after
leaving the leper
colony in calcutta
put her glass of wine
down, called the pope
a pansie and took a swing
across the table at
him, but he ducked.
she knocked his hat
off, and spilled
wine all over his white
robe laced in gold
trim, which angered
him to no end.
then all hell broke
loose as they wrestled
to the floor. being
wirey she managed to get
the pope into a headlock,
and bit his ear,
telling him to say
that she was a saint
who did the most ever
to help the needy
in the world,
not paul, not peter,
not oprah, or
joel osteen, but her.
the pope was strong
though. he had a daily
regimine of lifting
the king james bible
over his head a hundred
times every day, so
he was able to flip
mother theresa into the air
and off of him. they
boxed for awhile,
moving around the room.
mother theresa was
light on her feet and
had a wicked jab.
she blackened the pope's
eye with a sweet left
hook, but he countered
cutting her pointy chin
with his diamond studded
pope ring.
at this point she picked
up a salad fork
from the citrus salad
they just had, and
he found a tiramisu spoon
on the floor
which made her laugh
in that high pitched
voice of hers.
they circled one another,
looking for an opening,
cursing in latin,
but then the hotel
security rushed in
and broke them up,
separating them. of course
all of this was kept
out of the papers,
but the damage was done
and they never spoke
to one another again
except for an occasional
terse text around lent.